Until my daughter was around six, I read to her every night in a bedtime snuggling routine of books and comfort.  My son came five years after her; my daughter began reading on her own about the same time he was ready to lay his head on my shoulder, and listen sleepily to Charlotte’s Web, Peter Pan, and many other classics.

The pay off for those nights of reading to them, every night, no matter how tired or wrapped in my own problems, is two enthusiastic adult readers. The three of us are linked together by our books, even in times…

I laughed today as I remembered something from an AlAnon meeting I went to early on.  It was a new group, strangers, a little out of my comfort zone.

It was the usual mixed bag; young and old, men and women, everyone in various stages on the path to powerlessness.

What I clearly remember, what I took away, was an 84 year old woman there.  She said her son had quit drinking 18 years ago. Does that sound like a long time?  She was 66 years old when that happened!

A bolt of clarity hit me upside the head. The woman was living…

Listening to NPR’s This American Life story on transgendered children, I was struck with the similarity of feelings as parent of an addict.

Two sets of parents were featured. The reaction of both mothers was to blame themselves; the endless tail chasing of trying to figure out what YOU did. I know it so well, I know how long one can stay stuck there. One mother said she was sure it was because she had prayed for a boy, since she already had two girls. It takes years to believe in your gut that you didn’t cause it.

One of the fathers…

“We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God”

The step 3 worksheet my sponsor gave me asked the following:

How was your co dependent behavior in conflict with your values.

It was painful to remember the things I had done.  By not acting, I condoned drug use. I rationalized what I knew to be theft. I lied for my addict. I signed papers in his name. There is more, but gratefully it will stay between my sponsor and I.

I did things for the addict that had I observed someone else acting that way, I…

Andrew’s dad and I are on the way home this week end from the prison, a day trip, in comfortable quiet. It was snowing heavily when we left, and he debated turning back. But we had gotten up early on a Saturday, and we are committed to visiting twice a month. On the trip home the roads are icy, but I feel safe with him driving.

We rarely talk about Andrew’s future anymore. My husband and I have a past of loss and pain together, the kind that comes with shared visits to hospitals and jails and rehabs. A deep place…

Some  believe there are angels among us.  I never gave it any thought B.H. (before heroin).  But my son is alive today through the immeasurable kindness of  strangers.  The people who gave him a dollar, a sandwich, a smile, or a hand up are many.  I will never be able to express my gratitude to the good people along the way to rock bottom who tried to break the fall. I’m in awe of the ones who did not judge.

My son has told me of kind strangers who saw a terribly troubled soul, and reached out. I would like to…

When addiction moved into my house, and settled in for a long stay, I hit the library, Borders, and the internet.  I was voracious in seeking information about causes, cures, and the latest thinking.  No scrap of information was inconsequential.  I combed blogs looking for that story that matched mine.

I learned a lot.  Sadly, I found many stories that matched mine.  Eventually, my pain overrode my pride and I went to AlAnon.  I learned I had played a part in this.  I found recovery stories, and I savored each like a piece of fine chocolate.

After awhile, I began to see disagreement in the recovery community. …

Jason Schwartz’s take on knowing your child had the alcoholic gene made me think.  What would I do differently if I was able to intervene today to stop my sons progression to heroin addict?  This post is not about regrets, or shoulda/coulda.  It is my feelings right now about what I would do if I had a time machine. I came up with 3 things, and I put them out here for consideration, but half of my heart believes there was no stopping him.

1) I would have utilized the family leave act when he ran away the first time at age 16.  I considered it at the…

Friday night AlAnon is squeezed into the back hall of a church, between the entrance and the meeting room where the AA’s go. We sit at a large table just inside the door. Every time an AAer comes in late, or leaves to go outside and smoke (or something), we get a blast of cold air from the outside. Friday night the temperature was 3 degrees. We came dressed for a cold meeting; we’ve been through this.

In the back of the Courage to Change reader are page numbers of daily readings that relate to each step. The man next to…

In the process of discovering other heroin/addiction/recovery blogs, I once found this on Mantramine’s blog.  It’s an older entry, and she writes her husband has decided to have a controlled heroin habit. The post is in her tongue and cheek style, the way we laugh to keep from crying. Before reading that, I had never heard of a heroin user that could hold a job, function in a relationship, appear outwardly normal.

When my son uses just once, he is off and running.

Careening, hurtling, exploding, crashing, don’t eat, lie, lie, score, lie, score, steal, burn bridges with a flame thrower. Kill your soul; faster, faster.

My son is an Addict, with a capital A.  He cannot do anything…

After Sunday night’s chat, I thought about the “why” questions I’d gotten.  Some direct, some indirect, but the inquiring minds of addicts and codies alike want to know Why? Those who have lived it, and come out the other side, every one with a different story, but you know what–we still don’t know the why of addiction, and it aggravates the hell out of us.

I’ll reaffirm the answers I gave Sunday, the answers to the questions I hear all the time.  Often from my own mind.  My addicted son did not suffer any physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.  He has been evaluated by, well, let’s just say lots…

My son has had some long stretches of sobriety, even a few six monthers, over the last 8 years. Sweet, idyllic vacations from active addiction. Each one more precious than the last, after the ravage of a full blown bender. Those periods when I could sleep uninterrupted, secure that Andrew was sleeping in his own warm, clean bed. Wonderful evenings curled under a blanket together watching movies, eating popcorn. Even when he is in jail, I have such a sense of peace. There are drugs there for sure, but I’m confident he won’t overdose on the county’s watch.

Those periods of normalcy were…

I read medical blogs, recovery blogs, prison blogs, and quite a few I stumbled on and just liked.  Of course each genre has a circle of familiar names, and after awhile I feel like I’m following the lives of real people.

I want to know what they are up to, but not everything they are up to, as some mistakenly believe.  Days consisting of waking up, showering, eating, working, stopping at the store, flossing, and cleaning the litter box are not that novel over the long haul.  I understand that for someone very new in recovery, perhaps it is quite the achievement.  Over a period of time, I have…

Thanks for the invite to write here, Second Road family.  Of course, I’ve been visiting for awhile, as well as knowing many of the voices here from your blogs. This is quite a repository of knowledge and experience for all things addictive and for the hope of recovery.  My name is Lou, and I have been posting at SubduralFlow for a year about my 25 year old son’s heroin addiction.  His 10 years of alcohol and drug abuse have put him on the treadmill of active addiction, rehab, sober, relapse, jail…and do it all over again.

Of course, I was on the treadmill right behind…