Last night, on my way to yoga, I was really looking forward to a workout. The week before, we had done some pretty challenging asanas—mostly heart-opening backbends—and, by the time class wound down, I was drenched in sweat and had this satisfying sense that I had broken through something and gone beyond previous limitations–physically, mentally and spiritually. Still feeling exhilarated from the previous week’s class, I was hoping last night to be challenged further and break through just a little more.

But when I got to class, my teacher was fighting a cold and I could sense her lack of energy.…

An Al-Anon friend and I were talking the other day about how frustrating it can be as we progress on our journeys, to see what that next healthier behavior looks like (just a step beyond where we are currently), but not be able to actualize it quite yet.

“You know, I’ve gotten more forgiving of myself around this,” I told her, “I’m trying to think of it like yoga. There are times when I’m not actually flexible or strong enough to do the full pose. I know what the full pose looks like and where I’m heading, but I can’t get…

Last night, a couple members of my step group and I were philosophizing about the steps. We were talking about how so much of the internal change we experience after each step is out of our control, and that, therefore, it’s futile to stress over whether we’re doing the steps “right.” Still, even though we knew this, we all agreed that it’s often difficult to keep our perfectionist tendencies in check. Then someone who’s working the steps for the first time shared a tool she’d been using to be gentle with herself: “I just view this journey through the steps…

The teacher sat before us, spine like a taut rubber band, legs like a pretzel. “This next hour is all about you and where you are in mind, body and spirit today. This class is your practice and it doesn’t matter what anyone else around you is doing. Your mat is your world, and what’s happening on other mats is inconsequential.” Breaking the rule within seconds, I looked over at my mom sitting cross-legged on her mat and smiled. Taking yoga classes together is one of our new mother-daughter bonding activities. Up until a few weeks ago, my mom had never tried…

I went to yoga today, and I breathed and breathed and breathed and stretched and sweated myself just a little bit more free than I was before I got there. It was a good feeling.

Before class started, though, I eavesdropped on a conversation, and my reactions to what I heard reminded me of why I was there, what it is in me that needs yoga and recovery to straighten back out.

Two women were chatting, and one was asking the other, “Do you know the blond girl? She usually is in the front row, and she wears sweatpants and kind of…

It was just three days of my life. Day two was definitely the most difficult. The fruit cleanse had one day remaining, and I didn’t feel so hot. I had a cup of coffee on day one to stave off a headache, but day two I went without. I was a bit head-achy and lethargic most of the day. I took two naps to deal with both, but by evening I was still head-achy, fatigued, and a bit nauseous. I ate some miso soup for dinner, which was allowed, and poof, I felt better. Must have been the salt…

Day three…

As part of my 40 days of yoga revolution, I am in the midst of a 3-day fruit fast. It’s actually not a fast, more like a cleanse. Three days of nothing but fruit, which began yesterday and ends tomorrow. It’s going pretty well so far. In order to avoid a headache at work yesterday, I did have one cup of coffee. I didn’t work today, and I’ve made it all the way through without caffeine.  Other than that one coffee, I’ve had nothing but fresh fruit for almost 48 hours. It’s been very interesting.

Fortunately, the coordinators of our 40-day…

I’ve been thinking a lot about humility lately. I’m not sure why. Nothing special going on that I know of…just thinking, I guess. Perhaps it’s because I’m in the midst of sponsoring my first 4th step. Worried that I’m not giving the right direction to my sponsee. Worried that I’m forgetting important things, even though all the directions I need are right there in the Big Book. I’m not sure why this brings about thoughts of humility… Perhaps it’s the fact that I feel I’m “holding” another human’s sobriety gently in my hands. It’s a big responsibility. It’s humbling.

Maybe I’m thinking about…

She asked us, “What if you said YES to everything? What if, instead of taking yourself out by saying, ‘I can’t,’ you kept yourself connected by saying, ‘I can, or at least I’ll try?’” We were in the midst of a very difficult balancing pose at the time. Our forever hopeful, helpful, and happy yoga instructor was coolly pacing about the room of sixty sweaty, breathy bodies. She was encouraging, cajoling, and inquiring as she passed. “What if you said yes to everything?” And I thought, “Hmmmm…what if?”

What if I said yes to everything? What would happen? Or as our…

Up, down, in, out…breathe, breathe!
Dogs and cobras and swans.
Dead bugs, pigeons and camels.
Thunderbolts and warriors

Sun salutes and prayer twists. Prayer twist–that one comes with the instruction, “Ring out your guts. Twist from the base of your spine all the way up. Squeeze every internal organ you’ve got.” Geez, I thought yoga was supposed to be kind and gentle! I was mistaken.

It’s day nine of my 40 Days of Yoga Personal Revolution class. Not only am I learning all kinds of interesting lingo, I’m sore as hell! Well, okay, maybe only sore as heck. It’s likely half of my soreness is…

I can’t get the mad out of me, so I’ve decided to yoga myself stupid. I’m taking an intensive class at 4:30 and sticking around for the class afterward. If three hours of hot yoga can’t get me serene, I think I’m a hopeless case. I’m excited.

I can’t even look my husband in the eye today, so I left the house. I had lunch with a friend, and now I have a little time to take care of some loose ends to get my syllabus ready for the beginning of the new semester before my big yoga-thon. Maybe he and…

It’s day two of my personal revolution. We’re talking yoga, journaling, food diary, meditation, water, and more yoga! For some reason, I decided it would be a grand idea to sign up for this intensive course, which is being offered through The Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center–the health club associated with my employer. Just for chuckles, following is the opportunity which I just couldn’t pass up!

**Yoga from 5:10-6:10 AM every Monday through Friday and 7:00 AM on Saturdays.
**Studying the book, “40 Days to a Personal Revolution.”
**Completing the very personal journaling assignments in the book and as instructed.
**Meditating for at least…

Yesterday after yoga class I was thinking how awesome it would be to have a yoga class specifically for people in recovery. I think it would be relatively easy for a yoga teacher who also had recovery knowledge to tie the two together, and it would be cool to practice with other recovering folks.

I love the insights I get when I’m practicing yoga. During Sunday’s class, we were working on Natarajasana (dancer pose), which involves balancing on one foot while holding the other foot in your hand behind you.

We started out really focusing on rooting our standing foot into the…

“You have a thigh, but you are not your thigh,” our yoga teacher explained. She was coaxing us deeper into our Warrior stances. My thigh was talking to me. It was telling me not to push further. I told it to be quiet…that it was going to get stronger if I kept pushing. I have a thigh, but I am not my thigh.

Often in yoga class, I find tools that translate well to the rest of my life. The teacher was encouraging us to push our limits with our bodies, but that phrase she used…You have a thigh, but you…

Just today I truly understood that I have will power again. Maybe now more than ever because I learned a respect for life when I kicked my addiction.

It happened today, with logging trucks barreling down on me and raging maniacs flicking me off while my scooter plugged along spilling oil on the back tire.

I have forgiven myself for having no willpower while in the height of my decadent addiction and depths of dependency. Most addicts in the 12 step process embrace the mantra, “we admitted we were powerless…”

Well, this girl’s recovery has been done alone, by utilizing meditation, yoga, and…

I’ve got four days off from being a junky’s wife, and it’s delicious. I don’t have to be doing much anymore to feel like I’m really having an exciting vacation: Look! I can leave my purse lying around! Wow! I don’t have to carry everything with me every time I leave the house! Holy crap! Nobody wants me to pay for his stuff!

I’ve been spending as much time as possible outside of my house, which is good for me in so many ways, but it’s exhausting, too. Even the thought process behind not wanting to go home, ever, is exhausting.

He and…

My yoga practice has been a crucial part of my recovery for the last six months. I started yoga after working the fourth step and acknowledging that I’d been neglecting to take care of my body while focusing so acutely on my husband. Before discovering my husband’s struggle with addiction, I’d always been something of a health nut, enjoying taking care of my body and the profound ways my physical health improved my mental health. From the moment I found syringes in my house for the first time, however, until working on my neglect of self-care in the fourth step…