Heard at a meeting (won’t tell you who said these):

“Never ever plan to NOT go to a meeting.”  It is alright to not go, for one reason or another–just do not PLAN it that way.  Ya never know!

When I take some time out to meditate–somehow I always ALWAYS end up with more time that day.

Out of the 86,400 seconds in a day, did I bother to take even ONE of them to thank my Higher Power?

“Don’t die on Third” (Third Step, that is…)  Too many of us go back out, because we stayed for months trying to work perfectly the…

Always a sucker for both science fiction and anything vaguely related to time travel, this season I’ve started watching ABC’s new series, Flash Forward. The premise of the show is that everyone on Earth simultaneously loses consciousness for approximately two minutes and sees visions of a few minutes of their lives six months in the future. The show follows Mark Benford, the FBI agent leading the investigation into the cause of the “blackout,” as well as the lives of several intersecting characters, and then examines how their visions of the future affect their actions in the present.

The interesting thing about…

• A brief history of scholastic inebriation (Too bad they missed Robert Smith whose U of M fraternity brothers called his father to fetch him because his drinking was out of hand.)
• Claims injection site dropped Downtown Eastside crime ‘very much exaggerated,’ say cops
• Battling Addiction With Those Who Know It Best
• New UK study suggests minimal relationship between cannabis and schizophrenia or psychosis
• Cocaine exposure during pregnancy leads to impulsivity in male, not female, monkeys

Roger Ebert breaks his anonymity:

You may be wondering, in fact, why I’m violating the A.A. policy of anonymity and outing myself. A.A. is anonymous not because of shame but because of prudence; people who go public with their newly-found sobriety have an alarming tendency to relapse. Case studies: those pathetic celebrities who check into rehab and hold a press conference.

In my case, I haven’t taken a drink for 30 years, and this is God’s truth: Since the first A.A. meeting I attended, I have never wanted to. Since surgery in July of 2006 I have literally not been…

When my husband was newly sober he would wake in the middle of the night in a sweat, breathing heavily as if the beast’s of hell were after him in the dream he woke from. He would tell me about those dreams of him drinking and try as I might I did not understand. These dreams happened more often in the start of his sobriety, but every now and again, another dream will come to him. I thought how terrifying that must be, to be tempted in your sleep by the very thing you know you are working at staying…

Wikipedia defines duct tape as a strong,  multi-purpose pressure-sensitive adhesive tape. In America, we define duct tape as the multi-purpose, quick fix-it for all circumstances that need an immediate, temporary fix. This can range from taping the spine of a book together or holding a headlight in place until a repair can be done. Duct tape is the all-American fixer-upper.

My father used duct tape in an attempt to fix me. When I used to drink and black out—which was more often than I care to recall—I wasn’t always the best driver. I drank, and I drove, and I bounced off things…

Bill White has published another comprehensive monograph, this time it’s Peer-based Addiction Recovery Support: History, Theory, Practice, and Scientific Evaluation. This, along with the his monograph, Recovery Management and Recovery Oriented Systems of Care: Scientific Rationale and Promising Practices should be considered essential reading for anyone working in the field.

I may have more to say after an opportunity to dig into it.

Technorati Tags: addiction, recovery, AA, research

” Guitar Fairies, Sobriety Fairies, and other tales from the dark side, light side and which side is up?

By RUkiddingme?

Rule # 1; Don’t take a drink one day at a time.

Rule # 2; Never take three and a half hits of Purple Haze double domes without waiting between doses for it to catch up. This is very important!!!. Some say that’s what happened to me.

Rule # 3; Middleton Group #1. Rule # 62; “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

Especially me, or anything I write in this blog.

Middleton Group # 1. Rule # 62. That is from the Twelve and…

Addiction Research and Theory published a review of mechanisms of behavior change in AA.

Here’s an excerpt from their conclusions:

Why have spiritually-oriented organizations, like AA, become so popular among alcohol and other drug addicted individuals and not as popular among those suffering from other kinds of mental disorders? One reason perhaps is that the disinhibiting effects from heavy alcohol and drug use frequently generate deviations from one’s own moral code or set of values. Repeated over and over this “Jekyll and Hyde” scenario can lead to a sense of profound moral failing, self-blame and self-loathing. As structural and functional brain alterations…

He who is supposed to be my other half feels more like a stranger to me and I cannot shake how ironic it seems that we are recovering but moving farther apart. As if the heavens were to show us just how much of a say we have in the matter, and I feel as though the earth were laughing at our persistence to find one another again, flicking us away as I would a bothersome gnat on a humid summer afternoon.

But is it true really that nothing comes easy? I remember long ago when things came easy in my…

Who are in a place where there is despair, living daily with an alcoholic or a dry drunk I want to encourage you to pick up their big book and read the chapters for the wives/spouses and the chapter for the family.

Read it twice or three times if needed. The chapter for the family is what I have read now four times in the past week, to remind myself that change takes time and work, but always it leaves me feeling hopeful for what my part in this change and this process can be.

It never occured to me to pick…

When I first heard the term “double winners”, I didn’t really care for it. I couldn’t see who would “win” anything by being in AA and in Al-Anon. It seemed more like double losers. Nothing was won in a competition or even a lottery unless there’s some sort of cosmic lotto that determines who stays sober and who doesn’t.

But now I realize that those who have been in AA for a while and come to Al-Anon have been twice blessed. An AA who has found alanon or an alanon who has found AA is fully working the programs to their…

Over the weekend I asked my husband to listen to me and to talk after if he wanted to, then I went through the short list of items in my head that I needed to say, that I needed him to hear, mentally checking them off one at a time, making sure I was watching how I said what I was saying so that if need be at a later date I could stand behind my words, my promises to myself.

When addiction moved into my house, and settled in for a long stay, I hit the library, Borders, and the internet.  I was voracious in seeking information about causes, cures, and the latest thinking.  No scrap of information was inconsequential.  I combed blogs looking for that story that matched mine.

I learned a lot.  Sadly, I found many stories that matched mine.  Eventually, my pain overrode my pride and I went to AlAnon.  I learned I had played a part in this.  I found recovery stories, and I savored each like a piece of fine chocolate.

After awhile, I began to see disagreement in the recovery community. …

The words strike one after another, “Your grandmother just called your dad is drunk again; she wants to know if you can come over and talk some sense into him”. I want to shut those words out, ignore my grandmother’s plea – nothing good ever comes from these confrontations. My silence puzzles him, “Can you give me a ride please”.  “Are you alright?” “No, I’m not, this is nothing new…sigh it’s the same dance, over and over again.” When we arrive I go directly to the basement where my grandmother is staying with my father  in the lower half of…

As he walks in the door I can’t help but exclaim, “I was just asked to write for Second Road”.  He gives me a hug and says, “That’s awesome..”. Then he looks at my face, “What’s that look?”. “It was suggested my first post be an introductory…” raising an eyebrow. We both know how well I do in that arena. When it comes to writing, there is a simple flow of thoughts to fingers, onto the page before me. Introducing myself…brings out hesitation, a reminder of my first AA meeting, or the lone aspect of my personality. I spent a lifetime avoiding people,…

It’s a funny thing. My husband’s life has been right here waiting for him to be ready. There are all these books…and they’ve always been here. Suddenly, they are everywhere, and he’s reading them. He already had a copy of the NA Basic Text, the AA Big Book, the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and several other recovery-related books. When his sponsor said, “Do you have a Big Book?” he was able to say, “Yep.” He didn’t have to ask me to borrow money or confess that he has no money of his own. Somehow, life had provided him…

Somebody at last night’s New Year’s Eve party referred to Prince’s old song, 1999, and said, “Remember when that song came out, and 1999 seemed so far away?” Everyone in the room, a bunch of 30 and 40-somethings, nodded aggressively. I was in high school when 1999, the song, came onto the scene, and I was just beginning my introduction to alcohol. 

College in the late 80’s and early 90’s solidified my position as a “social” binge drinker–mostly in conjunction with my sports teams. It wasn’t until long after 1999 that I began my alcoholic drinking odyssey. It took about three years for me to…

I would like to thank The Second Road for letting me be of service.  I consider it an honor to be asked to contribute to this site.  I learned early on in recovery that I would need to go to any lengths to stay sober; and I consider sharing my history of alcoholism and recovery through this site a means of going to any lengths.  My life today is one that, at times, I do not recognize.  The person I have become through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is far removed from the person I once was.  I hope that by…

It’s 5:15AM, and I’m awake. I’m not typically awake at 5:15AM, but these are unusual days. Thinking at 5:15AM, after too little sleep, is an interesting adventure. Fortunately, sometimes adventures are interesting and fruitful. Let me explain.

Yesterday, at the suggestion of myself, I decided to write a gratitude list. I thought that was a pretty good suggestion from an alcoholic momentarily sponsoring herself! Last night at a meeting, I spoke about taking people and things for granted. My sleep-deprived brain must have recalled that conversation. This morning I was jolted with the realization that I’d left one large…er, huge item off my gratitude list.…

My depression has been off the charts lately. I went through a brief period of hypomania, complete with excess spending, lack of need for sleep, and pressured speech, which was fun. But last week, I fell faster than a dead bird from the sky and crashed so hard it physically hurt. This prompted my psychiatrist to wonder about the possibility of bipolar disorder! WHAT???? Whatever the diagnosis, however, the pain is unchanged.

I’m so tired of talking about the pain. I’m so tired of battling the pain. I’ve been locked up in my incredibly disorganized and messy home, unable to sleep,…

I

It’s not meant to be. Not right now, anyway… Picking up the pace to beat the “Don’t Walk” sign yesterday just about made me scream. My right leg needs time to heal, I guess, so no marathon for me this weekend. No running at all, I think. I have a doctor’s appointment next week to check this out, but ultimately, I think I just need to rest.

I love rest, but I hate forced rest! I also hate the fact that I was in great shape to run a good marathon only to be thwarted by the weather! And now, injury blocks…

There are lots and lots of ways to learn to live a sober life, and addicts and alcoholics aren’t the only people who are looking for meaning in life.  And wether we find meaning in a church or a meeting or in the mindful experience of everyday living, it is always accompanied by some kind of faith. Finding meaning means believing in something that is possible to doubt, like the trustworthiness of an idea or a transcendent reality or a Supreme Being.

AA’s founder, Bill Wilson wrote that the foundation of his sobriety was faith, “faith that, despite all worldly appearances…

I don’t know if I can do this again, but of course I will. It’s 6:45AM. In 15 minutes I have to load up Puck and leave for the vet clinic. It may seem like no big deal, especially if you are not a pet owner, but Puck is my child-equivalent. It is a big, big deal. My heart has already sunk, too heavy to remain suspended in its usual locale. I feel so guilty for throwing that damn ball. I feel so sorry for the pain he is in and the severe pain he is about to endure. I…

More and more I’m beginning to think that if one gets sober and stays sober it is entirely by happenstance; that no amount of effort, no profound experience, no treatment program, no great desire, no necessity, has the power to get and keep any of us sober. And I certainly don’t have the power to produce sobriety on my own. So if I can’t get sober because I want it bad enough, need it bad enough, have worked hard enough for it, have paid enough for it, etc., then every day that I happen to stay sober must be an anomaly. A…

GREAT! I caught a virus yesterday. Literally, it came on in the matter of a couple minutes! Boom! I was sick! Very, very strange. Stayed in bed as much as I could. No exercise. Today I worked nine hours. That’s a long day in a hospital. Nine hours of interacting with, lifting, pulling, prodding, encouraging, instructing, and smiling for patients in pain–and their families–is incredibly exhausting. I am totally wiped out.

I hate feeling this wiped out, this exhausted, this dead. My brain is as dead as my body. It’s been a few consecutive days of fatigue now, even before I…

“I can see why you are disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, “A.A. is a selfish program.” The word ’selfish’ ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others.

Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits.

What do these speakers mean? Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have……”

From As Bill Sees It

My wife and I recently had a discussion about being selfish. She thought that I was being selfish for…

Well, it has been a long time since I entered a blog. This month has been a little busy, with some unexpected happenings. But I guess that is life!

Amends story ……………

So, I missed my friend’s burial, arrived at the meal after the funeral to have his father tell me repeatedly how important Junior and my friendship had been to him. To say that I felt like the biggest jerk in the world would have been an understatement.

Going to see Junior in the cemetery for amends was one of the first things to pop on my eighth step list a few…

From the AA Grapevine Digital Archive:

ONE THURSDAY evening, April 2, 1840, nearly 100 years before the advent of Alcoholics Anonymous, six good drinking buddies were gathered at Chase’s Tavern on Liberty Street in Baltimore, Md.

The more they drank, the more their discussion centered on temperance, which was one of the most popular topics of the day. This meeting and subsequent discussions led to the formation and brief, spectacular life of the Washingtonian movement, which grew in membership to over 400,000 “reformed drunkards” and then destroyed itself overnight and dropped out of sight.

The story of the Washingtonian movement brings sharply into…

Ever have one of those days where the past smacks you in the face over and over again? I created one of those days today. I’ve been missing some important items for a few years, and I set out to find them today. Why have I been missing things? As I’ve remarked here previously, I had ECT treatments for my treatment-resistant depression. As a result, I lost my memory–totally–and therefore lost a few years of my life. I moved into this house right in the middle of that lost time period. I don’t remember packing or moving so it’s not…