My Step 3
Feb 19, 09- (by Lou)
- 8 responses
- Controversy Alley, Family and Friends, Sober Salon, Uncategorized
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“We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God”
The step 3 worksheet my sponsor gave me asked the following:
How was your co dependent behavior in conflict with your values.
It was painful to remember the things I had done. By not acting, I condoned drug use. I rationalized what I knew to be theft. I lied for my addict. I signed papers in his name. There is more, but gratefully it will stay between my sponsor and I.
I did things for the addict that had I observed someone else acting that way, I would have been shocked. My sponsor lived the chaos of crack and alcohol addiction for 20 years; she is not shocked. She is not even surprised. She insists I write it down, say it out loud. I selectively suspended my moral sense when I lived in the chaos of my child’s reckless using.
I compromised my values in black and white. Later, when we talked about the question in my group, women told of conflicted values not so obvious.
Sleeping with someone to be liked, staying with a person you don’t love, and never speaking up about hurt and disrespect so as not to upset the addict. We listened to each other, heard how often we made exceptions to our beliefs for the qualifier in our life.
Now I have knowledge, tools; when I’m asked to compromise my values again I will say no. Right is right and wrong is wrong, although addiction is insidious at making you believe it is not so.
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The hardest part is to confront these things.
The rewards of an honest, earnest, loving lifestyle are immeasurable.
Thanks for sharing this.
Your last liine pretty much sums it all up. Much love to you m’dear.
And what I find so odd is how I was capable of putting on those rose colored glasses in order to not have my world moved or changed - yet how when I lived in it - all I could think of was him changing…
Thank you for sharing Lou.
Great entry Lou! I am at the not taking action part and that’s something that I have to work out with my sponsor. I would be shocked too, if I saw THIS happening in someone else’s home. What to do, what to do? Definitely, I am compromsing my values. My life is still mostly unmanageable. Thank God for Al-Anon! Blessings, Lisa
I still swallow my heart when I think of what I allowed and took part in, not just with my own addictions but those of whomever I shared my life with at that time. For some of us I believe our addictions gave us the tools to be the enabler as well. Great post dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo
Lou, what a great question and what a powerful post! I NEEDED this today and all I can say is a resounding **YEAH** to everything you posted. I can relate to everything you said. Thanks for sharing.
Step 3. You are doing great.
Please know how much you inspire wiyh your daily posts
Lou this is so honest and it’s such a gift to have this awareness, it is painful, but it is a gift. Thank you for shairng your journey.