I’ve spend this whole, entire day not calling my husband. All I can think about is how much I want to call him, and I know that I can’t call him. When I’m feeling this deep need to connect with him, he can hear it, and he will use it to hurt me.

I have a lot of plans for the weekend, so I’m trying to focus my attention on looking forward to them. I’m trying to focus on ways I can lift my own spirits. I did yoga today, and I have a big yoga workshop tomorrow. There’s a meeting…

I found a kitten in a gutter yesterday! It’s the best thing, ever. She’s soft and cuddly and has a beautiful white belly, and all she does is sit on my shoulder and play with my hair and poop on the floor and sleep and love!

Ωxxxxg

That was a message from her, a beautiful message from my sweet new kitty. I am not sure what it says, but I bet it’s very, very wise. I have to respect kitty’s anonymity, or I’d post a picture of her so you could all see.

Nothing in the world has gotten me back in the…

Both my sponsor and my guru think I need some help with detachment.

Hah!

I agree. I need some help with detachment. I am not speaking with my husband right now, but I’m speaking all around him. I’m talking to his sister, his mother, and anybody else who might have some insight into what the hell I can do to fix him.

I can’t sever the ties. I can’t, can’t can’t do it. I can’t keep my hands out of his life, out of his business.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for when I speak with his mother. His sister, I can justify…

If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I’d find a match
Cuz I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am
If you are chilly, here take my sweater
Your head is aching; I’ll make it better
Cuz I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am
I’d buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear
Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am
You take me the way I am
You take me…

I guess I’m in detox from my drug of choice.

I feel sick and empty inside. I can’t stop my eyes from leaking. I feel needy and desperate and I want to make somebody come take care of me.

I feel like I’m never going to be ok, ever again. I think that I know I will be ok, but I can’t feel it right now. I can’t get comfortable with myself. I can’t be still. I can’t sleep. I can’t think.

I want my husband, and I can’t find him. I could find his body, but he isn’t inside it. I don’t…

I got an email from a reader recently asking me if I ever imagined what my life would be like if I left my husband and found a new partner. It made me think if I come across as someone who never has even considered leaving. It seemed strange that I might make that impression on readers, as I feel like I spend more time thinking about leaving than thinking about anything else.

Each day is a weighting of options: How much would it hurt to leave? How much does it hurt to stay? As long as the solution to that…