We are quickly approaching the holidays, which can be an intense time for a person in recovery.  From Thanksgiving to New Years, the holidays are loaded with triggers.  Living sober day to day presents ample challenges as is, but the holidays also re-introduce memories, family situations, extra demands and difficult situations.

Instead of the season becoming a reason to relapse, try to relate the significance of each holiday to your recovery while taking the necessary precautions to retain your sobriety.

Think about some of the steps listed below, utilize the ones you need as tools, and please, share your own suggestions with…

“The tenant in Unit 1 has a drinking problem, so I didn’t take him seriously when he would call with complaints.”

Those were the very words spoken to me by my apartment manager on Monday morning.

I have lived in my apartment building for close to two months and the unit downstairs from me has been an ongoing problem. The man who lives in this unit has a few problems with sound control. Through my walls and floor, I can hear him carry on conversations. I can hear his stereo. Several times I have been awakened at 3 AM by his television…

The Friday night meeting was pretty cool, I haven’t liked it that much lately and only gone occasionally. Noisy summer fans and not being able to hear didn’t help. Too many ugly old men, hardly any girls with the students out of town, and yada, yada yada. I’ve caught flack for that attitude from you know “who you are.” Women see checking out the girls as a pretty piss poor reason to go to a meeting. You work your program, and I’ll work mine, OK. That is a principle of AA. Women go because of the guys a little too.…

In the process of my personal life drama it was suggested to me that I might be incapable of feeling strong emotion and attachment.  I have been accused of being cold and detached and various other character evaluations.  Considering that I was referred to as overly emotional and needy for the better part of my young adult life, I found these observations to be puzzling. 

As a nearing forty, sober nearly 9 years, fairly even-tempered person, I can say without hesitation that I have grown exponentially in recovery.  Sobriety has taught me how to reign in my neediness and hold my…

My marriage may be falling apart.

I want a cigarette right now.

My husband is just as miserable as I am.

A vodka tonic with two limes sounds good.

This has been going on for years.

I could score an eight ball just 20 yards from my house.

I can’t eat and I can’t stop crying.

My husband has a prescription for Hydrocodone in his briefcase.

I want the pain to go away.

To be continued….

When I was a little girl, my four older brothers used to torment me for sport. Holding me down and dangling spit loogies over my face was a good one. Wrapping me up in blankets like a burrito and yanking me about the house was another one. The one I hated the most was 52 Card Pickup. They would take a neatly stacked deck of cards and toss them about in the air over my head and then have me pick them up once they were scattered across the floor. It never occurred to me to say no. They were…

Richard G. Hartnett

     Getting sober, whether from active addiction or co-dependency, is an opportunity for us to finally get to understand ourselves.  The 12 Step programs of recovery suggest a process of self-study, uncovering the forces at work inside us.  When our emotions calm down enough for us to reflect on our interior dynamics, we begin to discern various kinds of forces that influence or affect us in different ways. 

     The more we observe the different movements within us, the more clearly we can distinguish them.  On the one hand, there are the impulses or urges that lead to our…

Not much has changed since my last post. You know, the one where my vehicle of life came to a screeching halt at the bloody end of a dead-end road and I no longer recognized my life? Yeah. That post.

Some bright spots: I have found a therapist that specializes in the very thing that is ripping my life apart and I have found that people actually give a damn and want to be of service when you ask for help. Imagine that.

Time to get brutally honest: while I don’t want to blow my sobriety (8.5 years,) the thought of checking…

About two weeks ago I woke up and no longer recognized who I was. It’s as if I had been barreling down the highway at record speed, manning the vehicle of my life and juggling the balls of commitments high above my head only to find that the road I had been traveling on came to a complete and sudden dead end. Forced to step out of my metaphorical vehicle, it occurred to me that the road I have been traveling on and the life of details of which I juggled were somebody else’s life. Not mine. I have no…

Nobody told me that, and honestly, I’m not sure I would have been able to hear them if they did, but man-o-man it is an important thing to realize.  That’s  my experience anyway.

You see, this isn’t my first rodeo.  I had over 2 years sobriety on another occasion and I suffered a major illness.  I had meningitis.  I spent several days in the hospital on serious painkillers.  I went home with more of them, and when they weren’t really cutting it for me anymore I reached out for the chemical that was always my first love - crystal meth.  I…

As a mother to two school age children, I have come to realize a new challenge in sobriety: socialization offers from parents that center around booze. In the past few months I have been invited to several adult only activities by the parents of my children’s friends, only to find upon further questioning that the activity is centered around alcohol. I thought I had this socializing thing mastered. The work events that I have had to attend for either myself or my husband are few and far between, and most of the time they are family friendly events that don’t…

Be careful what you ask for - ever heard that?  Well, I’ve been very bold lately - asking my HP to “get on the ball” and get things moving in my life, and in my job.  I bluntly told her “Okay, I’ve waited long enough….been patient beyond the realms even Job could envision, and have held a (somewhat) steady course.  I WANT A SIGN AND I WANT IT NOW!”

Every since The Second Road launched 18 months ago, we have worked our collective  butts off to keep the site updated, new and fresh, well written; a place that is  a resource…

Earlier this month, Jason here at The Second Road linked to an article by Nina Caplan, a writer who shares her experience of going without alcohol for a month. What struck me in reading her piece was how boring she found life without alcohol. “So I did it. It’s not difficult. Just dull,” she writes. And, “What else did I learn after a month of stone-cold sobriety? That it’s over-rated.” That is the stereotype of sobriety and the fear of almost anyone facing recovery, whether from alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food or codependency (aka addiction to addicts): What am I going…

Dear Fellow Travelers on the Curvy Road to Destiny

My name is Sandi Bachom and my last drink was March 27, 1987. I am a Hazelden author and have written three books, “Denial Is Not A River In Egypt”, “The Wrath of Grapes” and “Hell in the Hallway, my 4th book, is not a book at all, it’s a social network, laughinginhell.com.

I have been meaning to blog for so long but lucky for me, someone asked if they could tape my talk at the Promises meeting, my home group in New York City on Friday…..so here you go…
Promises: Friday April 3

“We…

Written by William C. Moyers

They were total strangers. But their experiences were defined intimately by a common illness, which propelled their lives into the public spotlight this past week. Only the endings of the stories differ.

Employees in Minnesota stumbled upon the frozen body of Jeffrey Scott O’Donnell in an iced-over pond at a golf course in a suburb of the Twin Cities. Authorities aren’t sure how long he had been dead, but nobody who knew the 42-year-old man had heard from him since the first frosts of last October.

The Star Tribune of Minneapolis-St. Paul reports that his family said Jeff…

The other day someone said to me, “I think this world, this country (meaning America) should stop drinking.  Americans could beat the economic blues, could win this war on terrorism, if they stopped wasting their brain cells with booze.

No joke.  It’s true.  What’s interesting to me is why people even want to drink, to lose themselves to alcohol the way they do.  Some of us don’t, have no physical craving, no mental “need” or desire to get stupid.  For alcohol, make no mistake, is one of those drugs that slows the central nervous system, retards our critical thinking, makes us…

What lies beyond the AA meetings, forums and the Big Book? Most would say for the Alcoholic/Addict not much. We do service work to help remind ourselves and help those who are newcomers find encouragement to keep living and striving for a sober life. I do believe we need those rooms and the people in them within our lives; I also believe that’s not all there is to a life of sobriety. Lost within our addiction we find ourselves loners, discouraging any close contact with the outside world. We allow ourselves to be imprisoned and lonely, our only true family…

I’ve been asked to blog for The Second Road, which I consider an honor, So I thought I would tell you a little about myself first. ( they may change their minds!)

I started blogging a few months ago as a way to grieve the loss of my 25 year old Daughter Annie. She died August 25, 2007 of complications after a double lung transplant. She had Cystic Fibrosis and got her new lungs September 3,2005.  I am also a recovering alcoholic, sober 22 years on Valentines day.

I came into recovery when my daughter was 4 years old. It was 1987.…

Someone tried to give me an out, a reason for my Alcoholism…It came about rather innocently. She had asked about the reasons behind my drinking. What wasn’t so innocent was her statement afterwards, “I perfectly understand why you drank, you needed to save yourself. Unlike me, I drank simply because I liked the taste of liquor. I guess that makes me the worst of us both.” I stared dumbfounded, uncomprehending what she just said, and backpedaled away from the insinuation that I had a perfectly logical reason to drink. When I could finally close my mouth, I asked her a…

I need to remember that the little things are not insignificant.  When I am in my head and ready to come unglued, it is the little things that will bring me back to right size.

That reading two books, and not just one, will make my daughter’s heart sing.

That bubbles in the bath are always better.

That my butter pecan cupcakes brought a smile to the faces of the good ol’ boys at Sunday night’s meeting.

That remembering details from our conversation six months ago makes you happy.

That giving away my three year medallion to my newly minted sobriety chum is significant in her eyes.

That…

About a year ago my husband was transporting the kids to his mom and dad’s house about two hours from our home. He took my van on this trip and evidently didn’t remove the CD from the stereo because he called me laughing later that day to tell me that the kids had listened Bob Marley on the way up to Ohio. Apparently after finishing the CD, which finishes with a soul crushing Redemption song, they got out for a bathroom break and something to eat. As he took the kids into McDonalds, he leaned down to the then three…

The Salon Chat Series officially kicked off this past Sunday, with an hour and half discussion hosted by The Junky’s Wife. We thought Sunday’s would be a great night to spend some time with others in recovery. Heck, most nights are, right? But on Sunday’s you have a chance to get to know your favorite bloggers a little better and ask them most any burning question you have deep inside.

So, this coming Sunday, at 8:30 pm EST,  Chris Mecham, from the Last Chance Texaco will be our guest of honor.

He is a recovering methamphetamine addict and alcoholic in Boise, Idaho.…

Yes, I’m tired. Something we all learn early in sobriety to guard against. I can feel that my whole being is stretched a little thin. But the deal is, there’s not a lot I can do about it till the weekend. I’m deep in public radio fundraising, on deadline for NPR, and have a book proposal that just won’t come to heel nicely. So, tired or not, I gotta keep on keeping on.

The thing is, I’ve got enough sense to recognize fatigue as being a non-desirable state. When I was still drinking and using, I pushed myself to the edge…

Sorry, I’ve been away. No reason, except too, too much to do. But, you know, I missed blogging, so, you know, I’m just going to find the time.

I spent Friday fretting our world economic crisis and the disturbing appearance of blatant racism in the American presidential campaign.

Saturday and Sunday, I spent a good part of the day scooting.

On a scooter.

A 151 blue teal blue scooter that allows me to travel curvy country roads at speeds that don’t annoy whoever’s behind me and reacquaint me with what it feels like to just be having fun.

Both days were beautiful. Warm and…

One week ago today I turned 58.  I’m on this birthday thing - just wait - when you turn 58 you’ll be doing the same thing.  I was doing the math the other day and I realized that I have finally reached the “break-even” point where I have been clean and sober for as long as I wasn’t clean and sober.  So, for 29 years of my life, I lied, cheated, stole, drank, drugged and for 29 years I didn’t do ( or haven’t done) those activities.  When I first thought of that 29:29 ratio I was really depressed.  I…

First of all, I need to apologize for not being here last night in the chat room, which I have committed to doing on Tuesday nights. No matter how I try to arrange it, Tuesdays are busy.

I’ve been spending more time with one of my sponsees lately and I’ve been doing it because he’s been reaching out. I’m probably the only guy in town who understands about what it is to be a gay man in early recovery from crystal meth addiction that actively makes himself available to other men trying to get clean.

So yesterday afternoon he called.  He’s 5…

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance — that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
~ Herbert Spencer

Frankly, I have no idea who he was. I stole that quote from page 570 of Alcoholics Anonymous (3rd edition,) known to drunks worldwide as “The Big Book.” Whoever or whatever ol’ Herb was, he was also a wise man.

I mostly ignored similar concepts for most of my life. I would have told you that I was a liberal, well-educated, philosophically-inclined, hyper-intelligent and…

In my last post, I noted that faith requires not only courage but also practice. I can’t expect faith to arrive on my doorstep if I do nothing to summon it.  Likewise, I can’t hope that faith will stick around for the journey if I do nothing to entertain it. I have to practice living with faith in order to trust it will comfort me in my time of need. Sobriety, too, requires practice.

When I set down my last drink, I no more understood what I was getting into than I did the first time my father put a…

This was sent to me by Jason J. who celebrates 3 years of sobriety this week. Notice the date it was written.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

Special Promotions: Win $500 Worth Of Booze!
Monday, January 10, 2005, 1:29 PM

Dear Bill W.

So there's this email that comes to me and it's like a

fortune or horoscope or something. I must have signed

up for it but I delete anything with an unsolicited

weird sender name or hokey message. Anyway the last

one's tag line read:

Your Soulmate Awaits: $500 Laptop Is Waiting For You! 

...and the message read:

Soon you will be faced with two equally tempting

choices.…