Jerkface McDickhead.
Jan 10, 09- (by JunkysWife)
- 7 responses
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
Boy, I’m angry.
My husband is the world’s biggest jerk. With all 40 days of recovery, he still sucks. Why isn’t he fixed already?
He and I have volunteered to staff this prayer and meditation center together on Saturday evenings. He agreed to staff it for the first half so that I could go to my Saturday night Nar-anon meeting, and I’d meet him after my meeting to finish staffing. It’s the same place where he attends a 10PM AA meeting, so it works out well for us to staff together in this way.
This morning, however, he announced that he wouldn’t be able to staff the center tonight because of a very important football game.
He is being a self-absorbed, inconsiderate, rude, asshole. Not only am I missing my meeting now, he is missing his as well, and I’m staffing this center alone.
For some reason, I am surprised. Somehow, I got the idea that he’d meet his obligations. I thought he might do what he said he’d do. I can’t imagine what would make me think such a thing, and I’m furious with myself for having such a ridiculous idea. I’m angry for believing him when he said that he was excited to have an opportunity to serve others. I’m angry for thinking that he’d be wiling, ready, and able to work for free, when he’s not even been able to gather the gumption to work for money over the last two years. I’m mad at myself for continuing to get myself into situations where I’m left carrying his weight when he bails. How many times am I going to have to learn this lesson?
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Oh, man. I know this feeling all too well. During the three months my husband was in recovery, I’d just keep repeating to myself, “Progress, not perfection” whenever he slipped back into old behavior. Oh, and of course gratitude helps, too. Whenever he’d act like a jerkface, I’d remind myself that he was going to meetings and he had X many days without the porn–that was something to be stoked about. Hugs, JW. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to your meeting.
Have you read the chapter “The Family Afterward”?
I’m sorry God is punching you in the nose with lessons.
But I had to giggle, because when I saw the title of this post come up in my reader, I knew it had to be you writing.
I had to giggle myself. I know where you are - I’m there, too but your title was just too damned funny!
Hey Chris–http://www.thejunkyswife.com/2009/01/to-wives.html
Great title, JW! I agree with Mama. God is punching you in the nose with lessons, and as to your last question…I think God continues to punch until we learn, make a decision based on what we’ve learned, and then take an action based on that decision. Good luck with Mr. Jerkface.
I always stop myself from expecting my husband to do what he says he intends to do - even now after 15 months of sobriety, I do not take his word for it - if he winds up following through then I am grateful and if not then I am not disappointed… I had to get off that roller coaster ride - it was making me sick…