When my husband was newly sober he would wake in the middle of the night in a sweat, breathing heavily as if the beast’s of hell were after him in the dream he woke from. He would tell me about those dreams of him drinking and try as I might I did not understand. These dreams happened more often in the start of his sobriety, but every now and again, another dream will come to him. I thought how terrifying that must be, to be tempted in your sleep by the very thing you know you are working at staying…

This recovery thing, even in the midst of financial melt down, this recovery thing has helped to keep me grounded. Regardless of the grey clouds that loom over head I am able to recover and remain grounded in the company of a meeting, listening to others, being reminded I am not alone and that there is so much more to life now than there was before I began this recovery thing.

Our family sessions are going to be coming to an end here in a few weeks. We are starting to cut back to one day a week - its been almost four months and progress has been made. Our oldest attends school now, does no homework, but he attends school. He adheres to the house rules, which are in writing now, we no longer avoid topics because of fear from conflict, everything seems to have fallen nicely into place, he is not quick to anger or blow, the drama is almost non -existent if that is even possible in the…

He who is supposed to be my other half feels more like a stranger to me and I cannot shake how ironic it seems that we are recovering but moving farther apart. As if the heavens were to show us just how much of a say we have in the matter, and I feel as though the earth were laughing at our persistence to find one another again, flicking us away as I would a bothersome gnat on a humid summer afternoon.

But is it true really that nothing comes easy? I remember long ago when things came easy in my…

I got an email from someone who is married to an alcoholic asking my advice and my immediate reaction was I am not qualified. But then I read her story and I heard her tell me things about her life that sounded almost identical to my own, alcoholic husband, children who need a father a wife who needs a participating husband and I knew I was qualified and I knew I had enough information in my own arsenal to help her understand how I got to where I am.

This reaching out that she did was something I was incapable of…

Who are in a place where there is despair, living daily with an alcoholic or a dry drunk I want to encourage you to pick up their big book and read the chapters for the wives/spouses and the chapter for the family.

Read it twice or three times if needed. The chapter for the family is what I have read now four times in the past week, to remind myself that change takes time and work, but always it leaves me feeling hopeful for what my part in this change and this process can be.

It never occured to me to pick…

Over the weekend I asked my husband to listen to me and to talk after if he wanted to, then I went through the short list of items in my head that I needed to say, that I needed him to hear, mentally checking them off one at a time, making sure I was watching how I said what I was saying so that if need be at a later date I could stand behind my words, my promises to myself.

His voice raises from the back room, like a call to arms, a warning for those of us in the home of what is coming next. My oldest stays calm, talks reasonably while my husband increases his volume a little at a time, unable to push his son’s button, he allows his to be exposed and pushed all the while the flashing red warning lights are going off through the rest of the house in my husbands attempt at pulling me in to rescue him. I decline and instead take cover, my youngest and I quickly, find a safe place…

I was naked today, standing there exposed in that cold court room with its cement floors and brick walls, everything was hard as if to tell me of what was to come. My son held the door open for me as we entered the juvenile court room when his name was called, after waiting and anticipating this moment for three hours; our time had arrived. He lowered his head slightly, looked up briefly towards the judge, the lawyers with his big brown puppy dog eyes and he seemed somehow smaller to me, younger more vulnerable. That made me want to…

I am no behavioral therapist, but lately I have noticed that my husband stashes his soda bottle, empty and warm in the same place he used to stow away his old wine bottles.

I am grateful it is soda.When my husband drank he would pile empty wine bottles up behind, on top of or under the radiator in the front room where the sofa was. He would leave them there, empty for me to discover. Sometimes when he had not finished the complete bottle, he would leave the wine there for later, hidden behind the empty bottles.

So when he was arrested in…

Over the weekend I attended an al anon meeting that was a bit out of my way, but I really wanted to try a new meeting and I am glad I did. I was able to see that I am one of the lucky ones. As sick as that sounds to me to verbalize, I know I am.

Before I go further let me give you a bit of background that I do not talk about much; While my husband was in the throes of his alcoholism aside from squandering all of his paycheck every week we went through a period…

Being asked to write here at the Second Road was an honor and a…