A Mother’s Desperation
The story of one mother’s attempt to rescue her daughter from her heroin addiction -a more complete telling of the story introduced in the centerpiece show, Addiction, from the HBO Series.

Our prayers are with this family, and all the others going through similar circumstances.

Heroin has a very high potential for addiction, rarely are people able to experiment with the drug without developing a dependency. The painful withdrawal process from heroin keeps users in a desperate, destructive cycle.

A naturally occurring psychoactive compound has been scientifically identified as possessing anti-addictive properties. Ibogaine is used in Africa by the Bwiti tribe, for ritual and medicinal purposes. Research has proven that Ibogaine creates an immediate reduction in craving, even eliminating the potent withdrawal symptoms of heroin.

Have you ever heard of Ibogaine? Chances are that you haven’t.

Due to its controversial nature it is not used to treat opiate…

Andrew’s dad and I are on the way home this week end from the prison, a day trip, in comfortable quiet. It was snowing heavily when we left, and he debated turning back. But we had gotten up early on a Saturday, and we are committed to visiting twice a month. On the trip home the roads are icy, but I feel safe with him driving.

We rarely talk about Andrew’s future anymore. My husband and I have a past of loss and pain together, the kind that comes with shared visits to hospitals and jails and rehabs. A deep place…

Jason Schwartz’s take on knowing your child had the alcoholic gene made me think.  What would I do differently if I was able to intervene today to stop my sons progression to heroin addict?  This post is not about regrets, or shoulda/coulda.  It is my feelings right now about what I would do if I had a time machine. I came up with 3 things, and I put them out here for consideration, but half of my heart believes there was no stopping him.

1) I would have utilized the family leave act when he ran away the first time at age 16.  I considered it at the…

In the process of discovering other heroin/addiction/recovery blogs, I once found this on Mantramine’s blog.  It’s an older entry, and she writes her husband has decided to have a controlled heroin habit. The post is in her tongue and cheek style, the way we laugh to keep from crying. Before reading that, I had never heard of a heroin user that could hold a job, function in a relationship, appear outwardly normal.

When my son uses just once, he is off and running.

Careening, hurtling, exploding, crashing, don’t eat, lie, lie, score, lie, score, steal, burn bridges with a flame thrower. Kill your soul; faster, faster.

My son is an Addict, with a capital A.  He cannot do anything…

My son has had some long stretches of sobriety, even a few six monthers, over the last 8 years. Sweet, idyllic vacations from active addiction. Each one more precious than the last, after the ravage of a full blown bender. Those periods when I could sleep uninterrupted, secure that Andrew was sleeping in his own warm, clean bed. Wonderful evenings curled under a blanket together watching movies, eating popcorn. Even when he is in jail, I have such a sense of peace. There are drugs there for sure, but I’m confident he won’t overdose on the county’s watch.

Those periods of normalcy were…

Thanks for the invite to write here, Second Road family.  Of course, I’ve been visiting for awhile, as well as knowing many of the voices here from your blogs. This is quite a repository of knowledge and experience for all things addictive and for the hope of recovery.  My name is Lou, and I have been posting at SubduralFlow for a year about my 25 year old son’s heroin addiction.  His 10 years of alcohol and drug abuse have put him on the treadmill of active addiction, rehab, sober, relapse, jail…and do it all over again.

Of course, I was on the treadmill right behind…

My doctor has been great with regards to tapering my dose. He’s been open to hearing about things that I’ve read online about tapering, and he agrees that slow is the best way to go. Our plan is basically for me to drop my dose by about 25% and then stay at the new dose until I stabilize. When I feel ready to lower my dose again, I can. This seems smart and intuitive to me, and I’m glad that he didn’t hand me a fast-set tapering schedule and order me to stick to it.

Tapering, so far, has not been…

I was telling a friend about how my husband pushes all my buttons, and she asked me, “What are you doing with buttons?”

Funny, huh?

Then, I was reading today’s post on Daily Om, and it made a lot of sense:

Buttons are just soft spots that have been touched one too many times, and they symbolize some pain that needs to be acknowledged and healed. This may be a wound from childhood, or some recent trauma, that we haven’t adequately tended. Whatever the case, when our buttons get pushed, the person who most needs our attention and caring is us, and blaming…

I’m learning something about myself…

I’ve really thought that I had this boundary thing down for a long time. After my first few Nar-Anon meetings, I thought I really got it. I just needed to think about what I needed and let my husband know what I needed, and voila! We’ve got boundaries.

I am also a little bit appalled at how long it has taken me to realize that, no, I really didn’t get it.

With my car, for instance…I have gradually, slowly restricted how much I’d let my husband use my car. When we first got married, he had his own…

When my husband is out of the house for whatever reason, I feel this huge weight lift off my shoulders. Just writing that, I feel guilty. He spent the night with family last night after his latest drama, and I got so much done while he was gone. My house is cleaner. My car is cleaner. My dogs are happier. My head is clearer. I love him, and I miss him when he’s not around in some ways, but he really brings the drama and stress. When I have this kind of time to myself, I imagine what my life…