Why?
Dec 31, 08- (by Lou)
- 3 responses
- Sober Salon
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It’s genetic, it’s a disease, bad karma, bad luck, environment, parenting, schizophrenia, bi polar, ADHD. He got dropped on his head by a babysitter, I drank too much coffee when I was pregnant. It was the immunizations, lead paint, global warming, tainted water. It’s a punishment from God for something I did. We were too strict, we were too lenient, dysfunctional, too Dr. Spock, not enough Dr. Brazelton. It runs in the family, I didn’t breastfeed, he didn’t do enough chores. More spanking, less video games. There was nothing we could do, we never did enough.
Oh, how much time I’ve wasted trying to find rational explanations for something as totally irrational as addiction.
At the hospital where I work, they have an employee assistance 24 hour help line. One night I called it late, desperate and afraid. I got a 3rd year psych resident (it was very late). I told him of our family’s nightmare, of our child’s addiction. There was an long pause, and I knew he was choosing his words carefully. Finally he said, “Hmm…heroin…that’s a tough one.”
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This makes me think of my son’s autism — how trying to find reasons why he is the way he is gives the illusion of control and the illusion that there was some way to escape this set of challenges…
Anything that cannot be medically categorized in black & white, like autism, addiction, depression, mental disorders puts the “blame” somewhere else. Epilepsy used to be considered a punishment for sins. The things I read about autism on the web are so misleading & biased, I’m sure it must be very hurtful. I do feel responsible to an extent with my son, that’s how mom’s are wired I think. But I spent enough years on that, I don’t dwell on it anymore.
I suppose what is hard is how to offer support now, as the present too will contribute to the future and one day be looked upon as the past. The right balance of support, compassion, and self-care must be difficult. Stay strong.