Scary Sex Addicts
Jun 22, 09- (by Mama MPJ)
- 15 responses
- Sober Salon
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There is so much wrong with this story, I don’t even know where to start… Gentle Path linked to a story about an “investigative report” in which a reporter burst into a closed Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) meeting, cameras rolling, to attempt to interview group members. (The only version of the report publicly available is one remixed with editorial comments is available here.)
I understand, very well, the fear and misunderstanding that surrounds addiction, and sex addiction in particular (why do you think I blog under a pseudonym?), but this kind of sensationalist coverage of recovery meetings is the worst way I can think of to address those fears and concerns. It would be like busting into a closed AA meeting to try to talk about drunk driving. After all, there really are (insert ominous drum roll) cars outside those meetings and (insert slow motion negative image) some folks convicted of drunk driving inside them, some of whom (insert scary music) slip in their recovery and show up drunk. Yep, folks. It’s true.
As my husband and I always say, it’s fine to worry about the sex addicts in the meetings. They’re addicts. They’ve screwed up and done hurtful things to themselves and others. Sometimes (but not always) they’ve done illegal things, and in some small minority of those cases the things they did posed a danger to others. Their behavior is compulsive, and there’s no cure, so they may well act out again. Of course, it’s wise and healthy to maintain one’s safety by exercising good boundaries. It’s wise to ask questions and learn (although certainly not by busting into a 12 Step meeting and outing everyone). But if viewers really wanted something scary to worry about, they’d worry about the folks who aren’t in those meetings and who aren’t in recovery. Because active addiction, with no glimmer of recovery, is what’s really scary.
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I wonder how many of them were first-timers that may have been scared out of their wits and may never attend a meeting again? Unbelievable!
Absolutely vile. When did they stop teaching journalism ethics in universities? The real scandal here is that a TV station would think that this is appropriate investigative reporting. I’d feel much safer having my kids in that church than anywhere near that woman.
That’s totally disgusting. I’m studying journalism in grad school. We have ethics next semester. Even without that class, I understand that the key word is ANONYMOUS. Yikes.
The most important thing here, in my opinion, is what you’ve said about the difference between those who are and those who *aren’t* in meetings. By the time we are hurting and scared enough to walk into a recovery meeting, we’re making a huge step towards being a better person. I’m still kind of blown away by what beautiful people I find in 12-step groups. Thanks MPJ.
There’s the little issue of the families and business associates, as well. When addicts go into treatment, they are afforded confidentiality for all of the reasons above, but also because they are actively trying to put their lives and the lives of those around them back into some semblance of order. Regardless of what we think of them personally, the other people in their lives deserve that chance.
The same respect for the innocent should apply to meetings.
I don’t want to seem judgmental with regard our friends in the media, but that reporter should have been fired on the spot. However, I’m sure she wasn’t — and won’t be.
I agree with the actions of this reporter. Sex Addicts harm innocent others through moral and legal crimes. The spotlight of society needs to shine in the face of these criminals. This phenomenon needs to be outed.
MADD didn’t get strict laws enacted against drunk drivers by being shy about the devastation caused by serial drunk drivers.
Sex Addicts need to be identified to all of society because most all will never be able to change and the innocent must be protected.
All the Sex Addict needs to do to prevent themselves from being a moral and legal criminal is to NOT HARM OTHER INNOCENT HUMANS!
Anonymous, without meetings like the one the reporter broke up, they can’t.
Annonymous… you are entitled to your opinion, and as an American I respect that. While I know my Alex will never be “cured” and he may act out again, he has never harmed an “innocent human” and is in no way a criminal.
What is criminal about this video is the blatant stereotyping of sex addicts as criminals who are out to hurt children. My Alex volunteers as a boyscout leader and has for many years. While hid actions may not set the best example for a child (if they were to find out about his addiction) what took place was between him and another or a group of other consenting adults, and was not illegal.
Never in a million years would my SA hurt a child, and it is people like you and this reporter who make him shy away from meetings that could very beneficial to him because he is afraid of being “found out”
Anonymous–I deleted your comment. It violates our Terms of Use, as stated, “You may not engage in bullying, harassment, stalking or predation of other members of TSR or any other third parties via TSR.”
You are welcome to pose the question you had again, but only if you use a civil tone. Yelling your opinions without sensitivity to the emotions and experiences of users on this website will not be tolerated.
~TSR Staff
No thank you. If this web site is not highly welcoming and encouraging of someone with a different perspective calling criminal behavior “criminal behavior,” then this would not be the appropriate venue for my contributions.
Actually what I’m asking you is to be considerate in your tone and conscious of the rest of the community. As long as you can be considerate of others and understanding that other people have completely different viewpoints, then you are absolutely welcome here. If not, your contributions aren’t welcome. No one likes to be yelled at or told vehemently what the problem/solution is.
My husband is a sex addict he has never really hurt anyone but me, he has engaged in sexual acts with other consenting adults but has since found recovery in meeting like these. My marriage would not exsist if he didn’t have some where to go and talk about his compulsive behaviors. I am a recovering alcoholic and I need my own version of meetings. No matter what the problem we face we need a place to go where people understand us and we should not be persecuted because we have a desire to change.
This is absolutely outrageous! As a former journalist, as a survivor of a sex addicts’ lewd use of my body for his own pleasure, as a member of a 12-step group for my own sex addiction I am absolutely OUTRAGED by this report. I’m not only angry with the reporter and videographer, but with the station management who aired this report.
I encourage everyone who is so inclined to join me in writing to this news station and expressing strong objection to this kind of alleged reporting.
News 12 Long Island
1 Media Crossways
Woodbury, NY 11797
news12li@news12.com
As for Anonymous here — I pray that you never know the realities of what you are saying.
I saw this clip on Gentle Path’s blog and my jaw dropped. As the wife of a sex addict, a journalist and just a baffled ordinary citizen, I’m with you, Rae.
That is so disturbing! I can’t believe some people. I agree with you when you say that the sex addicts that people should be worried about are the ones who are not in those meetings- why would someone want to beat down a person (or people) who are trying to overcome such an issue. My friend recently found out that her husband had an issue with sex addiction. This man was the nicest, kindest husband in the world, but simply had a problem that he needed some help with. Thanks to help from therapy and Victoria Prater and Garry Prater’s latest book “Love and Pornography” they are working through this issue together as a couple. I am sure that he will always have a struggle in overcoming this issue, but I have seen him grow so much- I am proud of him. Had something like this happened to him, he would have been so ashamed he wouldn’t have ever gone back to a meeting, thus he never would have gotten the help both he and his wife so desperately needed.