A recent meeting topic was forgiveness. One of the members shared that it was hard for her to forgive her alcoholic mother. She loved her mother but had a hard time forgiving her and now needed to do so.

What I’ve learned is that I first need to forgive myself. Until I forgive myself for the things that I have done and my attitude, then I harbor resentment, guilt and contempt that poison my relationships with others. Working through my fourth step helped me realize how much anger, judgment and guilt I was carrying over in the decisions that I had…

Another op-ed joins the chorus of pieces hoping that Obama will have the courage to learn from the failures of the war on drugs. The writer makes a great case that avoids the ideological sticking points.

First, apologies for being so slow to respond to the thoughtful comments on the post Work is Your Playground.   This is the link, if you’re interested in that conversation.  

Now for something completely different. 

The Therapeutic Agents of the 12 Steps  

I’m not sure how much real therapy people get when they’re in a 12-Step program prior to a hospital stay, or even after a hospital stay.  And not everyone gets a hospital stay.  

But my guess is that the 12-Step meeting or recovery group becomes the only source of therapy for most people.  And the therapeutic agents of the group experience include:

(a) purging bad experiences by talking about them;

(b)…

News Feature from www.jointogether.com
By Bob Curley

Drugs — and the addiction issue in general — got very little attention during the recently concluded presidential campaign, but now that Obama has won, his duties prior to taking office on Jan. 20 include selecting candidates for some of the top positions for his forthcoming administration. And although the job of director of the…

“Being a sponsor has been an important part of my recovery from growing up with alcoholism. In fact, as a sponsor I never give as much as I get…When I have the privilege of hearing the secret of a sponsee expected to carry in silence for a lifetime, I am reminded of how relieved I was to finally lay down the burden of my secrets with my sponsor…In becoming a sponsor, I cultivate a listening heart for others as well as for myself.”..Hope for Today – August 23.

There are no musts in Al-Anon, except the purpose states that you are…

One of the things that relatives of alcoholics do is put forth a happy face to the world that masks a mess underneath. I’ve always liked the saying that “Happiness is an inside job”. But one of the challenges in recovery is to understand how to go about fixing my inside so that I am able to feel the happiness that I know is buried within.

I’ve read something in one of the on line forums that it’s best to “live life, and allow happiness to find me”, as opposed to trying to pursue happiness. This is a lesson that is…

It’s too late for that, but I do have memories of Mr. Franken running as a joke on Saturday Night Live.   But maybe I’m dreaming.

I have grown children, political creatures, strangely enough, since I tend to be very apolitical. Maybe not so strange.

One of them is also in “the business” which is not a family business at all. The “business” in California is television and movies, and he plays around in this world. The only reason we let him watch so much television growing up was that he swore he would go into the biz.

You can’t deny a…

One of the fundamental tools I learned early on in recovery was HONESTY. It is key to any healing, growth and recovery. As an active addict—I lied. I told white lies that I thought were harmless and I told major lies that I knew were destructive. I lied about little things and I lied about big things. I strung together a laundry line of lies that got so tangled by the end of it that I couldn’t tell fact from my created fiction. The lies were a part of keeping my addiction alive and kicking. The lies were built from…

Sometimes I try to give people who are struggling with addictions a little chizik.  Chizik (rhymes with whiz-ick, hard “ch”) is the Hebrish (Hebrew/Yiddish) word for strength. 

I tell them a quick story a patient told me a long time ago, but the message still works.

I imagine the old-timers in the 12 Step programs tell annecdotes like these over and over again.

An abused teenager cuts school to get high, with or without her friends. She’s severely depressed. At some point her family garbage has worn her down. She used to get good grades. She used to care about people.  No longer.

She’s only 15 and already has a…

Allen Berger, Ph.D.

Psychologist and Author of

“12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery”

In my previous article I discussed the cultural forces that predispose us for addiction. At the risk of sounding paranoid I believe there is a cultural conspiracy against the development of our true-self. Our culture is not wise. On the contrary it emphasizes materialism as manifested by our obsession with “having” over a more spiritual focus on “being.” We are out of balance and the current crises poignantly reflect this reality.

Understanding our culture’s role is one part of the story, but this rest of the story is…

I apologize for being out of the loop lately. I recently had surgery and have been down for a while. This brings me to my recent blog about medication in recovery. Such a fun and always heated topic in meetings. I recently went to my first meeting yesterday after being laid up for a while with my surgery. I brought up the topic and sure enough sparks flew! There is such an interesting and overwhelmingly diverse opinion in recovery about this topic. It is one of the reasons I love recovery—it is one of the places where vast opinions can…

OR CAUGHT IN A STAGE OF EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT. Which is it? How about both.

It’s been said that people with substance abuse and dependency disorders are stuck in the stage of development they were in when they started using, depending, or both.

And it makes sense, really because when that happens, when a person’s first true love, first reliable source of coping and satisfaction is a drug, then psychological development, something that depends so much upon socialization, meaning, depends upon people and healthy relationships, is going to suffer.

So a therapist gets a good psycho-social addictions history and at some point in the treatment…

I’VE SEEN 28 DAYS, AND TALKED TO ENOUGH PATIENTS WITH ADDICTIONS TO KNOW THAT WHEN THEY’RE IN RECOVERY and can keep a plant alive, it’s a very good sign.  A person who can keep a plant alive is getting better.

And vice versa, if a person is trying to get sober but fails, so will the plant.  A very bad sign.

I think it’s so cool how this works.  A person’s going along, controlling the desire to drink or get high, then it happens, there’s a slip, a binge.

For addicted people, you know, a slip is generally going to be a binge.  People who…

by William C. Moyers

On my way to the airport the other day, the hotel van driver asked me that stock question that is inevitable whenever strangers share a ride: “What do you do for a living?”

I told him I work for an organization that helps addicts and alcoholics, loath to go into much detail because the ride was too short to explain treatment, much less the dynamics of addiction.

But the driver picked up on it right away: “Man, I was in treatment six times before I gave my life to the Lord Jesus Christ,” he said. “I turned my life…

AT THE GATE I EMAIL MY KIDS, ALL ADULTS, TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY TRIP.

Why would I bother texting with thumbs on a cell phone when in only a few hours I’ll be home? The anxiety. It’s the anxiety. Maybe I won’t make it home. Maybe the plane will go down. Who knows? So I email them. I say:

The trip was great, a real vacation. Four days I didn’t make a single meal. People fed me. This is what it must be like to be a child. It is a very good deal. Kids shouldn’t complain so much if there’s food…

When I went to my first Al-Anon meeting, I met a lot of people who were welcoming and kind. I listened but didn’t understand what I was hearing. I was told to “Keep coming back” which I did. At the next meeting, I met the person B. who became my sponsor. It was one of those moments of clarity that I’ve had throughout my life when I sense a kindred spirit and someone with whom I feel comfortable.

Anyway, as I attended more and more meetings, I learned that most of the people attending were all sponsored by one person. Although…

One of the things that I’ve come to realize in Al-Anon is that there are a variety of life stories with regard to the effects of alcohol. Some people have had it very rough while others have not been through financial ruin or physical abuse. One thing that we can all identify with is the emotional upheaval that occurs when living with an alcoholic.

When I first started going to meetings, I thought that I had it so bad. Gradually, I came to realize that it didn’t matter how bad my lot was because comparing myself to others wasn’t useful. Rather…

by William C. Moyers

In the interest of full disclosure, first I must admit the following:

—I am a former binge drinker.

—It was in college that I began to drink alcoholically.

—Today I am in long-term recovery from my alcoholism.

—I work for a facility that treats people addicted to alcohol, some of whom are as young as 16.

—I know and respect the former college president who is leading a nationwide effort to lower the drinking age. And I strongly disagree with him.

In other words, all of the above make it impossible for me to take an objective position in the debate to allow…

by William C. Moyers

The problems young people encounter with alcohol and other drugs don’t take a summer vacation. But it seems those problems rise to the forefront when it’s time for young people to go back to school.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Last Friday night, our 16-year-old daughter had a party. It was supposed to be just for some high-school classmates to mark the end of summer and the start of their sophomore year, with pizza, pop and snacks. Yet she posted the invitation on Facebook and told her friends to pass along the invite. The result: It seemed as if half…

by William Cope Moyers

There is more to addiction than meets the eye.

And to understand how to overcome it often means looking beyond what can be seen readily.

No wonder stigma cloaks the truth about addiction and confusion muddles how to appreciate successful recovery.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Why do you think it is that many addicts seem to have charming personalities that make them so engaging to others? My sister had us all in the palm of her hand. She was a beauty queen, the most popular senior in high school, had boyfriends galore and then a wonderful husband — and all of…