Hey Murph,

Boy - not bringing home a paycheck is beginning to get on my nerves a bit…ya know?  Here I am, a grown woman, not very far away from the time in her life when she should be thinking about retirement, and, instead, I have no health insurance, and no job.  Makes a girl think about buying a bottle of wine.  I could just sit on my back porch and enjoy a quiet evening all by myself sipping and smoking.  What would that first sip taste like?  Would it linger on my tongue, and soak all my taste buds with the solid…

Dear Murph,

It’s been a long time since I’ve written.  After my doggie died I was in a funk and didn’t do much of anything.  Then I got some kind of flu and was laid out for 2 days.  I’m feeling fine, but I’m in a kind of  no-man’s-land lately.  I have no income, have been looking for a job, have been trying to do some writing, but I feel like I’m just floundering.  Here I am, a grown adult who should be retiring in a few years, and I have no financial security in place to ease the burdens of…

Dear Murph,

I knew it was coming…..I knew it for a long time.  She’s been slowing down with a steady rhythm that always ends at the same place.  Even though she was a spitfire way beyond her years, the last couple of months have been a constant deterioration in her movement, her eating patterns and her interest in anything beyond the small comfort zone of her bedding.  She has been blind, yet her eyes constantly oozed a mucous goo that had to be treated several times a day with special drops.  She was on a regimen of five pills in the…

Hey Murph,

I just spent a wonderful afternoon celebrating my dear friend’s birthday.  A small group of women gathered at her home, in the middle of The Blue Ridge  Mountains - at 59 I was the youngest.  This was not your typical group of “mature women .”  One of them, previously an IBM Executive’s wife, now speaks to dragons, reads crystals, and follows many Native American practices and spirituality.  One of them is a reflexologist who always must consult “spirit” before she does anything, is completely organic,  is a walking encyclopedia on anything that comes from the earth, and a couple…

Dear Murph,

Thanks so much for giving me this wonderful week with my family and friends and for allowing me to fill my soul with memories I had not thought about for a very long time.  Thanks for the healing that has taken place and for realizing, once again, the importance of family.

Today, Saturday, my brother, sister-in-law and I went to see my nephews and their families.  I had not seen them for many years and one of my nephews has 3 phenomenal children, age 15, 13 and 9.  Although I hadn’t seen them for almost 6 years, they greeted me…

Hey Murph,

Not so good at writing every day, huh?  But being back in my hometown of Chicago has been a very emotional experience this time around.  For so long I have put my youth on a shelf and don’t go there very often.  I spent a lot of years in therapy going through all that stuff and I’ve blocked out many years that I didn’t consider important to what was happening to my in the present moment (how zen of me!).  But coming back this time has really done a  number on me - a very good number.  I am…

Hey Big Guy,

The past two days in Chicago have been a constant ride on the “life is great” bus line and I don’t want to get off.  From the moment I arrived on Monday night to right now (Wednesday at 11:00pm) I have had some absolutely extraordinary experiences.  For the longest time I have put my youth in a drawer and making sure it stayed locked.  I had always figured that it was over and chose not to take the time to remember all the “good stuff” that happened to me growing up.  You know there was more than enough…

I finally made it to Chicago today.  Gonna spend a little time with friends and family and try to network and get some feedback on my manuscript.  The trip was uneventful - I read half of a novel and my old friend Mary and her fiance Ron picked me up at the airport.  It is now exactly midnight so I’m just getting under the wire for my letter today.

My boyfriend call me for the first time since he left for long term treatment.  He sounded healthy, hopeful, grateful for this opportunity to enter a long term rehab program where he…

Sorry I didn’t write yesterday - I was so exhausted when I finally finished doing “Saturday” things that I settled in my bed for a little while to watch The History Channel - that was the end of it for me.  So, here I am, on Sunday afternoon, making sure I write before the rest of the day gets away from me.

Murph, I can’t stop…..I can’t stop thinking, moving around, obsessing, eating junk food in the middle of the night, running here and there, doing all the “stuff” I’ve convinced myself has to be down right now.  I feel like…

Dear Murph,

I’m gonna get right to the point.  I’m leaving for Chicago on Monday (my hometown) to visit family and friends and to do some networking in the publishing arena.  I have an older sister who has not spoken to me for nearly 5 years, primarily due to the fact that I fell in love with someone who has a rough road trying to stay clean.  As you know, this disease puts us on the emotion roller coaster and gives us the ride of our lives.  Bottom line - my sister has refused to speak to me since this man…

Hey Old Buddy, Old Pal -

Once again it’s the end of the day and I this is the first moment I’ve had to actually sit down.  I was talking to a friend today at the clinic where I volunteer and he asked me if I thought time was moving at mock speed as we get older.  I had to agree.  I seems like just yesterday it was February - the weeks go by faster than I ever remember.  As a child, it used to be eons between one Christmas and the next and now it seems as if seasons change…

Hey Murph,

I can barely keep my eyes open, but as I promised, I’m writing you.  Today was another one of those “where is my brain?” days.  Too much to do…..didn’t get it all done, but I got to have lunch with an old friend who always lifts my spirits, and that was delightful.  I just found out that the office that we used to rent for TSR is being listed because we’ve not been able to pay the rent.  That was actually okay with me.  I’m not there much these days, and since I’ve been looking for a paying job,…

Yesterday it snowed all day.  It was as if there was a giant flour sifter in the heavens that just endlessly dusted layer upon layer of light, pure, dainty snow powder all over the land.  I stayed in the house, the grey sky telling me to be still, enjoy the quiet and just listen.  I did as I was told.  I spent most of the day in my bed, reading and just being quiet - letting the stillness speak.  This is what it said:

Our time in this place is temporary.  We do not know when we will leave, nor do…

I’ve been on a little spiritual sabbatical of late.  Actually, my spirituality is  not so much on sabbatical as are the methods that I use to express it.  I was born and raised Roman Catholic - I think I already told you that I went to Catholic grade school, high school, college and grad school.  I left “The Church” in my early twenties, only to return in my early thirties when my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  I made the standard bargain with God - “Save my mom and I’ll come back.”  I came back.  My mom died.  But…

We know that “We are everywhere.” New technology from Ann-e helps addicts utilize, support and connect with the recovery network.

From About.com:

You are in recovery, but you have a sudden urge to pick up. You are away from your home base and your 12-step contacts, but you need to talk to someone, anyone who understands. You feel isolated and you need to connect with someone else in recovery.

Now, there’s a app for that.

Annie’s idea for a peer-to-peer phone application was inspired from a shopping encounter where she recognized an addict’s need for help and the loneliness many addicts feel when…

I recently went to an art show where the inmates at our local jail were able to exhibit some of their artwork.  When I was incarcerated at this same institution, there were no such programs available.  Most of the prisoners at this jail are there for crimes committed in active addiction. Just take a look and see what hidden talents these “addicts” have and what they are able to accomplish when given a chance.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

when our needs seem too vast to seize and control

we look for an easy wave

more painless to sail than building a craft

to satiate that what we crave

and we fall into rivers that turn to rapids

once starting off as a stream

loosing ourselves in compulsive deeds

that full of dangers teem

‘til we’re unable now to close our eyes

as we feel the dodgy hangman

moving bit closer with each passing day

and wonder how all this began

look back to the first time you evaded the storm

when you felt you dented your soul

when the natural order of things were displaced

and you tried to fill up the hole

by…

Last night, on my way to yoga, I was really looking forward to a workout. The week before, we had done some pretty challenging asanas—mostly heart-opening backbends—and, by the time class wound down, I was drenched in sweat and had this satisfying sense that I had broken through something and gone beyond previous limitations–physically, mentally and spiritually. Still feeling exhilarated from the previous week’s class, I was hoping last night to be challenged further and break through just a little more.

But when I got to class, my teacher was fighting a cold and I could sense her lack of energy.…

I have been AWOl from the blogging and meeting scene lately.  Why doesn’t matter.

That little thought or quote popped into my head last fall as I thought about the attitude of many of the non program friends I had made through getting involved with music and people that don’t go to church. God just isn’t something they think about, care about or believe in at all.
Even so, God is always there no matter what we think, our personal beliefs or our religious affiliation. He’s still there despite what the atheists think or what we feel about him. Ladies, please don’t…

One of our goals at TSR is to be  a venue where artists in recovery can share their talent with others.  One of the effects of active addiction is a thwarting of our artistic side and recovery offers an open door where we can share our talents freely.  This short story was read to me by a friend in recovery and I asked him if I could put it on the site.  He was listening to NPR one day and they invited writers to submit a 3 minute piece, beginning with the sentence, “The nurse left at five o’clock.”   Here…

For so long, I heard the phrase: When the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving, you will go (and not a god damn second sooner). Meaning, when the pain of staying in my dysfunctional relationship became greater than the pain (fear) of leaving it, only then would I leave.

I always tried to imagine this, what this day would look like. I imagined a relapse so bad, so deep in it’s own ooze, that I would have no choice - the pain would be too great. But, it never was. The pain of his using was never to great…

In the process of my personal life drama it was suggested to me that I might be incapable of feeling strong emotion and attachment.  I have been accused of being cold and detached and various other character evaluations.  Considering that I was referred to as overly emotional and needy for the better part of my young adult life, I found these observations to be puzzling. 

As a nearing forty, sober nearly 9 years, fairly even-tempered person, I can say without hesitation that I have grown exponentially in recovery.  Sobriety has taught me how to reign in my neediness and hold my…

This is my first post as Rah Covery Miles. However, you know me. I am the blogger formerly known as A.Miles. I know it is hard to address someone as “A.Miles,” in the blog comments. So most of you used my real name. You can now call me Rah, ok?! My anonymity is very important to me. While most of you know me because I do behind the scenes work at TSR, that should not imply I am comfortable being addressed by my public name. The name that future employers will use and that will show up on a thorough…

We arrive aside the bonfire and a few people greet Frank like they are acquainted with him. They look at me and I’m sure they’re wondering what on earth I’m doing there. I set down the blankets nearby and tell Frank to let them know that anyone is welcomed to them.

The bonfire is giving off an enormous amount of heat, and my face tingles as the hot air hits it. But what I notice most about the air is the smell; a peculiar scent that I’m not familiar with. It’s a combination of wood and rubber and paper. It burns…

Richard G. Hartnett, MA, MS, LCADC, former chaplain at Hazelden New York, author of Sobriety and Inspiration: Entrusting Ourselves to the Source of Our Healing and Creativity

Selfishness — self-centeredness!  That we think is the root of our troubles.  — Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 62.

     Recently Chris Schroeder interviewed me about the role of spirituality in the recovery process for his website.  One of the major themes of the interview was the importance of replacing self-centeredness with reliance on a higher power.  If you would like to watch the interview, you can go to www.afflictedandaffected.com.

     Some people feel that the 12-step recovery…

I drive to a nearby convenience store, and when we pull into the stall he looks confused. Without saying a word, I get out of the car and go into the store. I emerge a few minutes later with a six-pack in tow. I get back into the car and hand him one of the beers. I lean over and put the rest in the back seat, and he looks up at me. “I know, Frank. It’s OK; you’re OK.” He pulls back the tab on the can, and all at once it produces a “crack” sound that is all…

It’s 4:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. It’s the fifth of August and summer has once again come to the island of Oahu with a vengeance. It brings with it unrelenting heat and humidity. I’m sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic and I know from past experience I’m going to have to crawl home inch by inch, mile by mile. A song comes on the radio and it is one of my favorites. I reach for the volume dial and crank it up. The song begins to blast through the speakers, and saturates the inside of my car with sound. I turn…

Every day I receive an e-mail from a wonderful site, gratefulness.org. This month the daily reflections are from one of my favorite Buddhist Teachers and Monks, Tich Nhat Hanh.  I share this with you - read it slowly and keep it in your heart.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

If you do not know how to be patient, how to care, how to use loving speech, you cannot help other people to change. But if we have the energy of compassion and loving kindness in us, the people around us will be influenced by our way of being and living.…

Definition of Salon:

1. A large room, such as a drawing room, used for receiving and entertaining guests.
2. A periodic gathering of people of social or intellectual distinction.

On Sundays, we gather at 8pm EST, for our Sober Salon Chats. Each week brings a new host, topic and lively discussion.  Our host this week is Tom, aka RUKiddingme? has 16 years of sobriety. He has been blogging here for a couple of months; always packaging insightful posts with humor.

Check out his archives, here!

You will need to create a TSR account to log in to the chat room–but what are you waiting on?!! Go,…

I just want to put in a plug for a new treatment center that just opened this week on South Padre Island, Texas.  It’s called Origins and a friend of mine from New Jersey, Pete Marinelli has put his heart and soul into this project to help the sick and suffering addict still out there.  Pete has 20 years of soberiety and I met him one evening when I happened to be in The Garden State and hit an AA meeting.  He introduced himself, sat next to me and made me feel at home.  He’s got a great Jersey accent and ever…