Whenever my grandpa got into a tizzy about something, my grandma used to say, “Patience is a virtue.  Possess it if you can.  It’s seldom in a woman, and never in a man.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Well, patience was the topic at the meeting I attended this evening.  There was a relative newcomer in the group and he was saying how he had just come off his pink cloud and wanted to get these steps over NOW.  He was just working on his 3rd step and was told to read the 3rd step chapter in the 12 and 12 every day for a month.  He had missed several days and was starting all over.  He he was scared to death of Step 4, and wanted to stay at Step 3 as long as possible, so he wouldn’t have to get to the scary stuff.  But at the same time, he wanted what other people had, and he wanted it today……

We want what we want when we want it.  That’s one of the defining symptoms of our disease.  My disease would rather have me take a handfuls of cake mix out of the mixing bowl, rather than waiting for the cake to be baked and gorge myself on a gigundo piece of the finished product.  I had four boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my kitchen.  The other night I woke up for my usual 2:00 am feeding and went downstairs, opened up a box of those caramel delights, brought the entire bag up to my bedroom and, in the dark, proceeded to eat every one of those delightfully caramel cookies.  Two would not do, and fifteen were not enough.

I have had it in my mind lately that I need (want?) a new bed.  The one I have is 25 years old, but it is still very, very comfortable.  But I WANTED a big, high, deep new bed that I had to almost get a step stool to crawl into and it obsessed me until I finally went out and bought one.  It doesn’t feel any different from my old bed, except that in about 10 years, I’m going to have a hell of a time climbing up into the damn thing!

I have been very ill-tempered lately and I’ve realized that it is because I have no patience for the minutiae in my life - the endless trips to the vet, the constant chauffeuring of people who do not have vehicles, the errands I run for those who are housebound and the things that I commit to that I instantly regret.  Yesterday I lost it.  I spent the whole day doing things that needed to be done, and finally had a racquetball game that I was really looking forward to.  I played with a woman who was 71 years old and she beat me to a pulp!  For the rest of the day, I made sure I told everyone of my horrible, horrible day.

When this kid brought up the topic of patience tonight, I realized that my patience level was directly proportional to my gratitude index.  When I took the animals to the vet, they were all brought home and their conditions were manageable and I had the funds to pay the bill. When I drove people around, it was I who had the vehicle and the money for the gas and the luxury of a license. And when I ran to the grocery store for a friend, I forgot to be grateful that I was not the one home with two broken bones in my leg from slipping on the ice.  And when I played racquetball, I was playing someone who had 40 years of the game under her belt.  I got a tremendous amount of exercise and learned much from her.

Patience is indeed a virtue.  To possess it, take a minute a remember the things you are grateful for.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior