For those in Al-Anon
Feb 13, 09- (by Cat)
- 4 responses
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon, Sobriety Salon
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Who are in a place where there is despair, living daily with an alcoholic or a dry drunk I want to encourage you to pick up their big book and read the chapters for the wives/spouses and the chapter for the family.
Read it twice or three times if needed. The chapter for the family is what I have read now four times in the past week, to remind myself that change takes time and work, but always it leaves me feeling hopeful for what my part in this change and this process can be.
It never occured to me to pick up the big book and read it before my Al-Anon sponser who also happens to be an alcoholic suggested I do so. I had thought that the big book was all for the Alcoholics, was off limits to me and I wanted to be sure that others knew there is stuff to be learned from in that book for the families of the alcoholic as well.
If you do not have the book, you can look the chapters up online via google. I know this because I ave done it.
Have a great weekend everyone.
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I found a lot of wisdom in the Big Book. I still read it. I tell my sponsees to read it. And I read the AA 12 x 12 too. Understanding that the alcoholic has the same feelings of despair, anger, fear that I do helped me to be compassionate and understanding. After all, I simply didn’t have the disease of drinking but the disease of thinking.
I have never heard that before Syd - the disease of thinking as opposed to the disease of drinking… I like that.
Al-Anon literature says to educate yourself about alcoholism as a disease and learn all that you can. I think the Big Book of A.A. is important to read…but not at an Al-Anon meeting. Remember, it is written by an alcoholic for alcoholics. Chapters 8 & 9, To the Wives and Families Afterwards were written in the late 1930s by Bill W. Some Al-Anon members are confused by it –is he a type 1, type 2, type 3, or type 4 drinker? I found it sexist by today’s standards. Sobriety is a miracle. But it doesn’t mean that I have to accept unacceptable behavior from a dry drunk. A.A.’s 4th Step is about ego reduction. The Al-Anon 4th Step is about finding ourselves–me, myself, and I along with the good within me, which I could not see. My recovery is about developing an ego –self esteem, self worth. The only ego reduction I needed was getting over thinking that I could get the alcoholic sober and that he loved me so much that he would stop drinking. I don’t need anymore ego reduction. I needed the sanity and humility from the other Steps to realize I didn’t cause alcoholism, I couldn’t cure it, and I can’t control it. Yes, we have much in common with A.A.–spiritually I realized it was a moot point at my house who was drinking and who wasn’t. I was just as mentally sick but without drinking.
Al-Anon has its own literature written by Al-Anon members for Al-Anon members. How Al-Anon Works For Families and Friends of Alcoholics, Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Plus we have our own
4th Step Inventory guides.
My point is that my recovery means getting the focus on myself…not the alcoholic. My experience with the A.A. Big Book is that it gets me focused on the alcoholic. I need to learn from other Al-Anon members how to apply the prinicples of Al-Anon (Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, Twelve Concepts of Service and the slogans) to my daily life. Al-Anon is about me…
the great thing about recovery is that we can make it our own, however that works for each of us individually and I love that.
I totally agree with you - recovery in al anon should be all about the ‘me’.
Great comment!