Cash Rules Everything Around Me.
Dec 4, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- 4 responses
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
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I hate money. I hate, hate, hate it. I hate thinking about it. I hate dealing with it. I hate negotiating with other people about it. It is exhausting and sickening and tiring.
I just quit a job. It paid pretty well for a freelance gig, but the boss was really nasty. I’m not sure if it was a mistake or not. I’ve never quit a job before, at least not because I was unhappy or felt like I wasn’t being treated fairly. Usually, I just smile and pretend like it’s all going to be ok.
It’s a big step for me to quit this job. I’m trusting that God will provide for me. I’m trusting that I will be able to handle my money with wisdom. Trusting God and trusting myself are scary
Thinking about money gets me all dried up and crispy feeling…it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting because it’s the same thing, the same problems, the same mess, again and again. It’s a struggle I’ve had my entire adult life, and I’m not sure what the root of it is.
I know one area I’ve discovered in my fourth step inventories is that I am willing to settle for whatever I can get. I am so afraid that I won’t have enough that I’ll do whatever it takes to make little bits of money. I never say no to work, even when I’m overwhelmed and overloaded. It is fear - fear of failure, abandonment, and fear that I will be deprived of my rightful share. I do not want to live in fear. I want to rest in the knowledge that God will provide for me, and I’m praying for that kind of comfortable relationship with God as I’m frantically looking for another job to fill the gap.
I’ll go to sleep tonight with visions of a stuffed bank account, a stocked pantry, and a brand new pair of winter shoes.
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Don’t forget visions of a new iphone. Love you!!
I’m so glad you quit!
Have you heard of afformations? They are affirmations in question format. Instead of trying to believe something, your brain will try to answer the question. Google it, for some reason I feel the need to delurk and tell you about it.
Lately I’ve been working on turning my financial worries over to my HP, just like I do with other kinds of worries and problems.
Now I’m off to google afformations.