Hey Murph,

Boy - not bringing home a paycheck is beginning to get on my nerves a bit…ya know?  Here I am, a grown woman, not very far away from the time in her life when she should be thinking about retirement, and, instead, I have no health insurance, and no job.  Makes a girl think about buying a bottle of wine.  I could just sit on my back porch and enjoy a quiet evening all by myself sipping and smoking.  What would that first sip taste like?  Would it linger on my tongue, and soak all my taste buds with the solid…

Dear Murph,

It’s been a long time since I’ve written.  After my doggie died I was in a funk and didn’t do much of anything.  Then I got some kind of flu and was laid out for 2 days.  I’m feeling fine, but I’m in a kind of  no-man’s-land lately.  I have no income, have been looking for a job, have been trying to do some writing, but I feel like I’m just floundering.  Here I am, a grown adult who should be retiring in a few years, and I have no financial security in place to ease the burdens of…

Dear Murph,

I knew it was coming…..I knew it for a long time.  She’s been slowing down with a steady rhythm that always ends at the same place.  Even though she was a spitfire way beyond her years, the last couple of months have been a constant deterioration in her movement, her eating patterns and her interest in anything beyond the small comfort zone of her bedding.  She has been blind, yet her eyes constantly oozed a mucous goo that had to be treated several times a day with special drops.  She was on a regimen of five pills in the…

Hey Murph,

I just spent a wonderful afternoon celebrating my dear friend’s birthday.  A small group of women gathered at her home, in the middle of The Blue Ridge  Mountains - at 59 I was the youngest.  This was not your typical group of “mature women .”  One of them, previously an IBM Executive’s wife, now speaks to dragons, reads crystals, and follows many Native American practices and spirituality.  One of them is a reflexologist who always must consult “spirit” before she does anything, is completely organic,  is a walking encyclopedia on anything that comes from the earth, and a couple…

Hey Murph,

I spent this morning cleaning my boyfriend’s apartment as he is now in long term rehab.  I went there a couple weeks ago and got most of his belongings but today I had to do the dirty work….you know….cleaning the refrigerator, toilet, cabinets….you know……always save the best until last.  I was just a little resentful about having to scrub the toilet, not knowing who had done what in that area.  I found various objects that definitely did not belong to my boyfriend, but that comes with the territory of going through the wreckage of someone’s past.  People must have…

Dear Murph,

I’m back home in Virginia tonight.  My luggage, unfortunately, is not.  I assume it will arrive sometime…..who knows?  It could be sitting in Newark.  There’s not much I can do about that anyway, so I’m giving that one to you.  I’m also giving you the resentment of the day….disappointment.  I’m really letting that emotion rule my life lately.  I’m disappointed that my son kept something from me.  I’m disappointed that when I came home from Chicago, my house was a mess.  I’m disappointed that someone I love is in long term rehab because of his own choices and actions. …

Dear Murph,

Thanks so much for giving me this wonderful week with my family and friends and for allowing me to fill my soul with memories I had not thought about for a very long time.  Thanks for the healing that has taken place and for realizing, once again, the importance of family.

Today, Saturday, my brother, sister-in-law and I went to see my nephews and their families.  I had not seen them for many years and one of my nephews has 3 phenomenal children, age 15, 13 and 9.  Although I hadn’t seen them for almost 6 years, they greeted me…

Hey Murph,

Not so good at writing every day, huh?  But being back in my hometown of Chicago has been a very emotional experience this time around.  For so long I have put my youth on a shelf and don’t go there very often.  I spent a lot of years in therapy going through all that stuff and I’ve blocked out many years that I didn’t consider important to what was happening to my in the present moment (how zen of me!).  But coming back this time has really done a  number on me - a very good number.  I am…

Hey Big Guy,

The past two days in Chicago have been a constant ride on the “life is great” bus line and I don’t want to get off.  From the moment I arrived on Monday night to right now (Wednesday at 11:00pm) I have had some absolutely extraordinary experiences.  For the longest time I have put my youth in a drawer and making sure it stayed locked.  I had always figured that it was over and chose not to take the time to remember all the “good stuff” that happened to me growing up.  You know there was more than enough…

I finally made it to Chicago today.  Gonna spend a little time with friends and family and try to network and get some feedback on my manuscript.  The trip was uneventful - I read half of a novel and my old friend Mary and her fiance Ron picked me up at the airport.  It is now exactly midnight so I’m just getting under the wire for my letter today.

My boyfriend call me for the first time since he left for long term treatment.  He sounded healthy, hopeful, grateful for this opportunity to enter a long term rehab program where he…

Sorry I didn’t write yesterday - I was so exhausted when I finally finished doing “Saturday” things that I settled in my bed for a little while to watch The History Channel - that was the end of it for me.  So, here I am, on Sunday afternoon, making sure I write before the rest of the day gets away from me.

Murph, I can’t stop…..I can’t stop thinking, moving around, obsessing, eating junk food in the middle of the night, running here and there, doing all the “stuff” I’ve convinced myself has to be down right now.  I feel like…

Dear Murph,

I’m gonna get right to the point.  I’m leaving for Chicago on Monday (my hometown) to visit family and friends and to do some networking in the publishing arena.  I have an older sister who has not spoken to me for nearly 5 years, primarily due to the fact that I fell in love with someone who has a rough road trying to stay clean.  As you know, this disease puts us on the emotion roller coaster and gives us the ride of our lives.  Bottom line - my sister has refused to speak to me since this man…

Hey Old Buddy, Old Pal -

Once again it’s the end of the day and I this is the first moment I’ve had to actually sit down.  I was talking to a friend today at the clinic where I volunteer and he asked me if I thought time was moving at mock speed as we get older.  I had to agree.  I seems like just yesterday it was February - the weeks go by faster than I ever remember.  As a child, it used to be eons between one Christmas and the next and now it seems as if seasons change…

Hey Murph,

I can barely keep my eyes open, but as I promised, I’m writing you.  Today was another one of those “where is my brain?” days.  Too much to do…..didn’t get it all done, but I got to have lunch with an old friend who always lifts my spirits, and that was delightful.  I just found out that the office that we used to rent for TSR is being listed because we’ve not been able to pay the rent.  That was actually okay with me.  I’m not there much these days, and since I’ve been looking for a paying job,…

Dear Murph,

Well, here I am, as promised, so at least I’ve made it to day 2!   As you know, things have been quite shaky the last few days.  My boyfriend entered long term rehab in a moment of total surrender, so making  and instituting all the necessary decisions was nothing short of frenetic. But I had a funny feeling you may have had a little something to do with all the arrangements, because within 36 hours, the decision was made, the plane tickets were purchased and he was on his way.  I’ve heard that he is doing very well and…

Hey Murph,

I was just sitting here thinking about the first time we met.  Do you remember?  It was almost 7 years ago - doesn’t seem that long and somehow it seems like we’ve been best buddies forever.  I was sitting in a jail cell - had been there 9 months for all the crap that comes with active addiction.  Remember that little Black Woman who came to pray in tongues over anyone who wanted?  Remember how I walked up to the bars and she put her hands on my head through the steep pipes and the most beautiful clear sounds…

since I’ve written.  As some of you may know, financial hard times have hit The Second Road, along with the rest of the country and, as a result, we have not been able to pay any salaries or update the site for a while.  But I know that we will weather this storm along with everyone else and I have made a decision that I am going to be writing a daily blog to my HP (whom I call Murph) in this very space beginning immediately.  Life in recovery has made me more aware than ever how I am connected…

Whenever my grandpa got into a tizzy about something, my grandma used to say, “Patience is a virtue.  Possess it if you can.  It’s seldom in a woman, and never in a man.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Well, patience was the topic at the meeting I attended this evening.  There was a relative newcomer in the group and he was saying how he had just come off his pink cloud and wanted to get these steps over NOW.  He was just working on his 3rd step and was told to read the 3rd step chapter in the 12 and 12 every…

A lot of people don’t like changes.  They keep their living room furniture in the same pattern for years, never even thinking of moving a table, or, God forbid, a couch, to give the room a different feng shui.  Many people would never try foods that they can’t pronounce, nor would they ever think of vacation in a land that does not know what a McFlurry is.  I was raised in such a household, as were many of my peers in the 50’s and 60’s.  Our living room never changed, neither did our menu or our vacation destinations.  I was…

Twelve years ago I was rushing into a grocery store, trying to get a few things on my way to my next errand.  I, as usual, was moving at the speed of light, thinking about what I had to do next….when I saw her.  There she was, a big, black, furry dog with small deep set brown eyes and a face that reminded me of a black bear.  It only took one look, for both of us.  I knew.  She knew.  She was mine.  I was hers.  I brought her home to my little town house which already was home…

Well, once again it is snowing like @&$%# where I live and I am homebound.  It also looks like no one will be moving out of their abodes for several days, due to the “inclement weather” we are experiencing in the Mid-Atlantic.  Being hold up in my home with six dog and two cats makes for some interesting circumstances and it is a constant effort to keep the back deck shoveled so the dogs have somewhere they can walk and not get totally lost in the snow.  That cats, on the other hand, could care less - after all, they…

Yesterday it snowed all day.  It was as if there was a giant flour sifter in the heavens that just endlessly dusted layer upon layer of light, pure, dainty snow powder all over the land.  I stayed in the house, the grey sky telling me to be still, enjoy the quiet and just listen.  I did as I was told.  I spent most of the day in my bed, reading and just being quiet - letting the stillness speak.  This is what it said:

Our time in this place is temporary.  We do not know when we will leave, nor do…

I went to see “Avatar” last night.  I originally hadn’t planned on going, but heard amazing things about how beautiful the movie was and that the message was profound.  I know absolutely nothing  about all the technical voo-doo that went into making this  $300,000 million dollar movie, but I do know that it has left an imprint in my heart.

The movie takes place in the 21st century and tells the story of a mission by U.S. Armed Forces to mine an indispensable mineral that is plentiful on a moon called Pandora, somewhere out in the universe.  The inhabitants of Pandora,…

Reviewed by Ginger B.

“A Piece of Cake” is a memoir written by San Francisco attorney, Cupcake Brown, in which she painstakingly chronicles her life beginning at age 11, when her mother suddenly dies, through the hell of the next 15 or so years,  and eventually to the awakening she finds in recovery.

The reader is immediately plunged into the violent, malicious, sexual world in which Cupcake will live, with a description of Cupcake’s first foster home - a place where she is repeatedly raped, physically assaulted and verbally and emotionally abused by Diane, and her daughter and nephew.  She runs away…

of being sick and tired.  This time I mean it literally.  I am, once again, velcroed to my bed, and have been for the last several days.  Flu?  Funk?  Stuff?  It boils down to headache, sore throat, nausea and absolutely debilitating weakness.  This pattern has been a natural part of my life for the past several years, especially prominent in the winter months.  I feel absolutely perfect…go to work, the gym, my other classes and everything is fine and then SLAM!!!!! The symptoms appear and I’m in bed….sometimes for 18 hours, sometimes for a day or two.  This time it’s…

written by b.e.

I felt moved and compelled to respond to the Road Warrior’s wonderful and very true Jan. 19, 2010 blog “Lighten UP!” Soon, I ran out of room in the comment section (I’m a wanna be blogger). Tonight, I’m tired like many other people with many reasons. It’s been a long day of urgently working on Health Care reform, keeping up to date on my personal connections in Haiti, and helping with funding for immediate rebuilding following this critical time of disaster relief. During difficult times, I and others often dismiss personal struggles with remarks like, “Quit whining. Look…

I used to think that being an addict/alcoholic was kind of unique.  After all, we don’t make up the majority of the population, at least I don’t think we do.  And we have a disease,  so we have our own little  suggested practices to deal with our method of keeping that disease in check and continue healing.  And that is still true as I write these words.  But the older I get, the longer I live among the other earthlings on this planet and the more I interact with individual members of the species, the closer I come to realizing…

Yesterday it was cold and rainy where I live.  I woke up at about 7:00 and immediately my dogs went into hyper mode…..there is no such thing as gently greeting the dawn in my house.  So I popped out of bed, let everyone outside, administered various contents of the 47 bottles of medicine that my canines ingest on a semi-daily basis, fed them all (which is no small feat I must admit - trying to put 6 dog bowls down in some kind of order so everyone won’t attack dog bowl #1 at the same time).  During this time I…

I just got back from a meeting where I picked up a 3 year medallion.  Three years can go by in an instant.  Three years can also move like molasses dripping from a Maple Tree in the dead of winter.  I’ve experience both these extreme during the past 1095 days (who’s counting?).   Some of the time I was on top of the world…secure, steadfast, confidant.  Some of the time I was under the covers (literally), a place that I have often substituted for the numbness that the ingestion of chemicals used to give me.  Some of the time I’ve been…

It was so much easier in the old days when I could pop a handful of pills and/or guzzle a bottle of Vodka and numb my way into that zone of least resistance.  Although the re-entry process back into life was always accompanied  with shame, guilt and often a major reversal of my peristaltic system of digestion, I conveniently forgot all that discomfort the next day when I went through the act of destroying my brain cells and bodily organs, and wreaking havoc on every other part of my life.

Now I have to face the disappointments, the sadness, the joys, …