The Greatest Amends of All
Nov 16, 08- (by Mama MPJ)
- 6 responses
- Sober Salon
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I was recently working with my online step group on Step 8 of the 12 Steps. This is the one where we make a list of people we’ve harmed and become willing to make amends with them. One of the exercises we completed asked us to name the person we’d harmed the most and think about how we were going to make amends.
So, I looked over my list and thought about all the people I’d hurt most in my life. Should my parents be at the top? They’re the ones who have known me and put up with me the longest. I have a whole lifetime of lies and hiding that have been directed their way, from secretly trying to hide a pet mouse in the basement to secretly trying to hide my husband’s addiction (and an entire blog about it). What about my kids? I pass my own imperfections along to them every day. Sometimes I panic as I stand gasping for breath thinking I ought to be running faster, getting better faster, so that they don’t learn from me as I have been but as I want to be. Maybe my husband? We’ve been together (dating, engaged, married) close to twenty years now (Wow. That’s amazing.), and it’s only in the last few that I have started to treat him with the respect he deserves.
I thought for a long time, weighing the options, until I realized it was a trick question. The person I’d hurt the most — in all my codependent craziness, in all my pain eating, in all my hiding, in all of my perfectionism, in all of my futile attempts to control the world around me: yes, the person I’d hurt most of all was me.
And then I was delighted. I get to make amends with me! I had been waiting with such anticipation for my husband to make amends with me, for him to get me the beach house I deserve for all that hurt he’s done. But, it should come as no surprise, I found I had been looking to something outside of myself to solve a problem that came from inside. So, I thought about how I want to make amends with myself and I found that I want to take Me on vacation. Maybe I can get Me my own beach house, if only for a weekend.
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Congratulations!
There is a belief in kabbalah that says we each create our own Universe. You MPJ, can have yours include a Beach house!
I love this!
Reading your journey through the steps has inspired me to revisit them! Thanks for sharing so much of yourself.
I think a good amends gift to yourself is a full day JUST FOR YOU. No responsibilities, no schedule, no worries.
You deserve that, don’t ya think?:)
nice vacation always does wonders!
Congrats!!! Its a step in the right direction.
Cat
I see a beach house in your future.
Amends to myself. Who would have thought. Thank you for this post!