Walls.
Jun 30, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- no responses
- Sober Salon
Email This Post
I’m thinking a lot today about walls.
I’ve learned quite well to protect myself from my husband by throwing up great, big, frozen, insurmountable walls. I hunker down behind them. There have been good reasons for me to feel the need to be safe, and I’ve learned out of a strong sense of survival. It works well in the short term, and it keeps me from following my husband off a cliff, which is my immediate, instinctual response.
It doesn’t, though, truly work. As long as I can construct a big enough wall to keep me far away from his pain, I am able to stay frozen in a relationship that is destructive for both of us.
My new homework, then, is to take the walls down. It is my job, if I’m in this marriage until death, to love truly unconditionally. It is my job to be in my husband’s corner, no matter what, believing in him and cheering him on.
The idea scares the hell out of me, but I recognize that what I’ve been doing has not been working. I also recognize that in trying to put up walls to keep myself safe, I’ve not been trusting God to take care of me. I’ve not trusted that there is a God out there who is the true protector of my heart.
I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Related articles:
Stumble it! 
Delicious Facebook
Respond now.
Previous post: « Tab dump
Next post: The Little Bird »