Checking Out.
Feb 2, 10- (by JunkysWife)
- 6 responses
- Sober Salon
Email This Post
Addiction has given me such an interesting bag of fears.
Our roommate recently purchased an XBOX 360. He and my husband play and play and play, all day. Here are the things that I fear around the XBOX 360:
I am afraid my husband will pawn it for drugs. We have few fancy electronics left, and I keep the ones that I have under my guard at all times. No matter how well my husband is doing, I am always wary of expensive electronics left unattended. He has paid for lots of heroin with other people’s electronics, and it feels pornographic to see fancy, electrically alive things sitting around, waiting to tempt him into a relapse.
I am afraid of the way my husband checks out when he is playing video games. I find it upsetting whenever he is mentally or emotionally absent, as it’s similar to when he checks out to addicted fantasy land, or when he checks out because he’s nodded off from being too high. I am afraid of the way he looks when he’s playing with their new toy, and I’m afraid of the way he doesn’t seem to be able to hear me talk to him while he’s playing.
I am afraid of how testy he is around the video game. If he’s playing and has to stop, it makes him incredibly grumpy and nasty. I hate watching him get wrenched out of that checked out state…it’s like seeing a worm squirming after you lift a rock off of it.
Mostly, I know these things are not my business, and I know that as long as I’m trusting in my Higher Power to take care of me, I’ll be fine. I know that it’s normal to have these kinds of aftershocks from the trauma of addiction, and that I should go easy on myself in the meantime.
Related articles:
Stumble it! 
Delicious Facebook
Respond now.
Previous post: « Different Strokes
Next post: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE COMMENTS »
Strictly MY opinions here:
“I know these things are not my business…” WRONG!
“Higher Power to take care of me, I’ll be fine…” RIGHT!
“..it’s normal to have these kinds of aftershocks from the trauma of addiction..” WORNG! NOTHING is normal about addiction, especially “addiction trauma behavior”. Oh wait…ONE thing IS normal–for the addict to RETURN to the drugs, alcohol, or other addicitve behaviors
Please do not be offended. It would be normal for me to drink, because THAT’S what alcoholics DO. Ya know, birds FLY, that’s normal for them! Please continue trusting your Higher Power, and please try not to see hubby’s behaviors as you describe them, as “normal” in any sense. I write this comment from my heart, with LOVE.
One more thing: My addiction (compulsion, obsession) to drugs and booze allowed me to NOT suffer. the suffering ones were “you”, the wife, my family, the friends, my so-workers, the working public who had to pay for my incarcerations, my treatments, my rehabs, etc.
Sorry for the double-dip. May I hear from you? I have a post around here somewhere with zero comments! Lay one on me, but please try to be nicer than I–grin! And thank you GREATLY for writing and sharing your deepest thoughts here!
I disagree with Steve, but its okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions.
For me, I know that the thoughts that you are sharing…the fears and uncertainty, were normal. Normal in dealing with an addict.
As far as the video game goes, I remember being in the fourth grade and getting so mad when I had to stop my Mario Bros. in the middle of a zone. It reminds me, as I read, as how I would feel if I had to get up in the middle of a movie I was thoroughly enjoying, or put down a book that I am loving.
Do go easy on yourself, that is important.
My sister worries about her husband and the video games too; but he has been hooked on those for far longer than he has been hooked on drugs. He has been sober for several years now, but he hasn’t given up the video games so maybe one doesn’t have to go with the other.
Sorry guys–maybe wrongly, but I was zeroing in on husband selling the roommate’s X-Box, for heroin, or other mind-enhancing stuff…not the actual “playing” of the games. Hell we gotta have SOMEthing we love to do, and be obsessed with.
Those who know me, realize an X-Box would not be my choice!!! –grin!
Fearing heroine addiction and the behaviors that accompany it, such as hawking your possessions, can be healthy. Ignoring the fact that recovery is an ongoing process is not wise. The reality of the situation is that being involved with an addict means staying vigilant and recognizing the pitfalls that can cause addicts stumble back into relapse. Thank you for your honesty and sharing the fears that I am sure many others will relate to.