In one of the Alanon pamphlets on detachment, there are a series of bullets representing the things we learn in Alanon.  Two of them are the following:

In Alanon We Learn:

Not to create a crisis, and

Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

I am in a quandary right now.  How does one know if they are “creating a crisis” or allowing a crisis to occur “in the natural course of events?”  This has been gnawing at me for the last several days, since I have found myself in situations where I really don’t know if  I’m creating a crisis, or just not preventing one from occurring.

I went to my handy dandy on-line dictionary and found the following definition for the word create:

1. to cause to come into being, as something unique that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes.

I also found the following definition for the word allow, in other words, “not to prevent:

1. to give permission to or for; permit:

So when someone I love does something that is obviously not in her/his best interest and it affects ME and I let them know that IT HAS AFFECTED ME, am I creating a crisis or allowing the natural progression of their harmful action to proceed to its natural conclusion -  A CRISIS!

Sometimes I think I have only two realities:  sleep and CRISIS! Now I’ve been doing quite a bit of sleeping lately, to alleviate the pressure of all the CRISES in my life….little 15 minute bits of entering the state of the unconscious, just to take a break from the CRISIS of living life on life’s terms.  I’m getting very good at these little sleep trysts.  Yesterday, however, I had a 5 hour, get in bed, don’t answer the phone, pull the covers up over my head, gotta get away from life kind of  afternoon/evening.  I didn’t feel depressed (well, maybe a little) and didn’t think I had any specific anger issues pulsing in the Limbic area of my brain, nor did I feel the need to cry.  I just felt numb, kinda of gray, and weighted down with the every day reality of my life.

My life, to most people, is very hectic, - jam packed with “things” that I do, whether it’s work, extracurricular activities, committees, volunteering, going to the gym or trying to take care of someone else’s issues, i.e., picking up my son from school or work because he has lost his license due to an overabundance of speeding tickets. I have automatically assumed his CRISIS and made it my own. As a good enabler, I do those kinds of things very well, and very automatically - that way I don’t have to take accountability for my actions.

I still don’t know how much I really do contribute to the CRISES in my life and the lives of those I love, but I do know this…….I need  a nap!

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior