Hey - It Really Was a Bad Idea!
Dec 28, 09- (by JunkysWife)
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- Sober Salon
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I had a memory a few nights ago. I was making some hot chocolate for my husband and me, and I had gotten some of that whipped cream in the squirt can to go on top. As I made a pretty whipped cream mountain on top of his mug, I remembered an incident from back in college.
I was with an ex-boyfriend, and we were riding around in my car. I’d begun to get these stirrings. I’d kind of been thinking that the way I was living didn’t make sense. I was kind of tired of all the drugs, drinking, and chaos. I kind of wanted to be a grown up. I wanted to watch some television at the end of the evening and eat a good dinner and go to bed early. I wasn’t yet ready to put this radical new plan into practice, but I thought of it, and I’d begun to express these whims to my boyfriend.
That night, though, he thought it would be absolutely hilarious if we went to the grocery store, bought some cans of whipped cream, and inhaled the fumes while driving around. For those of you who have never experienced this most juvenile, most outrageous intoxication, it packs quite the punch. I told my boyfriend that I thought it was a stupid fucking idea. He didn’t have a license, and I didn’t want to lose mine or wreck my car.
He didn’t like my reaction to his plan. He told me I was a stupid fucking bitch. Our fight escalated, and I think at some point I hit him. He screamed at me. We were awful.
I had no resources to handle such a situation. I behaved badly, and I imagine that I probably begged him to forgive me for being such a stupid fucking bitch pretty soon after the incident.
As I finalized the curlicue on my husband’s hot chocolate, though, I realized something: It really was a stupid fucking idea. It was smart of me not to want to let my alcoholic boyfriend drive around in my car zoinked out of his gourd on inhalants. While I handled it pretty gracelessly, it was a mild move toward sanity…and I was right!
I’ve let my sense of reality get so distorted by riding along with addicts swept up in their fantasy lives. There was some validation at finding another moment in my past when I had a flash of clarity, long before recovery.
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Good story–true and well-told.
I have a “muriatic acid”-sniffing story to tell one day. Maybe THAT’S what’s wrong with me???–grin!
Thanks for continuing to blog here, Junky’s Wife. Glad you found out which part of the whipping cream can is which…
PEACE!