Yesterday Lou heard this Al-Anon promo on the radio (video after the break). Like her, I appreciate the pro-active approach. Especially with alcohol abuse on the rise since the recession hit more than a year ago. The comments on her post range and I, too, am wondering your thoughts about this. Blogger Indigo’s comment appealed most to me–that the ads are a good approach, noting that we have more tools available now than when meetings originally began. Why not use them to promote a message that could help people get into recovery–and dissolve the taboos surrounding the disease?

Always a sucker for both science fiction and anything vaguely related to time travel, this season I’ve started watching ABC’s new series, Flash Forward. The premise of the show is that everyone on Earth simultaneously loses consciousness for approximately two minutes and sees visions of a few minutes of their lives six months in the future. The show follows Mark Benford, the FBI agent leading the investigation into the cause of the “blackout,” as well as the lives of several intersecting characters, and then examines how their visions of the future affect their actions in the present.

The interesting thing about…

A few days ago, The Junky’s Wife sent me an e-mail with the subject line “Lois Movie!” (Yes, I am shamelessly piggybacking on JW’s superior recovery research skills and pop culture knowledge.) Now for most people, that might imply that a new Superman film is coming out. After all, in spite of the fact that Google seems to think it’s Family Guy’s Lois Griffin, isn’t Lois Lane the world’s most famous Lois? But if you have spent time working a 12 Step Anon programs for friends and family members of addicts, you have Lois Wilson, founder of Al-Anon and wife of…

I just completed the third step with my Al-Anon sponsor, and it involved telling my life story. I had to write it all out, from beginning to end, with particular focus on the parts of my life where I felt like God had been particularly involved in a situation. It was an interesting exercise…I began with my family before I was born, and I went all the way up to today.

Finding all the places where God touched my life was truly enlightening. Particularly, looking at the ugly times, like the sexual abuse. I’d never regarded the denial that kept me…

I get such a jones for my husband after about 24 hours away from him. It does me good to get away and to remember how the normals live–but I miss him. I miss his face. I miss the way he looks at me. I miss the way we play. I love coming home.

There was a while during the worst of both our sicknesses when I didn’t want to come home to him. We couldn’t communicate, and I couldn’t enjoy anything. I couldn’t see beyond the miserable past and the terrifying future, and I missed a lot of good time.…

One of the most interesting questions that has come up during discussions about recovery with sponsees is  whether the steps were the only way.

I immediately thought “Yes”. But then I realized that I needed to qualify that by saying, “Yes, for me they are a proven way.” But the steps may not be the only way for others.

So I went back to the source. The Big Book states, “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery..”
And further reading revealed that “It would be a product of false pride to claim that A.A. is…

Sometimes, when my husband smiles, it is my favorite. There are small creases around his mouth and eyes that show up only when he smiles. Sometimes, I am able to make him smile. It is my thing, then, a thing I have created, just with words and touches. I always want to be able to create things in him with words and touches. That’s kind of at the core of codependence…I want my words, my lips, my hands and all to be magic for him. I want them to inform his feelings, his choices, his thoughts. I want to be…

This recovery thing, even in the midst of financial melt down, this recovery thing has helped to keep me grounded. Regardless of the grey clouds that loom over head I am able to recover and remain grounded in the company of a meeting, listening to others, being reminded I am not alone and that there is so much more to life now than there was before I began this recovery thing.

I recently shared in a meeting that I have begun to feel as if I am taking on more and more service work with Al-Anon. And the feeling that I get is similar to those pre-program years when I took on more and more things at work and at home, only to feel trapped and resentful that I had taken on too much.

I inventoried what was going on and find that I’m not wanting to take on anything else. In fact, I’m wanting to rotate out of service on some things. I haven’t volunteered to do the Beginner meeting in…

I’ve always liked the Al-Anon closing statement. But this part of it I have found particularly moving:

“A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long: Whatever your problems there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.”

I can get enough of the Responsibility Declaration of AA:

I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. For that, I am responsible.

We discussed it yesterday at a meeting I attended, and it was funny because I’d chanted it to my husband who kept interrupting me and wanting attention while I was on the phone with a sponsee who was struggling. At the meeting, everyone shared on our thoughts of our own 12 step work and the idea of being responsible for passing on the tools we’ve learned through…

When I first started in Al-Anon, I thought that there was a different language being spoken. There are a lot of phrases that are used such as “One Day at a Time”, “Let go and let God” “How important is it?” and many others. One of the acronyms that I could identify with was F.I.N.E. which means F–kedup, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. How true those adjectives fit me!

I came into the program after a lot of years of frustration, anger, self-pity, denial and low self-esteem. I always thought that I was a bit of a loner, although I like people.…

I spent the weekend at an Al-Anon retreat near my home. My Nar-Anon sponsor came along with me, and my Al-Anon sponsor was there as well. It was great to spend more time with both of them and to make some new friends. There weren’t as many meetings as I would have liked to attend, so I was a little disappointed; however, it was nice to be able to relax. We were in a beautiful valley with nothing to do for long hours of the day, which was good for me. I took a big nap, read, knitted, and hung…

When I first walked into an Al-Anon meeting, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was at a very low point emotionally and knew that I needed to get some help. They say in AA that you have to hit bottom before you recognize the problem and get with the program, or else you die. I guess you can say that I had pretty much hit bottom emotionally. I felt empty and tired of everything. I had pushed myself to work, do chores, and keep life moving along by sheer determination. My “qualifier” and SO wasn’t getting any better in…

He who is supposed to be my other half feels more like a stranger to me and I cannot shake how ironic it seems that we are recovering but moving farther apart. As if the heavens were to show us just how much of a say we have in the matter, and I feel as though the earth were laughing at our persistence to find one another again, flicking us away as I would a bothersome gnat on a humid summer afternoon.

But is it true really that nothing comes easy? I remember long ago when things came easy in my…

My new Al-Anon sponsor hasn’t yet been impressed with my nerdiness, not one time. She dishes and dishes out homework to me…be grateful for this…pray for that…wait a million years and pray a billion times before making any decisions…read a thousand books…and I do all of it, well and quickly, and not once has she ever given me a single gold star! Not an A+, not a 100% score…nothing! Every time I’m done with one thing, she just tells me to do something else!

What in the world is going on here? How hard do I have to work and how…

I’m reading Discovering Choices with my Al-Anon sponsor, which I think is Al-Anon’s newest book. I thought I’d answer some of the questions here, just to keep me blogging and keep me answering the questions…two birds and all.

How healthy are the relationships in my life?

It’s complicated to answer this question. Some of my relationships are amazingly healthy. I have wonderful girlfriends whom I trust with really personal information. I can count on them to be available to talk to me and not to judge me or my choices. These relationships give me hope that I can set up good boundaries with…

Who are in a place where there is despair, living daily with an alcoholic or a dry drunk I want to encourage you to pick up their big book and read the chapters for the wives/spouses and the chapter for the family.

Read it twice or three times if needed. The chapter for the family is what I have read now four times in the past week, to remind myself that change takes time and work, but always it leaves me feeling hopeful for what my part in this change and this process can be.

It never occured to me to pick…

When I first heard the term “double winners”, I didn’t really care for it. I couldn’t see who would “win” anything by being in AA and in Al-Anon. It seemed more like double losers. Nothing was won in a competition or even a lottery unless there’s some sort of cosmic lotto that determines who stays sober and who doesn’t.

But now I realize that those who have been in AA for a while and come to Al-Anon have been twice blessed. An AA who has found alanon or an alanon who has found AA is fully working the programs to their…

Over the weekend I asked my husband to listen to me and to talk after if he wanted to, then I went through the short list of items in my head that I needed to say, that I needed him to hear, mentally checking them off one at a time, making sure I was watching how I said what I was saying so that if need be at a later date I could stand behind my words, my promises to myself.

I came across a wonderful fable tonight. It is a metaphor for knowing when to let go.

You will have to follow the link, the cyber-bridge if you will, to read the beautiful story called The Bridge.

There was a man who had given much thought to what he wanted from life. He had experienced many moods and trials. He had experimented with different ways of living, and he had had his share of both success and failure. At last, he had begun to see clearly where he wanted to go.

Diligently, he searched for the right opportunity. Sometimes he came close, only…

As I continue to grow in my recovery, I am finding that lots of people who I seek to advise me have lots of opinions about what I should do with my mornings and nights. Last night, my husband was waiting for me to go to bed as I went through my long, laborious ritual of self-care and God-seeking, and he finally had a mini-mantantrum to get my attention after an hour had passed.

When I began meditating with my guru, he started me out with 10 minute meditations in the morning and evening. I’ve now moved up to 20 minute…

Friday night AlAnon is squeezed into the back hall of a church, between the entrance and the meeting room where the AA’s go. We sit at a large table just inside the door. Every time an AAer comes in late, or leaves to go outside and smoke (or something), we get a blast of cold air from the outside. Friday night the temperature was 3 degrees. We came dressed for a cold meeting; we’ve been through this.

In the back of the Courage to Change reader are page numbers of daily readings that relate to each step. The man next to…

I’ve been reading the book Grieving our Losses, which is a relatively new CAL from Al-Anon. It’s been discussed at a couple of meetings where people have shared about  losses of children, spouses, friends and parents.

I’ve lost both my parents but I’ve come to grips with that. What has struck me though is the need to grieve the free spirited kid that was me until alcohol came into the picture. I don’t think that I ever really got good parenting that protected the little kid within me. There were a lot of expectations that I was to get good grades,…

I am no behavioral therapist, but lately I have noticed that my husband stashes his soda bottle, empty and warm in the same place he used to stow away his old wine bottles.

I am grateful it is soda.When my husband drank he would pile empty wine bottles up behind, on top of or under the radiator in the front room where the sofa was. He would leave them there, empty for me to discover. Sometimes when he had not finished the complete bottle, he would leave the wine there for later, hidden behind the empty bottles.

So when he was arrested in…

I enjoyed the meeting last night. I didn’t exactly get the nap that I’d planned but opted to get a little Christmas shopping done. Then it was off to the meeting. The topic was gratitude.

The person who brought the topic talked about being grateful that his son who is an addict and an alcoholic showed up for the Holidays. The son is in the process of wandering around the country by hopping freight trains. He showed up with a couple of friends who were described as “having enough metal pierced in their faces to look like a Cadillac grille”. The…

I’ve heard a lot of jokes and humor regarding the Al-Anon program. I don’t take offense at them because there often is a misunderstanding of what the program is about.
What it isn’t is a program that bashes or promotes criticism of the alcoholic. In fact, Al-Anon encourages compassion towards the alcoholic. It is really about those who have been affected by the disease of alcoholism.I’ve listened many times over the past few years to a lot of pain coming from women and men who are living with active alcoholism. They cry in pain because someone they love is either dying…

The following is a letter that appears in the booklet Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2009. I found this letter to be particularly moving. It pretty much sums up what I’ve felt in my relationship with the alcoholic.

You’re an alcoholic. I thought you needed me, that’s why I fell in love with you. It was easier to delve into your drama than to look at my own issues.

I wasn’t the problem; you were. If only I could fix you, we could live like normal people, happily ever after. With blinders on, I didn’t want to acknowledge your alcoholism as a disease.…