Laughter
Oct 30, 09- (by Mama MPJ)
- 4 responses
- Sober Salon
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Creative Commons license, photo by snogglethorpe
“So at my meeting last night, I wanted to say that sex addicts are hot, but there were a few newcomers, and newcomers don’t think that’s so funny,” I told my husband Mark as we were getting ready for bed. Mark laughed. He knows my running joke; if I’m ever looking for a relationship again, I’m going to go to a 12 Step meeting for sex addicts: given my history of being attracted to addicts, at least that way I’ll end up with someone in recovery from the start.
“Why don’t they think it’s funny?” Mark asked.
“Do you remember what it was like those first few days? Those first few weeks? Those first few months? There wasn’t anything funny about anything.”
“No. True,” Mark says quietly, “not for either of us.”
“I remember this moment when we were probably a few weeks in. I was in bed, just waking up, and you kissed me goodbye as you were leaving for work. I smiled, and you started to cry; you said that was the first time you’d seen me smile in weeks. But even that wasn’t a genuine smile, it was a reflex born in a dream. I wasn’t really awake enough to have what we were going through all flood back into my consciousness yet. When I did wake up, everything was still blackness and horror. There was nothing to smile about.”
“Thanks a lot. This is a terrible bedtime story. I’m not going to be able to sleep now.”
“But it was traumatic,” I said, laughing in spite of myself. “It’s hard to hold that trauma in my mind now, because everything has gotten so much better.”
“I know what you mean. I’m so grateful to be out of that terrible place and able to laugh about it with you right now.”
“Me too. And you know, I’m totally going to pick up one of the guys in your group if you ever get out of line.”
“Well, we addicts are pretty sexy, you know. It’s hard to resist us. And I’m sure there must be someone in my group who could use a good codie…,” says Mark. And we dissolve into laughter again.
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I was just thinking the other day about how my process has been a lot like looking through a funnel. At first, my vision was so narrow that all I could see was the horrible sex addiction. But the longer I’m in recovery, the more that line of vision expands to put this scenario into perspective. And I’m hoping that one day, when I’ve been able to really integrate this experience into my life, I’ll be able to drop the funnel and not see everything through the lens of this trauma.
I struggle, though, with how to share where I am in the funnel with folks who are at different points in their perspective. I have to say, though, that even when I was at the narrowest point, I always enjoyed your humor. It was a reminder that there *is* a way out. In fact, I remember making my first sex addict joke in your company: “I told my husband that if he doesn’t get into recovery, I’m going to find myself a sex addict who will.”
You’ve come a long way, baby. What a great post, and so in line with what my husband and I talk about. For, while we met in recovery, we were both only a few months sober and certainly not the (mostly… ok, somewhat) health people we are today. Thanks for sharing
I want to think of something silly to say about you being in denial or something…but I’m too busy smiling.
I loved this post! I wanted to read something like this a few years ago when I was researching sex addiction and nothing seemed hopeful, or funny.