Resentments!
Oct 10, 08- (by JunkysWife)
- one response
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
I’ve been having a good time with my resentments in my online 12 step work group. It’s been quite exciting. I am digging into stuff outside of my relationship this time, which I neglected to include in my last visit with step 4.
One thing I’m noticing about listing my resentments is the amount of time I spend on the people and things I resent. So much of it is outside of my control, and I want to be able to let it all go. One theme that comes up again and again, also, is that I deeply resent anyone who either criticizes me or wants to tell me what to do. I’m interested in figuring out what these defects are stemming from in my past.
That’s what I love most about the steps…the excavation. I like the way they require me to dig deeper, push further, and uproot some of my most difficult issues. I’m talking and thinking about things that were just too painful only a few months ago, and it’s so freeing to find this way out.
I also find step four to be liberating. Listing my defects, I realize that I’m really not so bad. Reading other people talk about their vulnerability, I see that they are really quite like me…that we share many of the same fears, pressures, resentments, and ugly tendencies. If I can keep loving people who make the same mistakes as I make, then they will probably keep loving me! Getting to know people through this process underscores that I am not alone, and in many ways, I think that feeling of acceptance is something I’ve been looking for my whole life.
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Yeah, I gotta say, I’m loving Step 4. I repress the hell out of all my bad feelings and it feels good to be forced to examine them and let them out.