What Should I Do?
Jun 12, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- no responses
- Sober Salon
Email This Post
There are a few parts of my life where I feel qualified to give advice to others. I love to give advice to the wives of addicts. I feel comfortable in that arena. I also love to give advice to people who are struggling with writing projects. I’m good at helping them overcome their humps.
There are some areas, though, where I’d rather saw off my own arm than offer advice. Particularly, when my husband asks me for advice or feedback, it scares the hell out of me. First, it scares me because I truly, madly, deeply want to give him advice. I want to advise him all the time. I want to advise him on when to go to bed and when to wake up…what to wear and what to do and what to think and feel and say. I want to advise him on how to recover, what to do about a career, and what kind of art projects he should take on. I want to be the big, head honcho boss of him, and I want it desperately.
I’ve been doing this recovery thing long enough, though, to know that I’m powerless over my husband, and my efforts to manage his life for him will make my own unmanageable. However, I know that when he asks me for advice or feedback, it’s important to share honestly about what I think about his situation.
He has been toying with the idea of quitting methadone cold turkey again. Approximately every six months, he obsesses about the idea. He’s been pretty successful with a blind taper over the last few months, and he’s getting down to a more reasonable dose. He asked me about whether I thought cold turkey detoxing was a good idea, and I had no idea what to say.
I don’t know if anything seems like a good idea anymore, and thinking through his options made me feel quite a bit of empathy for the corner he’s painted himself into. There are a million things he might do, and none of them are good things. There’s no free lunch anymore, and whatever decision he makes about his recovery requires some risk, some sickness, some loss. I’m sorry for him, and I don’t know what to say…so I made a nice dinner, with dessert, instead.
I can’t fill all his holes, but that’s one I could.
Related articles:
Stumble it! 
Delicious Facebook
Respond now.
Previous post: « Having It Welded
Next post: Communication »