Smooth as Silk
Oct 27, 09- (by Mama MPJ)
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- Sober Salon
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Creative Commons License, photo by "geishaboy500"
Silk is a sexy fabric. It’s smooth and soft and falls in glistening ripples like waves. Years ago, shortly before I moved to another state to be with Mark, I sent him a pair of silk boxers as a gift, and he wrote me an erotic letter about them in return. When I arrived in my new home, he had lined our bed in silk. At my bridal shower, a friend gave me a silk nightie for my wedding night and I was married in a dress of silk. I told my husband Mark I want to be wrapped in silk when I die: a long ream of white silk as my last cocoon.
But silk wasn’t just for me, of course, silk was for the Victoria’s Secret models and fantasies and other women. Silk for our bodies, silk for our bed, silk as a symbol of sex and of marriage, of death, fantasy and infidelity. In recovery from sex addiction, silk can be beautiful or like other symbols of romance, silk can be a trigger.
Every year, Mark and I have celebrated our wedding anniversary by following the traditional gift giving guidelines: paper for the first anniversary, wood for the fifth, and so on. We always got a kick out of coming up with creative ways to give each other things made of leather or steel or aluminum. Shortly before our anniversary this year, Mark said, “I’d like to give a traditional gift this year, but it’s silk. I wanted to get you something to wear, but I associate that so much with silk lingerie out there that I just don’t think I can safely shop for you without being triggered.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “that kind of thing might be triggering for me too.”
“Are you going to be comfortable with do silk at all?”
“Yes, still love silk. It just has to be in a way that’s safe for both of us.
We both paused, pondering, before I said, “I have an idea! You can shop for something silk for yourself — a tie or a shirt or pajamas — and I can shop for something silk for myself. That way we can each buy what we’re comfortable with, and then we can share it.”
“Perfect!” Mark said, relieved.
Addiction may have prevented us from handing each other wrapped boxes, but recovery allowed us to keep ourselves safe and have a date luxuriating both in each others’ presence, as well as the the silk of our choosing. And that’s a pretty wonderful gift.
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I finally started attending a 12 step this year and finally understood what “triggers” meant for me. It’s nice to have a legitimate label for what I thought was just me being stupid and paranoid.
What a wonderful story of healing!
What a great story of recovery and love. This is what I needed to hear, it’s so hard to realize that there are triggers for me now, and that I have to pay attention to them, even when they used to just represent something else, now, I have to pay attention…thank you MPJ…this is amazing, as are you!