It’s getting cold at night here in Maine.  It’s felt cold for many reasons–dealing with the kid and the partner dealing with me dealing with her daughter. The ground was frozen last night. Today was warmer so I mowed the lawn. Didn’t think that would happen again until Spring, when we have a new President, but I noticed a chance to make the 15 ft. Peace sign more visible.

The landlord came by as I was cleaning off the blades on his electric mower. We trade property management for reduced rent. I was happy he caught me being productive. And he…

I’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through a lot. There is a lot more ahead of us.

“The deeper sorrow carves into our heart, the more joy it can contain.”

My mother’s pain and suffering has always bothered me. Obviously, because she is suffering and I wish she was not. But also, many years ago, she resigned herself to an perverse kind of intimacy with pain–it seemingly is the only place she dwells. Her reality is defined by it now, as she struggles with cancer and fibromyalgia.

In fact, I think the constant barrage of her complaints influenced the fact that I…

Life at the new homestead has been challenging recently. The kid has told me repeatedly since I’ve been here that she hates me, but tensions escalated the other night.  Hopefully that will be as bad as it gets.  Hatred is a word easy for kids to throw around, so I’ve been taking it in stride.

I’ve been called an idiot a bunch of times and often a normal run of the mill days escalates into a hysterical, unexpected conflict. We began to pinpoint the anger and misbehavior. Every time she comes home from stays with her father, she is a different…

photo found at Epicly Later’d

Recently, news of a new social drinking game fancied by our Canadian neighbors has been hitting the wires.  This news is sparking concern of binge drinking at just the time that the Amethyst Initiative here in America is inciting debate over lowering the drinking age–specifically because of binge drinking.

This new drinking game awards “wizard status” to anyone who consumes enough cans of beer to exceed their height. The rules are simple. Every beer that is consumed is taped to the one before it. Eventually the beer cans stack up and form a walking stick, which is…

Today I had some work I wanted to avoid, so I opted to use the time completing a chore–one that had been put off for awhile now. Nice cycle, huh?
But, it was the perfect temperature out to mow the lawn, so I did. I mowed a pretty Peace sign right into the lawn; my neighbors gawking skeptically. See, I’m new around here. But you know what–it’s my lawn and it’s a damn good way to showcase my beliefs.

I realized that was probably the last time I’ll mow the lawn until May, because I live in Maine. Then I realized that…

Five years ago there were days I wouldn’t leave my house except to walk the dog.  I don’t mean every once in awhile, either. Like, oh, it’s rainy, I want to stay inside and bury under the comforter, leaving just enough of a peep hole to watch movies all.day.long.
Or– I’m too exhausted to go buy groceries, I’ll just order in a pizza or fix up a condiment salad.

No, I had a problem. I had become a recluse; going from an extroverted lover of people into a disheveled junkie mess.

So almost everyday now I wake up and give thanks that I…

Yesterday a forum post went up that caught my attention and provoked a flurry of thoughts and feelings. Please read with me past the page break.
WHEN DO YOU GIVE UP?

Have you ever just “had enough” of trying to get someone into sobriety? What is your limit? When do you say, “No more. I am not doing any more.” How long does your “5 minutes before the miracle happens” last? When do you get mad and say, “Hell, I did it! Now YOU do it!” I’m there right now and could use some input.

My quick response was;

God, I’ve lost a lot of friends.…

Our family adopted a dog last night, who came with the name Sammy. We decided to call her Sammy Smith, an apt explorers name to compliment our other dog’s name, Marco Polo.

Sammy is an adorable mutt, a unique little hybrid between dachsund and mini pinscher with a painted face. The family here consists of me, my partner and a nine year old that I’m gonna call Lil C.  After some discussion we had decided that Marco could benefit from a canine sidekick, and that we could all handle the added responsibility.

Well, Sammy is gone already. So much for being great…

On this path to recovery, I’ve found myself a much more deliberate person. A good amount of people who’ve known me throughout the era’s have appreciated the change. I appreciate my own new found introspection as well, because my relationships are going a lot more smoothly. Not to mention how rewarding it is to sincerely care about other people, myself, and the fate of our world.

Not too long ago the Dalai Lama offered four days of teachings in Madison, WI. It felt like a blessing that my travels through Madison coincided with his visit-so I went. Of course I went.…

I filled in my member page just last night and thanks to the sobriety counter, realized I have 1507 days sober. The official date is July 7, 2004. I hazily remember that particular July 4th merging into the 7th, with no sleep in between.

This year, thankfully, I remember everything about July 7th and even the days proceeding it. I had a beer to celebrate, as my own path to recovery allows for alcohol. I never had a problem with alcohol, so I haven’t seen the need to eliminate it from my life.

My clean date from crystal meth went by relatively…

Just today I truly understood that I have will power again. Maybe now more than ever because I learned a respect for life when I kicked my addiction.

It happened today, with logging trucks barreling down on me and raging maniacs flicking me off while my scooter plugged along spilling oil on the back tire.

I have forgiven myself for having no willpower while in the height of my decadent addiction and depths of dependency. Most addicts in the 12 step process embrace the mantra, “we admitted we were powerless…”

Well, this girl’s recovery has been done alone, by utilizing meditation, yoga, and…