” Guitar Fairies, Sobriety Fairies, and other tales from the dark side, light side and which side is up?

By RUkiddingme?

Rule # 1; Don’t take a drink one day at a time.

Rule # 2; Never take three and a half hits of Purple Haze double domes without waiting between doses for it to catch up. This is very important!!!. Some say that’s what happened to me.

Rule # 3; Middleton Group #1. Rule # 62; “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

Especially me, or anything I write in this blog.

Middleton Group # 1. Rule # 62. That is from the Twelve and Twelve, page 149.  I sound like an AA Nazi, quoting from the Twelve and Twelve. God help me if I turn into one. But He did, and that’s why I’m sober. More on that later. Those are words to live by. It’s also the tag line on my close friend, Mr. B’s, myspace page.

I found that in the Twelve and Twelve a few Saturday’s ago at a meeting, and I immediately bought the damn thing, A hard cover copy.16 years down the line. 16 years. That’s a lot of 24 hours. This supposed to me an anonymous blog, but I have nothing to hide really, and I’m not going to go too far to protect my identity. If you ask me an honest question, I’ll give you  an honest answer. Just be prepared to be shocked.
I’ve been down a lot of roads. A lot more than most alcoholics. And despite my giant ego’s desire to consider myself special, I’m just another drunk. Just like everybody else. Humble pie is sometimes a tough meal to digest. Frequent doses of it should be on every alcoholics menu, whether you like it or not.
I’m sure I’ll embarrass myself many times over in this blog, but I’m used to that and consider it great sport, to tell you the truth. Even when I embarrass myself with something I spit out haphazardly. There is usually some truth to the dumb things I say. I guess I have to stand by most of it.

I also once said to a myspace friend in an email, I need to be sent to literary school for excessive use of commas and run on sentences. This stems from the fact that I’m technically only a ninth grade graduate. I failed sophomore English in high school out of total indifference, apathy and because it’s  a hopelessly boring subject. I dropped out of  high school unceremoniously in the 11th grade, because I could care less and had no need or desire for a formal education. I wound up working with horses mostly, with some diversions into construction. I am more highly educated than one of my hero’s, Jethro de Bodine, with his sixth grade education and Giant Brain. Whether I’m smarter than Jethro, is not for me to decide. Or even funnier. Jethro is funny.

Getting back to Guitar Fairies and Sobriety Fairies…. I was thinking about saying at a meeting, where I never say anything anyhow, and rarely do. I think I can damn near count on my fingers and toes the number of times I’ve “Shared” at a meeting. Despite my tremendous love of attention and flattery to feed my ego, I really don’t like to say anything at meetings or speak in front of a group of strangers. This is a normal human emotion and a well known common fear. Do I have to admit I’m common again? No, no, not that please. Not with my giant ego that’s so big I think I’ve got a damn good reason to have one.  I’m even thinking of legally changing my middle name to Megalomania.

But I digress. I’ve got no attention span. Brain damage. My memory is so bad I can’t even remember how to spell it, let alone have one. I’m using up all my best material in this first blog. I better save something for future posts. If I live long enough to post another one. If I’ve made it this far, I guess I’ll make it a while longer. It’s a miracle I’m still alive and sober, and that’s the truth. Those who know me can attest to that. Those lucky people. That’s a take off on one of Mr. B.’s jokes. He’s funny too.
In regard to fear, I don’t have much of it anymore. That is one of the fringe benefits of long term sobriety. Hang in there gang. I can promise you fear will diminish with the passage of time. Fear is a cowardly emotion and shallow bully. How’s that for an oxymoron? If I’m using the term correctly. If you face “Mr. Fear”, he’ll come tumbling down like a house of cards in a strong wind.
FDR was right. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” That’s what I’ve found by facing my fears, which were many. If I confronted them, they slunk off quietly into the sunset like a dog with its tail between it’s leg’s. I scarcely noticed it was happening.

I was going to say that there is no Sobriety Fairy that comes down from heaven and taps you on the head with her magic wand and makes you sober, just like there is no Guitar Fairy that taps you with her magic wand and makes you a good guitar player. You just have to put in hour after long hour of practice to get good at it. This varies from person to person, depending on many variables. Like talent, which I don’t have.
But as I sat at a meeting, thinking about sharing this insight, I realized that there certainly is a Sobriety Fairy after all. And her name is, “Patience.” Unlike playing the guitar, which you have to practice to get good at, all you have to do is stay sober one day at a time. Day after maddening day, no matter what, and you’ll eventually learn how to be sober. This is practicing after all. Practicing staying and getting sober. Just like the guitar. As time goes by, many of these days become quite pleasant.
The Twelve Promises are true, I’ve found. Those old timers knew what they were talking about so long ago when they wrote the literature. We haven’t changed at all in the 90 years or so since they wrote it. That’s why I bought the Twelve and Twelve after all these years. When I saw Rule # 62. A scofflaw and rule breaker like me. I’ve got the criminal record to prove it.  So do many in the program. It goes with the territory we tread on. I have toned the rule breaking down as the years have passed. I got tired of jail and such.
If you hang in there, sooner or later you’ll get that “Peaceful Easy Feeling” that the Eagles sang about, and I’ve finally found for myself. Serenity with a soft calm inside. I see it in the faces and eyes of my old friends that I’ve seen around the rooms for so long. I see it in other long term sober people I see at meetings. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll wind up as happy as I am, but you will sure feel a lot better as time goes by. I can guarantee you that.
The Sobriety Fairy’s middle name is “Perseverance.” Don’t drink, one day at a time. It’s a simple formula and the only real rule of AA. I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t even know the steps. I never worked them. I told you I’m a rule breaker. I just didn’t take a drink, one day at a time. My higher power did the rest. That is the most important step. Turn your will and your life over to the care of God, as you understand Him. God was off my radar for my first ten years in the program. But you know what? I wasn’t off His. And you aren’t either. Whether you know it or not. Take it from me. I found out.
So Chickie babies, ladies and germs. and boys and girls, which we always will be, no matter how old those of us in the program get, this is my first blog post.  I hope I stay sober long enough for another one. Sorry about the misspellings and such, I failed English after all.

A good sober day to you,

RUkiddingme?