Our family sessions are going to be coming to an end here in a few weeks. We are starting to cut back to one day a week - its been almost four months and progress has been made. Our oldest attends school now, does no homework, but he attends school. He adheres to the house rules, which are in writing now, we no longer avoid topics because of fear from conflict, everything seems to have fallen nicely into place, he is not quick to anger or blow, the drama is almost non -existent if that is even possible in the life of a teen, he and my husband can communicate now, appropriately, without yelling, screaming or physical altercations. Defensive mode for my oldest which was the only gear he had for a long time is now getting a rest.

It’s a wonderful thing, the peace in the home and what’s more it feels like what I would imagine normal to feel like! So, soon the sessions will be over and my hope is that this peace we have learned is not just a show for the sessions to end, sooner rather than later, but that this is authentic, because it really does bring me happiness.

The fact is I have trust issues. Fear often times comes from past experiences and I am no different. My expectations have been low for some time and my fear that this patch job is not authentic, even though it feels authentic, even though I believe we are all sincere in our efforts, stems from past experiences with my family. One of the hardest things I am working on is the lack of faith I have, today. Right now.  Not faith of the spiritual kind but faith in my husband, my oldest and maybe even myself. The letting go of the past, of what I have come to expect from those I love, from myself that is the hard part for my recovery.

I had a boss once who I adored, who used to say: “people don’t change.” I was young, I agreed with her, thinking that people do not change, but I was wrong. People do change, people have the  capacity to move mountains if their heart are in it and perhaps there in lies the focus of this post.

Their hearts are in it. I know it when I catch my breath thinking about them, as my eyes water because I am so proud and so grateful that they put their hearts into this, that they have reached out for one another regardless of what their own history had taught them about expectations, regardless of any fear they may have had.  That they have been successful at caulking up the cracks in their foundation, after not being successful at accomplishing much more than breaking things together over the years, and I have to believe that people do change.

So I am pleasantly surprised that I can learn a lesson about relationships from these two people in my life who I never held much hope could co-exist in the same home, let alone have meaningful conversations.