What is she doing here?

My old Al- anon group ‘leader’ passed through my work a few months ago, in and out. It was nice to see her. I had always wanted to ask her to be my sponsor way back when, when I was dying from my husbands active addiction. She is a no nonsense kinda lady, straight goods, call you on your crap kinda. I like that.

I liked her higher power too, I liked how she was always at a complete surrender to her higher power, always taking the next right step in her heart and soul, believing beyond…

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about step four. One of the guys that I sponsor is working on his step four inventory.  In Al-Anon there is a work book called Blueprint for Progress that is used to help with this step which is a “searching and fearless moral inventory” to include resentments, fears, harms to others, and sexual conduct. I’ve heard that some people fear this step. When I did my Step Four, I looked forward to doing this work. I’ve been to therapists and told them my story. With Al-Anon, I think that this step was more helpful…

I’ve been wanting to comment on this for a while. If you’ve been going to meetings for a while, yet you still feel unrest and unsettled, maybe there is something else that could be done to remedy the situation.

It’s not the external things that are unmanageable, although at times they can cause a lot of heartache. It’s the inward unmanageability that made me miserable for so long. For me, I felt discontent, out of sorts with myself and others, and generally unhappy. With my disease of thinking, I had to get at the root of those issues that had affected…

Sponsorship is a great thing.

I have long had a deep need for someone to appreciate my wisdom and intelligence. I’m really smart, and I’m a big showoff, and I like to get validation from the outside for the hard work I do on my insides.

There are a few ways lately where I get my wisdom acknowledged, and they are so, so, so gratifying. When I teach, my students think I’m the coolest awesomest teacher. That’s fun, and they learn things and grow in their writing, and I feel wise and wonderful.

I am not sure if it’s exactly better, but it’s…

“We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God”

The step 3 worksheet my sponsor gave me asked the following:

How was your co dependent behavior in conflict with your values.

It was painful to remember the things I had done.  By not acting, I condoned drug use. I rationalized what I knew to be theft. I lied for my addict. I signed papers in his name. There is more, but gratefully it will stay between my sponsor and I.

I did things for the addict that had I observed someone else acting that way, I…

As I continue to grow in my recovery, I am finding that lots of people who I seek to advise me have lots of opinions about what I should do with my mornings and nights. Last night, my husband was waiting for me to go to bed as I went through my long, laborious ritual of self-care and God-seeking, and he finally had a mini-mantantrum to get my attention after an hour had passed.

When I began meditating with my guru, he started me out with 10 minute meditations in the morning and evening. I’ve now moved up to 20 minute…

I’m meant to write a gratitude list. Actually, I was meant to write it yesterday, but I was too pissed off to be grateful for anything. I realize that I rejected the cure and embraced the sickness by putting it off…but anyway, I’m going to do it now. My sponsor recommended that I write 5 things I’m grateful for about my husband and 5 things I’m grateful for about my life. So here they are:

I am grateful for my husband’s recovery. He’s working pretty hard, and when he’s doing it, he’s doing it well.

I am grateful for my husband’s lovely…

Now it’s my sponsor.

She
has
cancer.

“Being a sponsor has been an important part of my recovery from growing up with alcoholism. In fact, as a sponsor I never give as much as I get…When I have the privilege of hearing the secret of a sponsee expected to carry in silence for a lifetime, I am reminded of how relieved I was to finally lay down the burden of my secrets with my sponsor…In becoming a sponsor, I cultivate a listening heart for others as well as for myself.”..Hope for Today – August 23.

There are no musts in Al-Anon, except the purpose states that you are…

When I went to my first Al-Anon meeting, I met a lot of people who were welcoming and kind. I listened but didn’t understand what I was hearing. I was told to “Keep coming back” which I did. At the next meeting, I met the person B. who became my sponsor. It was one of those moments of clarity that I’ve had throughout my life when I sense a kindred spirit and someone with whom I feel comfortable.

Anyway, as I attended more and more meetings, I learned that most of the people attending were all sponsored by one person. Although…

So often the best action is no action. So often things sort themselves out on their own. Without any interference on our part. “We pause when agitated or doubtful” and sometimes that is all that is required.

At least that seems to have been the case here.  I spoke with my sponsor regarding the handsome sponsee. He agreed to take him back on. And I haven’t seen him in two days now. I understand from someone else in the program that he’d called yesterday looking for help.  He hasn’t been seen or heard from since.

I guess I’m sad for him, but…