Self-Soothing
Dec 3, 08- (by JunkysWife)
- 2 responses
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
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I’m working on finding new and exciting techniques for calming myself down. I have remained surprisingly centered throughout my husband’s hospitalization and his release on Monday, but it’s requiring a lot of attention. I’m falling behind in my work again, and I’m noticing that small disruptions in my sleeping, eating, meetings, and yoga schedule can send me reeling.
I’m trying to take it easy, also, as I’d gotten used to the idea of my husband being gone, and now he’s back in my house. Before he was hospitalized, we’d been separated for about a month. I’d gotten a lot of quiet time in my house full of myself and my animals. Things were clean. There were only vegetables and fruits in the refrigerator. Now he’s back, with his dark cloud, his loud television, his big feet, and his meat.
He caught a nasty case of bronchitis in the hospital, and he’s not feeling very well. In spite of it, he went to a meeting last night, beginning his proposed 90 meetings in 90 days, which is a good thing. I’m trying really, really hard not to have expectations about anything…success or failure. It’s hard to remain indifferent.
What’s working is meditating, burning a nice candle, sleeping and eating well, and talking to my friends. I bought myself a new shirt that I think is pretty. Yesterday, I ate a little pecan danish. In a little while, I’m going to go to yoga. If I feel like dropping to my knees and resting in child’s pose, I will. I’ll go home and take a shower with nice soaps, and then I’ll fix a good lunch with some tea.
It’s difficult for me to stay out of my husband’s business, especially when his business is looking so good right now. He’s sick, so I want to take care of him. He’s going to meetings, and I want to drive him all around and pet his head for being a good boy. I know it won’t work if I make it mine, but it’s harder to stay out of the good stuff than it is to stay out of the bad stuff.
I’m doing the best I can, though, and that’s all I can do for now.
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I really appreciate that you mention the importance of these small rituals of self=love. With regret, I was too severe on myself at the beginning of my recovery. I did not practice giving to myself because I felt such guilt. To care for yourself and enjoy the little treats life can offer will ensure your ability to be there for others and appreciate the even bigger things life brings around every once in awhile. Hang in there.
TJW-
This is a great post. I think this is probably your “healthiest” (whatever that is!) writing regarding your boundaries that I’ve read!
“I know it won’t work if I make it mine…” and “I’m doing the best I can…” Beautiful! Keep it up!