It’s another morning after - but this time it’s just a food hangover.  I went to a 12 step marathon yesterday and ate my weight on carbohydrates and tryptophan.  Now I’m moving just a little slow.  My whole attitude towards Thanksgiving and the holidays is general has changed over the years and continues to do so.  Of course, when I was a child, Thanksgiving was the day that we had to get dressed up and sit at the kids’ table.  The food was good, but I remember it as mostly an “adult” event.  Christmas, however, was magical.  My father would…

I regularly receive  gratitude lists from my friends in the program.  I, however, rarely write one myself.  Today I am going to make an exception.

I am grateful for being clean and sober (we hear that all the time, but it is the truth)

I am grateful for a kind, loving, tender-hearted son who is the joy of my life.

I am grateful for my family members (the ones who are talking to me), and all my friends for their continued support of letting me be who I am.

I am grateful for this wonderful job that lets me live, work and practice my…

“Compassion is not a virtue - it is a commitment.”  So writes Brene Brown in her book ,”I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)”, a book about women and shame issues that I am currently reading and will review in the near future.  As I read this line I had to stop and put the book down.  The words were immediately absorbed into my flesh, my organs, my mind, heart, spirit and soul.  How often have I considered being compassionate as some kind of lofty virtue that I “bestow” on others?  How many times has my compassion just…

I just read a blog written by The Junky’s Wife that ended with a comment about all we have to do is wait,  and pray about whatever it is we’re trying to work through - and that’s it.  Ya know how sometimes you  can read a sentence and it hits you like a ton of bricks?  Well,  that little group of words just knocked me for a loop.

For the past several months I, like everyone else on the planet, have been going through some rather difficult life decision-making processes.  It doesn’t matter what they are.  You have yours and I…

I’m at the tail end of the flu, the funk, a cold, a virus - whatever you want to call it.  It laid me  flat for a few days.  I’m talkin’ in the bed, sweating, freezing, can’t shower or even brush my teeth kinda sick.  I’m talkin’ wanting to burn the sheets kinda sick - even the dogs wouldn’t come near me kinda sick.  I am now literally sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Everyone has it, but when I got it, it was happening to ME!  It’s all about me, remember?  I’m an addict - it HAS…

Last Sunday I went to Washington D.C. and participated in the March for Equality for lesbians, gays, trans-gender and bi-sexual people.  I went for several reasons.  A friend had bought me a ticket on a bus that was going from his church, so there were a group of people that I could identify with.  I have a gay family member and she and her partner have experienced the stigma of same-sex relationships on many levels.  I also marched because I believe we are all in this together….we are all members of the same family of humanity.  I don’t know why…

I recently went to an art show where the inmates at our local jail were able to exhibit some of their artwork.  When I was incarcerated at this same institution, there were no such programs available.  Most of the prisoners at this jail are there for crimes committed in active addiction. Just take a look and see what hidden talents these “addicts” have and what they are able to accomplish when given a chance.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

I just got back from one of my favorite 12 step meetings.  One of the reasons I love this group is because they’re totally down to earth, talk the talk AND walk the walk and there’s always meat on this bones in the basement of this church.  It’s a mix of street folks, non-working upper middle class women, and others who just have a quick hour and use it to fill their soul holes rather than their stomachs.

Today’s topic was early sobriety.  Several folks were recalling what is was like for them so many years ago…the constancy of the pain,…

I just subscribed to a new daily affirmation site that sends personalized messages to me, every day from “The Universe.”  “Hokey,” you say.  Perhaps.  But I’m pretty open to anything that can make me feel better without the use of chemical in any form these days, so what the hell! I just subscribed yesterday, after my blog “Monday, Monday…Can’t Trust That Day” and here’s what popped up this morning on my e-mail.

Tell you what, Ginger: If you can get happy right now, in spite of any problems, challenges, and circumstances that now seem to taunt you, I’ll take care of…

It’s Monday morning and when I look at the week ahead I want to go home, crawl back under the covers and hide.  Well, kinda hide - I’m sure you know what I mean.  That’s why we all  need to take this thing called “life” one day (or one moment) at a time.  I remember when I was first getting sober, I had to sometimes just get through the next hour, or even the next 5 minutes, knowing that my current state would pass (or at least hoping it would pass).  If I kept my heart and mind in the…

I don’t know about you, but I have had a tendency to equate “relaxing” with the negative phrase, “doing nothing.”  I don’t know if it’s because I had to multi-task even as a teen-ager just to get by, or if it’s because our culture constantly infuses our brains with doing things “faster,” or maybe it’s because I’m just wired that way.  In one of my last posts I wrote about staying  in the middle of the road, and how I have been trying, over the past several months, to get closer to that middle line, even if it curves or…

Last night on the TSR Chat Room several people got together and talked about “transference of addictions.”  It was a very lively session and the focus always ended up at the same common denominator - sex and relationship addictions.  Now, I don’t know the Big Book by heart and I know there is a section on the Fourth Step on doing a sexual inventory, but I’m not sure that 12 step tome has much to say about becoming addicted to relationships.  I know that when I attend Al-Anon meetings, relationships are brought up on a regular basis.  After the chat…

I had an acupunture appointment yesterday.  Actually I won it.  I was picking up some Chinese food to go a couple of weeks ago and there was a fish bowl sitting on the counter that said something like “Place your business card here and enter a drawing for a free acupuncture session with….”  So I did.  And I won.  The fact that there were only 2 other cards in the bowl may have had something to do with it.

The word acupuncture comes from the Latin acus, “needle”, and pungere, “to prick.”  According to ancient Chinese medical tradition, acupuncture points are situated…

I feel like Kramer… always running into a meeting or a class, sliding in on my heels - arms flinging as I slam the door open and rush into take my place….whether it be a class at the gym, a doctor’s appointment, a meeting or even coming home, it seems that all I do is rush, rush, rush.  Take yesterday, for example.  I had my day all planned out (yeah, like that’s really going to work).  I had just been to an amazing symposium on addictive disorders and was going to spend the entire day researching and processing all the…

The longer I stay sober, and the more I open myself to the little miracles around me, the more I see the connectedness among all of us.  The following is such an example:

I went to a conference in North Carolina in June where several people with recovery websites got together to exchange ideas.  One of the people in attendance was Neil Scott, the founder and anchor of “Recovery Coast to Coast,” a radio show where recovery is the main topic and Neil interviews all kind of people in and around the world of addiction and recovery.  I drove him to the airport…

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

I’ve been humming…

This past week-end I went to see the movie “Julie and Julia,” a story about a young woman who decides to make every one of Julia Child’s 524 recipes in her famous book in the period of one year and write a blog about it.  She becomes obsessed with this project and as she progresses through each recipe, she becomes more like Julia Child, even to the point of wearing a single strand of pearls, just like Julia’s.  The movie also is about the real Mrs. Child and how she got her start in cooking and became the icon for…

I thought I had reached a point in my recovery where I was taking pretty good care of myself.  After all, I only smoke moderately, only drink 4-5 MUGS of coffee a day, go to the gym, go to meetings, meditate, volunteer - put all that stuff in a bowl, mix until smooth and you have a pretty healthy life…..or so I told myself.  But lately I’ve begun to realize that maybe all that coffee might be a contributing factor to my nervousness (Duh!!!) and perhaps the tar and nicotine that I suck into my lungs on a daily basis…

Every day I receive an e-mail from a wonderful site, gratefulness.org. This month the daily reflections are from one of my favorite Buddhist Teachers and Monks, Tich Nhat Hanh.  I share this with you - read it slowly and keep it in your heart.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

If you do not know how to be patient, how to care, how to use loving speech, you cannot help other people to change. But if we have the energy of compassion and loving kindness in us, the people around us will be influenced by our way of being and living.…

The addict in my life is in jail.  Got arrested yesterday.  The call was very confusing - something about old warrants that supposedly had already been taken care of - I didn’t listen very closely.  He asked me  to make 3 phone calls, which I did.  He asked me to look into 3 long term rehab facilities, which I said I would not do….too little too late. I’ve been mulling over our relationship a lot lately and have definitely come to the conclusion that this man is my drug of choice.  Regardless of the reason - control issues, being the…

I just found out last night that my family is getting together back home in Chicago for a reunion of sorts.  My eldest sister has been the matron of our family for many years.  She has the big house where everyone gathers for holidays and get-togethers.  I basically lived with her when I was in college, taking care of her two daughters, which was one of the most joy-filled periods in my life.  My feelings for these girls (now adult women with babies of their own) are almost the same as I have for  my own child.

My sister (and my…

I just want to put in a plug for a new treatment center that just opened this week on South Padre Island, Texas.  It’s called Origins and a friend of mine from New Jersey, Pete Marinelli has put his heart and soul into this project to help the sick and suffering addict still out there.  Pete has 20 years of soberiety and I met him one evening when I happened to be in The Garden State and hit an AA meeting.  He introduced himself, sat next to me and made me feel at home.  He’s got a great Jersey accent and ever…

I’m working from home this morning.  It’s a grey day, humid and rainy and I don’t have the energy to get in the shower right now, get dressed, and go to the office.  That’s okay.  I’m allowed this time.  So often I think I have to “perform” - to make sure I’m always busy, being productive, getting things done.  My life is chaos incorporated and I forget that down time is just as important as “up” time.

Last night I went to my Nia class.  For me, this is my 90 minute get-away where my body, mind and spirit take a…

I just watched a speech by Christopher Kennedy Lawford from that was delivered in May for inexcesstv.com.  In 28 minutes, he barely took a breath and I was stuck to the screen like white on rice.  He is a bold speaker, right in your face, telling it like it is - speaks openly about his addiction and the hold it has had on his very famous family.  I know someone who has met him and says he has a bit of an ego, but watching this video - so direct - so honest -so raw - kind of gave me…

Well, it’s been 6 days since my infamous decompensation on Main Street, when I found my active addict actively acting out  his addiction.  First of all, thanks to all of you who commented on my blog.  I am so grateful to you guys for the warm fuzzies.  So, as I said, I have been taking care of myself - really, Scout’s Honor - and life has been much more fluid the past couple of days.  I have been taken out to dinner (twice) and I didn’t have to pay - imagine that! All my doggies are, once again, sleeping with…

by Richard G. Hartnett

It’s taken me a very long time to read Richard Hartnett’s new book, “SOBRIETY and INSPIRATION - Entrusting Ourselves to the Source of Our Healing and Creativity.” Although this book is written in a language that is very comfortable, it is a very thorough description of the process  involved in finding self-healing, recovery from addictions and and actually how to  enjoy the process while you’re doing it.  This book cannot be read like a work of fiction.  It must be read slowly so that the reader may ingest, then digest each topic Mr. Hartnett addresses.  This is…

It happened again.  It just happened last week so I thought I was safe for at least a few more days. It was payday…..he works at the bookstore at the community college he attends.  He was going to put in a few hours of work, then study for a group project for his “Human Development” class.  He usually calls a couple of times during the day.  Yesterday - no calls - I already knew.  I called at 4:30, he answered and said he had just gotten off the bus and was heading toward my office to see me.  My stomach…

I had a dream the other night - you know, one of those crazy spaces where you’re someplace but you’re really not there.  I was in a huge office space with hundreds of cubicles neatly stacked in rows so that they all looked identical from the end of the room.  However, the flooring in the hallway next to my cubicle was linoleum instead of carpet so I always knew where I was.  I was all alone, waiting for the rest of the  “company” to move in from some far away place (I think it was Los Angeles - that’s far…

by Carrie Fisher

My very best friend just sent me an early birthday present.  It is a copy of “Wishful Drinking” by Carrie Fisher.  I read it in one sitting.  I read “Postcards From The Edge” many years ago and some of the things Ms. Fisher talks about in this book are remembrances of things past, but this time we see a different Carrie Fisher - one that has been through a  ECT (Electric Shock Therapy), and has awakened to a dead gay man in her bed to name a few.  Sounds just a bit bizarre, but then Ms. Fisher’s life…