Like many people, I walked into my first 12 Step meeting never expecting to wind up there, with no clue what to expect other than what Hollywood had taught me (which I soon learned was nothing accurate). The meetings I first started attending were for friends and family members of sex addicts, and they were tiny, just four or five women sitting in a circle in a church meeting room. After lengthy, scripted readings (those fifteen to twenty minutes certainly never make it into the movies), there would be time for “sharing.”

Because our group was small, sharing was less structured…

I just learned about Phoenix Multisport. I only know what it says on the website, but it looks like an amazing example of the diversity within and the potential of the recovering community. The recovering community (as wells as the tribes within it) never fails to inspire me.

I recently shared in a meeting that I have begun to feel as if I am taking on more and more service work with Al-Anon. And the feeling that I get is similar to those pre-program years when I took on more and more things at work and at home, only to feel trapped and resentful that I had taken on too much.

I inventoried what was going on and find that I’m not wanting to take on anything else. In fact, I’m wanting to rotate out of service on some things. I haven’t volunteered to do the Beginner meeting in…

The New York Times follows heroin’s trail in Ohio:

Paul Coleman, the director of Maryhaven, the largest rehabilitation center in the region, said the percentage of patients reporting opiates, principally heroin, as their preferred drug — whether it is smoked, inhaled or injected — grew to 68 percent last year from 38 percent in 2002.
. . .
In Ohio, for instance, heroin-related deaths spread into 18 new counties from 2004 to 2007, the latest year for which statistics are available. Their numbers rose to 546 in that period, from 376 for 2000 to 2003.
. . .
The share of heroin-related prosecutions among federal drug…

i have a need to delve, to grow

to seek, to find, to learn, to known

to understand where i’ve come from

why i react, where to find calm

i hover, re-live, both good times and bad

i feel again the happy and sad

recalling memories from long ago

out of the blue remember things so

i need to know, to talk about these

that is my way of finding peace

i now understand the same doesn’t work

for you to relive your past that lurks

you shut off unwanted, things that cause pain

you choose to forget, your way to keep sane

to dig in the memories causes you grief

for on your face…

I’ve read several blogs and seen for myself in real life the horrors that go along with active alcoholism.  One woman wrote in her blog that she was struck on the head and choked by her husband who is alcoholic. She called the police and now has a 11 day Emergency Protective Order for her and their 20 month old child. And she is scared, lonely, and wondering the same thoughts that I used to wonder about during the time that I lived with active alcoholism.

In the worse part of those years when my wife was drinking, we had our…

Today, I ran into a situation that would have caused me enormous frustration in the past. I’d finished my work around the house, I’d eaten my lunch, I’d even written a blog post about how I couldn’t write a blog post and I was left with a stray five minutes before my daughter was due home from school. Five minutes. Ugh! I can’t get anything done in five minutes.

Oh, sure. I know there are efficiency experts out there who will say there’s plenty that can be accomplished in five minutes. Make a phone call! Dash off an e-mail! Chop some vegetables…

May fifth a year ago, my oldest daughter got married for the first time, at age 38. She waited a long time, but ended up wed to her teenage sweetheart, a guy we’d known since he was sixteen.

He’d had his troubles over the years, difficulties that my wife and I — and most folks here — can relate to, but he’d been clean and sober for a long time, and we welcomed him with open arms. He came complete with a gorgeous 18-year-old daughter he’d raised as a single parent. She loved our daughter, daughter loved her, and we came…

“You just need to be a flea against injustice. Enough committed fleas biting strategically can make even the biggest dog uncomfortable and transform even the biggest nation.”

-Margaret Wright Edelman

I’ve been looking for more and more ways to use my time for service. My new schedule will mess up some of my meeting attendance, so I’m looking for other ways to serve than through my 12 step groups. Last weekend, I donated some time to an organization that helps to repair houses for folks in need. I sanded some walls, scrubbed some floors, and left feeling a little better for having…

CASA has pulled together a report that attempts to capture all of the costs of substance abuse in federal, state and local governments.

The report says that Michigan spends 18.2% its entire budget on substance abuse and addiction and its consequences. Only 0.2% goes to prevention and treatment.

If you line in another state, you can find its info here.

Technorati Tags: spending, treatment, prevention, michigan

Nobody told me that, and honestly, I’m not sure I would have been able to hear them if they did, but man-o-man it is an important thing to realize.  That’s  my experience anyway.

You see, this isn’t my first rodeo.  I had over 2 years sobriety on another occasion and I suffered a major illness.  I had meningitis.  I spent several days in the hospital on serious painkillers.  I went home with more of them, and when they weren’t really cutting it for me anymore I reached out for the chemical that was always my first love - crystal meth.  I…

Five months ago, after a four and a half year hiatus, I once again started attending a 12 Step group for partners of sex addicts. I had just finished working the Steps with an online group and my intention was to join the group and work the Steps in this group the good old-fashioned way, with a real life sponsor. However, the group I’m attending, which is the best fit both for my schedule and my philosophical leanings, is brand-new and tiny. There are people in the group who have worked the Steps in other programs before, but no one…

I’m in the car with FD. He’s driving south on 1, we’re heading for the tide pools, and two of our grandsons are kicking at the front seat.

I get a call from one of my sons, a married son with children who lives on the opposite coast. Basically, if I want to see my grandchildren, I get to get on an airplane and fly an hour or four. I’m still working it out three days later. My back is, that is.

Oh, let’s segue. I’m not complaining, although I do look silly in the galley on the plane, doing the physical…

I’ve had a busy day today, and even managed to squeeze in some time for affection from my husband. He’s not done with me. He thought he was for a minute, but he’s not. Part of me thought he might be, but part of me knows that it’s kind of impossible for us to leave each other alone for very long. Something in us is knitted together, and it’s not unraveling very easily.

I worked this morning, rushed off to a therapy appointment to adjust my medication, rushed back to work, rushed off again for counseling with my trauma recovery therapist,…

…most men have bound their eyes with one or another handkerchief, and attached themselves to some one of these communities of opinion. This conformity makes them not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars. Their every truth is not quite true. Their two is not the real two, their four not the real four: so that every word they say chagrins us and we know not where to begin to set them right. ~ Emerson

Oy. What is there to say about this? Where to begin?

New research?

Co-occurring disorders are proof that addiction isn’t…

In a comment on a recent Second Road post, patti asked what the possible causes of sex addiction are. I imagine nearly everyone whose life has been affected by addiction asks some version of the same question: Why do addicts do what they do? What made addicts what they are? No one really knows for certain why any of us (addict or not) are the way we are (although many of us will torture ourselves looking anyway). However, there are some biological and

Biological

Researchers believe that, like other addictions, compulsive behaviors such as sex addiction may be related to dopamine receptors in the brain, which…

More discussion of pot (and other drug) policy:

• Comment: Get real, drug czars by Robin Room
• What Would Happen if Marijuana Were Decriminalized? A Freakonomics Quorum

Technorati Tags: marijuana, policy

I am sick and tired of everything and everyone in my life today (except, of course, my doggies).  I want to throw a tantrum, to break dishes, to spray paint a vulgarity on someone’s house.  I want to pinch a baby, to give a total stranger the finger as I drive by.  I want it to stop being dark and rainy.  I want to be a size 8 (I’ve never been a size 8, except for 3 weeks in 1984) and I want everyone in my life to feel what I feel like right at this moment.  I am sick…

This weekend, for the first time in my life, I had the opportunity to hear a sex addict from my husband’s recovery group speaking about his experiences. I know my husband’s story, about as intimately as anyone else can; in a way, it’s my story too. Mark read his First Step — the narrative of his life in his addiction — to me the night before he presented it to his 12 Step group, and it moved us both to tears. I’ve read the stories of other sex addicts in books and on blogs. I’ve had the chance to hear…

This week, when our family pet went missing and later turned up dead, I did an obsessive imitation of some of my favorite literary detectives; like Sherlock Holmes, I tried to piece together the smallest clues and like Hercule Poirot, I strained the little grey cells of my brain looking for answers. How and when did he get out? When did he die? What did I miss or overlook? I tried to pinpoint the time of death, doing google searches for information on when rigor mortis sets in in animals. I tried to talk to witnesses, questioning everyone from my…

Here’s a presentation with audio from Bill White in the U.K.

I’m glad to see that he’s addressing palliative care models. I’ve seen similar talks from him on several occasions and this is new to me. I mentioned in an earlier (and controversial) post that his description of MMT was different from my experience.

Treatment providers have long been troubled by the psychiatricizing of addiction. The mental health system is far larger and far more powerful. Fear of being “colonized and devoured” led to a kind of hunkering down that bred unhealthy skepticism (As opposed to healthy and appropriate skepticism.) of research, new…

There’s a picture of me somewhere, when my son was a few months old, sitting at the computer and uploading pictures of him to share. I got lots of advice to sleep when the baby slept. I was told by plenty of people that those early sleepless days of parenthood are temporary, that things settle down eventually and I would sleep again. When that shift happened, I would have time for those things I ought to put off in favor of sleep now. That all made sense to me, yet I look at that picture and think about how isolated…

It’s still patient, and that patience is paying off. Today, my husband and I had a good, long talk. He’s still crazy and in a pretty complicated place these days, but he is at last acknowledging it. He has stopped laying the blame of all his complicated feelings at my feet, and he told me a lot of the ways he’s feeling confused. He also assured me he loves me, always, and that he doesn’t understand why he’s treating me so unfairly.

It makes me proud of him when he is owning his stuff. I know it’s a little crazy to…

there is a time to make a change

to know when things don’t work

there is a time to say your say

you can’t leave things that irk

there is a time to change your mind

to know when thinking’s flawed

there is a time to move around

when habits leave you bored

there is a time to start anew

to know you can if you try

there is a time to delve in deep

when all you ask is ‘why’

there is a time to question those

to know is surely right

there is a time to leave things be

when beauty’s in your sight

there is a time to ask for help

to know when…

Earlier this week, I had a rough morning with my daughter, my son was sick, I had an IEP meeting scheduled (those of you who don’t know what that is, be glad you don’t) and on top of it all, I couldn’t find a family pet (which would later turn up dead). After I got my daughter off to school, I called my husband Mark at work. He answered the phone hurriedly, as he often seems to at work, and said, “Is everything ok? Can I call you back?” This is the point at which I usually answer, “Yes, it’s…

My husband has been home for 3 nights in a row now. Am I supposed to be happy? I am happy. Maybe. I’m at least content. I know where he is. I am glad to know where he is.

Today, I cleaned a room in my house. It’s been a while since I’ve had a room in my house that was presentable for other people. I’m making a project: for the next several weekends, I’m going to clean one room at a time. Eventually, I’ll have a whole house that doesn’t look like it’s for animals.

I listened to podcasts of old…

Melissa and I had the honor to be interviewed on the webcast, The Afflicted and Affected, with host Chris Schroeder.  Not only can you see what we really look like, you can see how The Second Road got started, and what we’re up to now.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior

It’s almost 6:00 in the morning. I’m sitting on my back deck, coffee to my right, cigarettes to my left, laptop on my lap. One of my doggies is lying to my right, chewing on a rawhide bone and the neighborhood is taking on that beigy-gray color right before one sees the forehead of the son peek over the Eastern horizon. I’ve been up for an hour – ever since I heard the dogs bark, saw the car driving in a staccato semi-circle around my cul-de-sac and saw the man/boy get out of the car in front of my yard…

At 40 days off cigarettes my back and ribs hurt me so much that I couldn’t move and for some reason I decided that I needed to see a chiropractor.  So I went to see one, had an exam, took a ton of x-rays, got an adjustment and was told to ice my ribs and come back the following Monday.

Well, that night I couldn’t get out of a chair I sat down in.  I tried to lie on the floor thinking it might help and instead it made things worse.  I called my mom and asked if she had anything…

I’ve been giving a lot of thought recently to the 12 Step saying: “Let go and let God.” I was talking to a (non-program) friend about those words a few weeks ago and she asked, “What does that mean? Let go and let God? I don’t get it.” And as I struggled to formulate an answer, I found myself approaching the words anew.

I’ve had a lot of letting go I’ve needed to do lately. Among other things, we suffered the death of a pet this week, and death is the ultimate letting go. And at this very moment, Gigi, the…