“The tenant in Unit 1 has a drinking problem, so I didn’t take him seriously when he would call with complaints.”

Those were the very words spoken to me by my apartment manager on Monday morning.

I have lived in my apartment building for close to two months and the unit downstairs from me has been an ongoing problem. The man who lives in this unit has a few problems with sound control. Through my walls and floor, I can hear him carry on conversations. I can hear his stereo. Several times I have been awakened at 3 AM by his television…

Approximately 1 week ago I purchased internet service for my new apartment.

Over the last week, I have been on the phone 3 times with 4 different technical support wizards attempting to figure out why my internet service won’t work.

My last conversation lasted approximately 65 minutes on a cellphone that is rapidly running out of minutes before the new billing cycle on the 14th.

Technical Support Wizard Man who I secretly refer to as Sk8tr Boi based on his Spicoliesque demeanor and the faint aroma of marijuana that I could detect through the phone lines, kept me on the phone the longest and was the least helpful. …

In the process of my personal life drama it was suggested to me that I might be incapable of feeling strong emotion and attachment.  I have been accused of being cold and detached and various other character evaluations.  Considering that I was referred to as overly emotional and needy for the better part of my young adult life, I found these observations to be puzzling. 

As a nearing forty, sober nearly 9 years, fairly even-tempered person, I can say without hesitation that I have grown exponentially in recovery.  Sobriety has taught me how to reign in my neediness and hold my…

I came out of hiding because there are some things in the blog world that simply can’t be ignored. Additionally, I welcome an opportunity to focus on something other than my own personal drama. My head has been ensconced within a bubble of transformational life stuff and quite frankly, I need an escape. Since none of you are buying (kidding!) I decided that a tribute post was in order.

Many in Blogland are familiar with Steve E. of Another Sober Alcoholic, TSR contributor, Master of the Blong, and all around good guy. My good buddy Gabriella Moonlight and I had the…

My last post here at The Second Road put me out on a ledge that, in reality, didn’t last all that long. I appreciate all the kind comments that have come my way as a result of a post that was written in what could only be described as one of my darkest hours. The last three months have seen a progression of emotions coursing through my being that at times have been impossible to deal with.

In a few weeks I will be separating from my husband after 8 years of marriage. While the misery with our situation is shared…

My marriage may be falling apart.

I want a cigarette right now.

My husband is just as miserable as I am.

A vodka tonic with two limes sounds good.

This has been going on for years.

I could score an eight ball just 20 yards from my house.

I can’t eat and I can’t stop crying.

My husband has a prescription for Hydrocodone in his briefcase.

I want the pain to go away.

To be continued….

June 10th of this year, my long deceased maternal grandfather would have been 100 years old. He was a gentle man with many talents, one of which was story telling. Most everyone in my extended family has a favorite memory of him sitting in his favorite deck chair with his pipe or cigarette, holding court with some odd tale extracted from his past. Like most of those on my mom’s side, he was funny in a way that couldn’t be bought. Hilarity was commonplace on that side of the family and I imagine, to those looking in from the outside,…

When I was a little girl, my four older brothers used to torment me for sport. Holding me down and dangling spit loogies over my face was a good one. Wrapping me up in blankets like a burrito and yanking me about the house was another one. The one I hated the most was 52 Card Pickup. They would take a neatly stacked deck of cards and toss them about in the air over my head and then have me pick them up once they were scattered across the floor. It never occurred to me to say no. They were…

Not much has changed since my last post. You know, the one where my vehicle of life came to a screeching halt at the bloody end of a dead-end road and I no longer recognized my life? Yeah. That post.

Some bright spots: I have found a therapist that specializes in the very thing that is ripping my life apart and I have found that people actually give a damn and want to be of service when you ask for help. Imagine that.

Time to get brutally honest: while I don’t want to blow my sobriety (8.5 years,) the thought of checking…

About two weeks ago I woke up and no longer recognized who I was. It’s as if I had been barreling down the highway at record speed, manning the vehicle of my life and juggling the balls of commitments high above my head only to find that the road I had been traveling on came to a complete and sudden dead end. Forced to step out of my metaphorical vehicle, it occurred to me that the road I have been traveling on and the life of details of which I juggled were somebody else’s life. Not mine. I have no…

As a mother to two school age children, I have come to realize a new challenge in sobriety: socialization offers from parents that center around booze. In the past few months I have been invited to several adult only activities by the parents of my children’s friends, only to find upon further questioning that the activity is centered around alcohol. I thought I had this socializing thing mastered. The work events that I have had to attend for either myself or my husband are few and far between, and most of the time they are family friendly events that don’t…

There are many days that I attempt to post blog entries, only to delete them entirely or archive the posts for a later day. The ultimate outcome is that the entry never gets published. I can’t tell you why this is. My best guess is that my mind is very fluid and I’m not one to get hung up on any one particular issue or topic for long. What might constitute a hot topic at 9:00 AM will more than likely get shelved for the next hot thing at 11:45 AM. God forbid I don’t finish that entry and 3:00 PM…

Ok. Call me crazy (you wouldn’t be the first,) but I may be the first person out here that has read the entire Twilight saga (movie too) and relates to it on a level much deeper than anything Stephenie Meyer could have imagined. I’m a sucker for pop culture and had to read the books the moment I heard of their popularity. Also, as a mother to two girls, I try to stay abreast of all things “now.” Mama likes to know what the kids are into these days. Which is more than I could say for my own parents 3o…

This morning I received a comment on an old post of mine over at Jilli Java & The Garden of Eden.  Who would have thought that reading one of my own posts would actually make me grateful?  I have been in a strange spot of late.  Let’s just say that I needed to be reminded of what it was like.

Old Realities By The Minute

There is a certain kind of fear that washes over me at times. A leftover, if you will, of the old days. I wasn’t a high functioning alcoholic, although I tried to make it look as if I was. I was never able to pull off stable employment or long term relationships. I never had close friends. All of it the result of my love affair with the bottle and my keen knack for being able to turn a good thing into a train wreck before noon on any given day.

Every semester that I attempted school, I would prep myself…

People know that I moved 2,600 miles across the country after I got married. What most people don’t realize is that a large motivator for that relocation was my fragile sober state and my utter fear of relapsing yet again. People also recognize me as an intensely private individual who doesn’t socialize much and has little contact with her family. What most don’t know is that I used to be very social and come from a large family that gathers several times a year for large family parties. I choose not to be present.

Kristin Then and Kristin Now are vastly…

I need to remember that the little things are not insignificant.  When I am in my head and ready to come unglued, it is the little things that will bring me back to right size.

That reading two books, and not just one, will make my daughter’s heart sing.

That bubbles in the bath are always better.

That my butter pecan cupcakes brought a smile to the faces of the good ol’ boys at Sunday night’s meeting.

That remembering details from our conversation six months ago makes you happy.

That giving away my three year medallion to my newly minted sobriety chum is significant in her eyes.

That…

I don’t remember having so many days off of school when I was a youth.

Then again, I don’t remember much of my youth.

Will they ever go back to school?

I had an 8:30 AM client at…

About a year ago my husband was transporting the kids to his mom and dad’s house about two hours from our home. He took my van on this trip and evidently didn’t remove the CD from the stereo because he called me laughing later that day to tell me that the kids had listened Bob Marley on the way up to Ohio. Apparently after finishing the CD, which finishes with a soul crushing Redemption song, they got out for a bathroom break and something to eat. As he took the kids into McDonalds, he leaned down to the then three…

Finding gratitude in the smallest ways:

That walking the dog in 12 degree weather with snow and ice will force me to slow down and enjoy my surroundings.

That looking more Nepalese Sherpa than urban housewife is perfectly OK while walking the dog in 12 degree weather.

That the arctic conditions pummeling our region makes me grateful for a warm home and hot food in the oven.

That I have a 12 setting table warmer for my massage table. My clients will be pleased.

That the weather is no longer a reason to call in “sick” so that I can stay home and drink all day.

For…

A recent article in the local paper spoke of our county’s soon-to-be launched drug court sometime in 2009. A mainstay in most major metropolitan areas, the drug court is a relatively new venture for this region of the country. Personally, I think it’s a great idea. Statistically speaking, drug courts have been proven to be effective. However, I am eager to see how well our bureaucratically crippled local government will be able to carry out this venture.  I have high hopes and will pray for a successful outcome.

But here’s what’s really on my mind:

I question whether our local recovery programs will be able…

I will go on record as saying that I don’t typically make resolutions at New Years.  I’m horrendous at sticking with anything when I feel that everyone is watching my progress.  No public proclamations of weight loss here, folks.  It’s just a set up for disappointment.  But there are some things that I would like to be more mindful of as I move into a new year.  I have devised a list of my personal pros and cons as a means of taking an inventory for my jumping off point.  The goal will be to shorten the con list by…

I had my first drink at the age of three.  My father would give me sips of his red wine from a tablespoon while I sat on his lap at the table after dinner.

I loved it.

I continued to drink over the years as I sipped from cold beers on the garage workbench as my much older brothers would work in the yard.

I loved it.

I kept on drinking as I sipped the odd drink or two that remained unattended at family gatherings and holiday parties.

I loved it.

I needed the drink as I snuck NyQuil from the cabinet at the age of…

I would like to thank The Second Road for letting me be of service.  I consider it an honor to be asked to contribute to this site.  I learned early on in recovery that I would need to go to any lengths to stay sober; and I consider sharing my history of alcoholism and recovery through this site a means of going to any lengths.  My life today is one that, at times, I do not recognize.  The person I have become through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is far removed from the person I once was.  I hope that by…