To Whine or To Wine?
May 28, 10- (by road warrior)
- 6 responses
- Humble Road Warrior, Mind, Body, Spirit, Sober Salon
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Hey Murph,
Boy - not bringing home a paycheck is beginning to get on my nerves a bit…ya know? Here I am, a grown woman, not very far away from the time in her life when she should be thinking about retirement, and, instead, I have no health insurance, and no job. Makes a girl think about buying a bottle of wine. I could just sit on my back porch and enjoy a quiet evening all by myself sipping and smoking. What would that first sip taste like? Would it linger on my tongue, and soak all my taste buds with the solid force of a nice Merlot, or would my mouth giggle with the tingle of a Pinot Grigio? Maybe a beer would be better. Yeah - the no nonsense, in your face splash of a Heineken. Instead I sit here with a generic bottle of diet tonic (6 litre bottles for $3.00) and take swigs right out of the bottle.
I went to a meeting tonight. I hadn’t been in over a week - a pattern that I have developed over the last month or two. Let me say that it is not serving me well. Consider the following equation: being unemployed + accruing bills that have to be paid + interviewing for jobs that I am overqualified for and not getting them and divide by random attendance here and there at an occasional meeting and what do you have? I’ll tell you what you have…..a recipe for disaster. When I went to the meeting tonight there were only 5 other people, so it was very informal. I told them that I was there to whine. Two of the people there said that there used to be a meeting in town where the home group members always carried pacifiers and if anyone whined, they would throw them at the whiner. Actually, the people were very responsive and every one of them knew exactly how I was feeling. I didn’t want a cure or any advice and they knew it. They shared their experience with the same feelings in their lives and we ended up laughing…..a lot. I felt lighter when I left the place. I always feel lighter when I leave a meeting. That’s why I usually attend 3 to 5 meeting a week - that is, until lately.
With my usual routine of work, exercise and meetings being changed because of lack of a job, I’ve found that I haven’t had the discipline of organizing my day into a productive set of priorities. I’ve been staying up later and later, and as a result, I’m getting up later and later. This is not a good thing for someone who needs to be productive at finding gainful employment. Last Saturday I decided to re-do my living room and dining room. After all, a gallon of paint is $25.00 and the change would do me good. I have gotten in WAY over my head and today I tried to strip off wallpaper that had probably been there since the beginning of time. Now I have to rent a steamer to try and get the damn goo off that the paper left behind. My $50.00 project is growing and I’m spending money that I had not planned on.
Life is not going the way I planned it. You wouldn’t by any chance have anything to do with this change in direction, would you, Murph? Is there gonna be some big learning experience from all this change? Knowing you, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. That’s one of the reasons I love you.
Till Next Time -
Your Humble Road Warrior
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OK you, at this time I’m officially not going coddle your sorry ass and tell you it’s OK to whine you, big cry baby. I’ve been posting comments and sending emails and you ignore me and run off to Johnny come lately’s who have a hard time staying sober, all the while obsessing over it and talking about it until they get drunk. You’re still thinking about a bottle of wine?? Like that will help..your thinking’s fucked up?? oh no, I used the F word. BFD what’s wrong with this picture?? I’ve been sober 17 years and I can take or leave the program and I’m so happy I could sh–!! I’ve been to two meetings year and went for 4 years with no AA. I’m having the time of my life. So, who you gonna call??? Ginger, you ignorant slut!!! lol, who is the funniest person you ever met?? this is not a multiple choice question. I rest my case. so, will you hang out with or call or email me and maybe I can give you some good advice or just friendship and my sterling company? we could talk shop and catch up. or continue on the path your following?? careful what you ask for, you might get it. we shape our own destinies more than you realize until you try to help yourself and let God work his magic as well. They seem to go together. Negative thoughts yield negative consequences and vice versa. I’m finding lately that what I sow truly does come back seven times seven. so dear, you must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss but old friends are forever and the best ones. Dr. Dempsey is available for you 24/7 free of charge, lay psychiatry a specialty..it’s been 8 years since we met. I sure as hell have changed. quite a bit since we last saw each other. Thank God for my change for the better. what about you?? you seem to be going backwards and you are. wake up dear, we are the master of our ship far more than you think. God has ultimate authority and veto power, and is the true rudder, but we can control a lot of the details. Your management seems to be in disarray. get a grip on yourself before you make it worse. Danger anger, warning warning Will Robinson. I could care less what anybody reading this thinks, like it’s going to make any difference to me. Zero!! a private joke with my friend, TC. I care about you..
Love,
Me
Ginger, Mr/Dr Dempsey wrote about all that is GooooD! So I guess I can be BAD! OK? Each time we have talked–I called YOU…when I am on my “pot”. You must understood that this AA biz is mutual. Unless your phone has no number keys, our Govt has not yet stated that YOU cannot call ME sometime, dammmmmit!
Makes me think I should bypass Charlottesville VA on my “Ride for Freedom” this August-September. I certainly would not choose to go where there is no welcome sign. (See how BAD I really can get? –grin! WTF, I’m going to call you ANYWAY. Like Dr Dempsey, I am to the point where I care no longer what Peeps think–OR my friends (well, maybe!) OR the church, OR , OR, OR….
Still love ya, peep,
Steve (today–the other ME!)
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the longer you are out of work, the worse your self-esteem suffers and thus the phrase a snowballs chance in hell comes to mind. What you have to do is get a little creative. You appear to be a talented writer and there are Internet opportunities out there. You are also probably overqualified for many of the jobs you are getting turned down for which is another kick in the gut for the ego. Another piece to add to the misery puzzle is that as a recovering addict you most likely have a history that also hinders your hiring potential. Again, a little creativity goes a long way. Don’t despair. Find new stuff to feel good about other than the old stuff like being a great drunk. Focused effort will make miracles happen. Just one last word of wisdom, if your still standing upright it is not too late for anything.
Hi Jinx: It’s been a long time since we’ve communicated. If you recall, we had similar relationship situations, similar backgrounds and a similar passion for shoes (!). Like you, I too have been out of work for a while now. What a blow to the ego - I thought only men got their identities from what they do for a living. My significant other is not in rehab like yours - but he is totally clean and a joy to know since he’s back in jail and headed to prison. Alas, this is the guy I love - the clean one who isn’t ever with me. I hope James is successful this time, and that comes from the heart! Your blog is almost too overwhelming for me to read, I’m skipping around, reading in small doses. You’re breaking my heart, you know. Email if you want, I’m a good ear. Truthfully, I think of you often, you are the closest thing I’ve ever had to a psychic twin… : ) - Karen
Being out of work hurts, but work isnt who you are as a person. The bottom line is get creative and use what you have (your prior work experience) to create your own reality. By this I mean take what you know and get a service going that businesses can use then start selling it. As far as drinking, dont. It’s the bottom line. I pulling for you.
Things will get better!