One thing most addicts have in common is a history of childhood abuse or neglect. According to research by sex addiction expert Patrick Carnes, 81% of sex addicts were sexually abused as children and 97% were physically and/or emotionally abused or neglected. But quote those statistics to some (especially those of us who have been badly hurt by addicts) and you’ll hear, “Big deal. I had a rough childhood too, but I didn’t get so drunk I missed my job interview or spend my child’s first birthday with a prostitute or shoot up in a rest stop bathroom instead of picking my spouse up at the airport.” Why do our experiences shape us all so differently?

It seems the answer is in our genes. A recent article in The Atlantic explains that research shows some people are born with genes that make them resilient and capable of thriving no matter what the conditions: like human dandelions. Others (addicts or those prone to depression) are born with genes that cause them to wilt without nurturing care: like delicate human orchids, perishing in the same conditions in which dandelions survive.

With a family history of both addiction and depression, I know that my children have a good chance of carrying genes that will make them susceptible to addiction and mental illness. And it is one of my greatest fears and challenges as a parent: trying to equip these potential little orchids with the tools to allow them to survive and thrive in a dandelion world. I know that by raising them in a loving, supportive environment rather than an abusive one, I’m already giving them a head start, but I also know that I don’t have control over everything in their lives. When they are out of my sight, however carefully I may screen babysitters or teachers, however much I trust friends and neighbors, there will always be the potential for abuse. (In fact, I’m probably one of the few moms in America who spends much more of my worry energy on our friendly neighbors or my kids’ friends than on the stranger at the park or on the Internet.)

However, the article has good news for little orchid kids (and for moms like me). New research suggests that, while orchids wilt in the face of abuse, they thrive with love, even more than dandelions do. A supportive early environment, like the one those of us in recovery are working to provide for our kids, may help inoculate them and give them a chance to survive and even thrive in adverse situations too.