Hi gang,
I’ve been considering this for a few weeks since I started blogging. This is  just more miscellaneous ramblings from an alcoholic mind. A friend accused me of preaching with my blogs. She has a point. But they are aimed at newcomers. She’s been around for awhile.
It occurred to me that those magical spots and places we get to when we we’re using, that confidence, that euphoria, that blissful glow or whatever we got out of it, were there inside of us the whole time. It wasn’t just the result of or reaction to a drug, but a part of us as a person that was there all the time. We simply unlocked it with a trigger. We were opening these doors with artificial means.

We can find our way back naturally. I say that because I find myself feeling the way these days that the drugs of choice made me feel. Without alcohol or drugs. We were just  relaxing our inhibitions and getting in touch with real parts of our personalities.         The trouble is, we get too uninhibited and go too far, or get too over the top because we‘re using and we lose our judgment. We can learn to accomplish the same goal without drugs or booze. That’s what will gradually happen if you stay sober long enough.
The  trick is, how to get back to that spot naturally. It takes time,  patience and courage. Self nourishment and commitment. A willingness to stumble along the way. Forgive yourself when you do and keep trying. Like someone uncomfortable with public speaking who takes a course devoted to that, the feeling of gratification that comes with the triumph over our fears is a like a drug itself. It’s the best one of all. 100% real and natural. Once you get it, it’s yours forever. No one can take it away. It’s well worth the effort. You can start to drink or use again and lose it, but once you find it, it will always be there.
You have to face yourself first. Faults,  warts and all.  Good, bad and indifferent.  Make sure you recognize and nurture your good points. You can spend your life running from yourself. You don’t have to do anything in life but breathe and die. If you don’t eat and drink a little bit, you won’t live long. If you don’t want to, you can go through life fooling yourself or not taking responsibility for who you are, what you stand for, or even what you feel.
On the other hand, you can come to terms with your negative feelings about yourself. I think you know what I‘m talking about. We are a bunch of drunks after all. If you didn’t start out with a low opinion of yourself , you probably wound up beating yourself up over something. You can’t lie to me or yourself, folks. I know your ways. They are the same as my own.
You would be surprised how much you can control what you feel by what you allow yourself to think about. I might be repeating myself, but not only you are what you eat, you are what you think. You can wallow in a pool of depression and self pity, the old “Pity Pot.” and dwell on it. Or you can get off of it and focus on something to be grateful about or helping someone else. Anything but giving into a negative cesspool of self reproach and stinking thinking.
You can shape and build your personality by exercising it like your muscles. You can teach an old dog new tricks. I know. I’m old and I‘m changing. It’s “way cool” too. You never heard me say that. That is instant death from the lightning bolt of uncoolness to say that. The guy I bought my guitar from said it was permissible for an old guy to say that under certain circumstances. J
I’m in the process of doing it myself. It’s fun and rewarding. I’m listening in meetings and applying some of the insights I hear to my personal life. I sure hear a lot of wisdom in the rooms. Along with tons of babbling bullshit. I learn from listening to that too. It helps whoever is sharing to verbalize it. I find myself smiling at others who recognize it for what it is. So I am working my free wheeling program my own way. I advise you to do the same. Take what your sponsor tells you with a grain of salt. Work your own program, your way. Take what you need and leave the rest. Don’t get too self involved or take yourself too seriously.
I’m getting to where I like who I am and the person I’m becoming quite a bit.  About time. But I also, like and love others a lot. This is a key ingredient here. Putting others equal to or ahead of yourself. It’s a sure fire cure to the “Self Involved Blues.” That is a path to unhappiness or back to a drink.
I get great deal of joy by putting a smile on someone’s face and making them laugh. Even if  I look like a fool in the process. No harm, no foul. I like to speak to people and say hello if they look like the would be receptive. You can tell when people want to be left alone by their expression. Well, I guess that’s my thoughts for the holiday weekend ahead. Have a good time and enjoy yourself. That’s what your higher power wants for you. He told me to tell you that. None of this is news to a mental health expert. It’s just human nature. That’s what we are after all, human. So if you make a mistake, forgive yourself. God does. That’s  why they put erasers on pencils too. Take care,

A good sober day to you,

Rukiddingme?