Everything Right
Apr 9, 09- (by Mantramine)
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Methadone saved my marriage. Or, did it just prolong it? I think back to that day when I felt I had finally reached, for real, for sure, my breaking point, and he came home and announced he was going to try the methadone program.
Well, didn’t I owe it to us, the years, the kids… to give him one last shot? Who knew it would work? I can assure you that I had little faith.
As I look back over this past year and half, as things get more and more perfect, as I tell him my truth and he responds with strength and character- doing everything right, I think back to that day when methadone saved my marriage….
I circle the freeze frame image in my mind, like a detective looking for clues as to where it went wrong and why I didn’t see it. But, I can look in my eyes and see that I saw, that I knew.
My eyes said, “I have nothing left inside me, but go ahead and try.”
and I think now: sometimes you have to force a break just so can fix it.
Maybe. I don’t know.
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It is really encouraging to hear that things have improved for you. I don’t know how to forgive when things have been so hard. Even if he does everything I always needed, it seems too late….
Yea, I’m learning a lot from all the women I see committed to working things through with their husbands. I hope the best for you all.
I personally agree with Hope, once my heart has been heart and I’ve disengaged, it’s hard to re-engage. I’m trying. I want to.
Glad to see a good outcome. There is always SOOO much negativity and stigma surrounding Methadone. It is one tool I use in my recovery and I am VERY grateful that it is there. I have been clean for almost seven years now. I never thought that would happen, not in a million cajillion years! I will keep ya’ll in my thoughts and prayers!!
Jenn
http://rantingfroggypanties.blogspot.com