All’s Quiet.
Nov 22, 09- (by JunkysWife)
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- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
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It’s a little weird when things get too quiet. I wait, quietly, for the next, big blowup. Sometimes, I’ll even spontaneously combust. I’ve grown accustomed to action.
I had a fight with my husband last night, and then I had a fight with God. I was feeling neglected, tired, and worn out. My husband tried to comfort me, and I was all prickly, and finally, I pricked him just right. It was like a volcano.
I hope that one day we won’t need this volcano anymore. I am proud of him - he’s got a new job, new friends, and is doing really well. He’s treating me so much better, most of the time…and while it’s a long way from perfect, we’re working on it together. I no longer feel like I’m carrying the weight of our relationship on my back alone.
Sometimes, as things start to go well with us and I start to feel closer and more intimate, I feel safe enough to blow off some of my steam. If I begin to believe that I can trust him to be receptive to my feelings, I want to show him some of the ugly feelings. He’s not ready, and I know better than to go to the hardware store looking for bread. I want so much for him to be a witness to some of my hurt. I don’t know why. It seems very important, sometimes, and it seems silly at others.
I think something is missing for me in our marriage counseling, or maybe something is missing in my recovery or prayer life or something…there is some outlet that I can’t quite find, and I’m not sure what it looks like. I’m going to talk to our marriage counselor this week, and talk to my sponsor, and do some praying in the mean time. I’ll get it figured out.
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