Hey Murph,

I spent this morning cleaning my boyfriend’s apartment as he is now in long term rehab.  I went there a couple weeks ago and got most of his belongings but today I had to do the dirty work….you know….cleaning the refrigerator, toilet, cabinets….you know……always save the best until last.  I was just a little resentful about having to scrub the toilet, not knowing who had done what in that area.  I found various objects that definitely did not belong to my boyfriend, but that comes with the territory of going through the wreckage of someone’s past.  People must have…

Dear Murph,

I’m back home in Virginia tonight.  My luggage, unfortunately, is not.  I assume it will arrive sometime…..who knows?  It could be sitting in Newark.  There’s not much I can do about that anyway, so I’m giving that one to you.  I’m also giving you the resentment of the day….disappointment.  I’m really letting that emotion rule my life lately.  I’m disappointed that my son kept something from me.  I’m disappointed that when I came home from Chicago, my house was a mess.  I’m disappointed that someone I love is in long term rehab because of his own choices and actions. …

Dear Murph,

Thanks so much for giving me this wonderful week with my family and friends and for allowing me to fill my soul with memories I had not thought about for a very long time.  Thanks for the healing that has taken place and for realizing, once again, the importance of family.

Today, Saturday, my brother, sister-in-law and I went to see my nephews and their families.  I had not seen them for many years and one of my nephews has 3 phenomenal children, age 15, 13 and 9.  Although I hadn’t seen them for almost 6 years, they greeted me…

Hey Murph,

Not so good at writing every day, huh?  But being back in my hometown of Chicago has been a very emotional experience this time around.  For so long I have put my youth on a shelf and don’t go there very often.  I spent a lot of years in therapy going through all that stuff and I’ve blocked out many years that I didn’t consider important to what was happening to my in the present moment (how zen of me!).  But coming back this time has really done a  number on me - a very good number.  I am…

Hey Big Guy,

The past two days in Chicago have been a constant ride on the “life is great” bus line and I don’t want to get off.  From the moment I arrived on Monday night to right now (Wednesday at 11:00pm) I have had some absolutely extraordinary experiences.  For the longest time I have put my youth in a drawer and making sure it stayed locked.  I had always figured that it was over and chose not to take the time to remember all the “good stuff” that happened to me growing up.  You know there was more than enough…

I finally made it to Chicago today.  Gonna spend a little time with friends and family and try to network and get some feedback on my manuscript.  The trip was uneventful - I read half of a novel and my old friend Mary and her fiance Ron picked me up at the airport.  It is now exactly midnight so I’m just getting under the wire for my letter today.

My boyfriend call me for the first time since he left for long term treatment.  He sounded healthy, hopeful, grateful for this opportunity to enter a long term rehab program where he…

This blog needs to be about sex. But, like my life, it has constantly been sidetracked by my addiction.

I live with an emotional abuse and incest survivor. This fact colors every single day of my life. It taints and poisons the most basic and honest of my human impulses – love, affection, intimacy. I need to be growing in patience and love for my wife, learning how to meet her needs and open her heart. I need to be nurturing a place where she can redefine sensuality, in her own time, with someone who loves and cherishes her. This can’t…

Sorry I didn’t write yesterday - I was so exhausted when I finally finished doing “Saturday” things that I settled in my bed for a little while to watch The History Channel - that was the end of it for me.  So, here I am, on Sunday afternoon, making sure I write before the rest of the day gets away from me.

Murph, I can’t stop…..I can’t stop thinking, moving around, obsessing, eating junk food in the middle of the night, running here and there, doing all the “stuff” I’ve convinced myself has to be down right now.  I feel like…

Dear Murph,

I’m gonna get right to the point.  I’m leaving for Chicago on Monday (my hometown) to visit family and friends and to do some networking in the publishing arena.  I have an older sister who has not spoken to me for nearly 5 years, primarily due to the fact that I fell in love with someone who has a rough road trying to stay clean.  As you know, this disease puts us on the emotion roller coaster and gives us the ride of our lives.  Bottom line - my sister has refused to speak to me since this man…

Hey Old Buddy, Old Pal -

Once again it’s the end of the day and I this is the first moment I’ve had to actually sit down.  I was talking to a friend today at the clinic where I volunteer and he asked me if I thought time was moving at mock speed as we get older.  I had to agree.  I seems like just yesterday it was February - the weeks go by faster than I ever remember.  As a child, it used to be eons between one Christmas and the next and now it seems as if seasons change…

Hey Murph,

I can barely keep my eyes open, but as I promised, I’m writing you.  Today was another one of those “where is my brain?” days.  Too much to do…..didn’t get it all done, but I got to have lunch with an old friend who always lifts my spirits, and that was delightful.  I just found out that the office that we used to rent for TSR is being listed because we’ve not been able to pay the rent.  That was actually okay with me.  I’m not there much these days, and since I’ve been looking for a paying job,…

Dear Murph,

Well, here I am, as promised, so at least I’ve made it to day 2!   As you know, things have been quite shaky the last few days.  My boyfriend entered long term rehab in a moment of total surrender, so making  and instituting all the necessary decisions was nothing short of frenetic. But I had a funny feeling you may have had a little something to do with all the arrangements, because within 36 hours, the decision was made, the plane tickets were purchased and he was on his way.  I’ve heard that he is doing very well and…

Hey Murph,

I was just sitting here thinking about the first time we met.  Do you remember?  It was almost 7 years ago - doesn’t seem that long and somehow it seems like we’ve been best buddies forever.  I was sitting in a jail cell - had been there 9 months for all the crap that comes with active addiction.  Remember that little Black Woman who came to pray in tongues over anyone who wanted?  Remember how I walked up to the bars and she put her hands on my head through the steep pipes and the most beautiful clear sounds…

They’re cleaning out my grandparents’ house – the rooms are full of boxes and the walls are bare. Grandma’s a collector, of things beautiful or sentimental or remotely useful, so there’s a lot to go through. The depression generation, or “The Greatest Generation”, according to Grandpa and Tom Brokaw, tends to save things that I would throw away. But they can only fit so much into their new “home”, an assisted living rental, so most of their stuff has to go.

Mom found a flower pot I made for Grandma in the fifth grade. Money was tight that year, so we…

since I’ve written.  As some of you may know, financial hard times have hit The Second Road, along with the rest of the country and, as a result, we have not been able to pay any salaries or update the site for a while.  But I know that we will weather this storm along with everyone else and I have made a decision that I am going to be writing a daily blog to my HP (whom I call Murph) in this very space beginning immediately.  Life in recovery has made me more aware than ever how I am connected…