Once a junky. . .
Nov 21, 08- (by Martha Woodroof)
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- Bouncing off the Bottom
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Okay, I had to have very minor eye surgery, which required that I be awake. After talking over the risks/rewards with my doc of taking Valium (given that I am a drunk and a junky who’s–hallelujah–in recovery) I decided to risk 2 milligrams in the interests of having my best shot at avoiding permanent eye damage.
Since I’m sworn to tell the truth, I must admit that a very high percentage of my pre-operation thoughts were fixated on taking that pill. I was both appalled and amused to realize that I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!! I beamed right back twenty years ago to how I’d welcomed what I remembered as the pleasant swimmy feeling that drug had always induced in me–before, that is, I began washing it down with Black Jack and risking braindamage and death!
The morning of the surgery came, I took my pill, and waited . . .
Nothing pleasant or swimmy happened. If the truth be told, I felt sleepy and slightly demented.
So much for flirting with my old, wild ways.
The surgery, I’m happy to report, was a raging success!
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Glad the surgery was a success. A major part of my recovery began when I realized the drugs would never feel as good as they first did. This kind of clarity I have now is not worth messing up. THat aside, here is my confession: when I was caring for my dying father, my mind whispered about 5x how good his morphine would be. But I didn’t take any….just noticed the thinking…