We are quickly approaching the holidays, which can be an intense time for those of us in recovery.  From Thanksgiving to New Years, the holidays are loaded with triggers.  Living sober day to day presents ample challenges as is, but the holidays also re-introduce memories, family situations, extra demands and difficult situations.

Instead of the season becoming a reason to relapse, try to relate the significance of each holiday to your recovery while taking the necessary precautions to retain your sobriety.

Think about some of the steps listed below, utilize the ones you need as tools, and please, share your own suggestions with us. And don’t forget, TSR is open 24/7. You don’t have to do this alone!

1. Don’t get overwhelmed.
A lot of energy goes into the holidays! You know this, so don’t put all the shopping, planning, cooking, wrapping and cleaning off until the last minute. This applies to everyone, not just people in recovery! This is a season to enjoy, especially now that you are sober. If you feel you are pushing too hard, be flexible; let go without regret. Start thinking now about your potential triggers and how you will confront them.

2. Know your limit with commitments
You always have the right to abstain if something feels too stressful. Have a response prepared, like, “I wish I could, but you deserve to have my full attention and
right now my other work requires all of my energy.”
Don’t try to tackle something big like cooking a Thanksgiving feast for your whole family simply because you feel it is a way to make amends for the past years. If it is too stressful, wait until the time is actually right.

3. But I gave them a RSVP…
Ok, but first you carefully selected the events you would be attending. Right? Right!
An office party might be mandatory, but you don’t have to stay all night.

Use your own transportation, or have the number of a cab company handy. Have several numbers ready, just in case–like your sponsors.

Hopefully you will be able to bring someone who supports your sobriety. It never hurts to work out an exit strategy or signal with them.

Go early, leave early–if you need to. If you are having doubts, it is best to avoid the hours when the most people will be there, and will probably be drinking the most.
Immediately find the host and let them know, “I’m so glad to be here, thanks for the invitation, I might have to leave early due to an obligation, just wanted to let you know.” Good, you got that out of the way and can leave early without wondering if you were rude.

Stay active.  Mingle, dance, meet new people. The busier you are, the less likely you are to consider drinking or drugging.

4. Family Ties
Don’t sign a contract you don’t want to fulfill. Even if it is with family. Depending on what level of communication you have with your family, express your needs and inquire as to theirs. Try to compromise. Maybe you need to avoid the big family bash and instead come for a Christmas morning breakfast or desert on Christmas Eve. You can let them know they are a priority, but so is your recovery. This approach is better than trying to dodge the whole event and possibly creating misunderstandings.

5. Be Compassionate
Expectations are premeditated resentments. Try not to have them. Try not to be sensitive if they are placed on you. Of course it is a sensitive time of year–we often spend it with people who know our whole inventory and might have old resentments! Certain family members might need to have their own inventory taken, sure, but are the holidays the time to do it?
Remember what I said about relating the significance of each holiday to your recovery? Give thanks for your family, your life, your past and the sobriety you now have.

6. Meetings still happen!
More than likely, many groups will even host events, like potlucks, to help steward a sober community through the season. Check into it.
Suggest that your group throw a potluck if it isn’t planned.

Don’t forget to schedule your meetings along with the rest of your social invites. Do you have a sober friend in the rooms that might attend some of your functions with you–a work party or family function? Perhaps you could return the favor.

Perhaps you don’t go to meetings. How about volunteering at a shelter? Serving others who might just be less fortunate than you will develop your compassion and self love. It can make a big difference in someone’s life, while taking your mind off of your triggers!

7.  Temptations
Ok, they’re gonna be there. But that isn’t an excuse for a relapse.
Avoid the eggnog and rum cakes. If your office party has an open bar, bring your own drink to avoid going up to the bar.
If your host asks if you would like a drink, simply say, “Yes, what a good idea! Do you have any soda-water with lemon or Ginger Ale?”
You don’t have to explain. Or feel self-conscious. At a party where most people are drinking, they aren’t going to look twice or question if your drink is simply Coca-Cola.
Avoid taking home the person who seems to need the most help in the room. This is not your time to fix someone else, as co-dependents love to do.

8. Support
In addition to meetings, there are spaces like TSR. We are open 24/7.  Invite someone to chat with you in the online rooms, or meet someone who is already there. For inspiration, watch videos of people talking about overcoming their addictions. Remember, you do not have to go through this alone.
Get phone numbers in advance. Reach out if you haven’t been. Don’t feel as though you are bothering someone, in fact you will likely be offering them a form of support as well.  Just the act of getting contacts helps to reinforce the determination you need to stay sober.

9. Time management
The holidays can be hard if you have family and if you don’t. If you don’t have family, make preparations for those lonely moments. Sometimes it is the most wonderful thing to savor time alone. Do it intentionally. Plan to do things you’ve been putting off for a while–a project, reading a certain book, renting a particular movie.
Sometimes time alone can be unhealthy. Try to schedule dates, over the phone or a cup of coffee, with people you’ve been meaning to see. Perhaps your friends have children–it might be fun to watch them for a night–you’ll be a hero!
An afternoon matinee is a good treat. Most importantly, take pride in your own companionship. Enjoy it.

10. Reflection and Celebration
Think about it. Where were you last year? How has your path evolved? Write down your observations–what did you think this year would be like?  What was it actually like? What are your future intentions?
Celebrate and offer gratitude. Isn’t it thrilling that you are dedicated to your program? Savor these reflections and triumphs!
Every little bit of sobriety and honesty in your life is a victory. Shine from within and worry not about outside circumstances. You are doing this for you and you deserve this moment!

Peace be with you!