Hi God.
Nov 23, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- 5 responses
- Sober Salon
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It’s me.
I have been fighting with you a lot over the last few days. I don’t know why. I know who will win this fight. I’m glad you love me even when I pick fights with you.
I’m hurting, though, because there are needs I have that only you can meet, and I really don’t want you to be the one to meet those needs. I really, really want my husband to see me, hear me, and love me in the ways that only you can. I’m sorry I don’t want you, but I don’t. I want him.
I don’t know why. I know your love is unfailing, purifying, and redemptive. I know my husband’s love is human, tempestuous, and exhausting. I want him, though.
Please, help me with my desire. Help me to regain my focus on you, and only you. Help me to realize that if I look to you, first, in all things, my every need will be fulfilled. Help me to want you first. Change my mind and heart so that you are my comfort, my solace, and my first love. Help me to desire my husband as my partner and helper and fellow traveler on a journey toward you, instead of using you as a tool to help me cope with my relationship with him.
Amen.
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WOW! Now THAT’s a prayer.
Your prayer is a Step 11, “…praying only for knowledge of of His will for us, and the power to carry it out.”
It’s the kind of prayer which God has no choice but to answer in some manner. Maybe not the answer you expect, but answer He must. You sure know how to pin God down–grin!
I am not religious so I always struggle with prayer and the twelve steps. I also struggle with the concept of making it a choice between two external agents, either putting God first or putting the partner first. Sometimes, especially for codependents, it is hard to see that the focus needs to be inward, not outward. Love yourself first, not God.
thanks for the post. I agree with the others. What a wonderful prayer. I read in the big book a long time ago, “Thy will be done.” it was one of the most helpful parts to my long term success. Although my ego sometimes sneaks up and trys to take over, I remember those four words and it helps.
You are always able to capture my heart.
Thank-you