Can I Tell You Something?
Dec 17, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- 3 responses
- Sober Salon
Email This Post
I’ve always thought that I wanted to know the truth. When my husband slips, I’ve always believed that it would be better if he would reveal to me what happened. Sometimes, though, when I get the truth, I think I could have fared better without it.
A few days ago, my husband confessed to having money months ago that he spent on pain pills. He’d done some work and not told me about it, and he’d spent the money on drugs. I knew that he’d relapsed then, but I hadn’t known about the money. He felt like he needed to get it off his chest, so he told me about it.
The knowledge set me right back in the midst of that relapse. I thought of how much I’d struggled financially at that time. I had the same, dense feeling in my stomach of frustration and anger and sadness.
Things are going so well right now. That knot in my gut serves no purpose, but still, there it was, hurting like it was brand new.
I appreciate that my husband felt the urge to come clean with me. I know that he needs to come clean, to be held accountable, to be able to stay sober. I get it…I just sometimes wish there was another way.
It went well, though. He could tell I was upset, so he sat next to me, put his arms around me, and said a prayer that my heart would be comforted. I felt better…but I wonder if there isn’t a better way.
Related articles:
Stumble it! 
Delicious Facebook
Respond now.
Previous post: « Sorry, Scrooge - Not This Time
Next post: Less harmful than alcohol?!?! »
Thanks for the post. Yes, it is tough when we want honest and then when we get it we think it was just better not knowing. For me, I feel it is better to know to be able to deal with the news and move forward. Knowing that this is a baffling illness and trying to keep up with its twists and turns is impossible. Give yourself a break know you are doing the BEST that you can.
What do we do when they truth hits us long after it’s happened? I’m still finding that out. It’s so easy to tell others to leave the past behind, but it’s hard as hell to do it ourselves. Stay in today. That’s what I’m trying to do.
I’ll try to not be too blunt here, JW. There IS a better way. Your husband should be telling these things to his SPONSOR, instead of you.
He knows he can manipulate you. But he (well, ME, e.g.!!!) is afraid to tell his sponsor, a man, because there will be no sympathy there, only he will be told how it IS. He will be told the “hard truth”. And his sponsor would advise him whether to burden you with his “shit” or pass on that, and start working on a program to get well, and STAY well, and grow up.
I’ve been sober 35 years–yet have been going through a difficult situation (of my own making), so I asked for an emergency meeting with my sponsor (sober 30 years). We sat down to breakfast, and before we ordered, he asked me “OK Steve, are you READY to STOP being FOOLISH?” I said Yep…and he told me that if my answer had been NO, we would not have ordered breakfast. There would not be a point to continue, and there IS not for your husband either, IF he is not ready to STOP…and STAY stopped.
This is my opinion, not to hurt you, just to let you know my own recent (2 days ago) experience. God bless you….your husband………and me!