I’VE SEEN 28 DAYS, AND TALKED TO ENOUGH PATIENTS WITH ADDICTIONS TO KNOW THAT WHEN THEY’RE IN RECOVERY and can keep a plant alive, it’s a very good sign.  A person who can keep a plant alive is getting better.

And vice versa, if a person is trying to get sober but fails, so will the plant.  A very bad sign.

I think it’s so cool how this works.  A person’s going along, controlling the desire to drink or get high, then it happens, there’s a slip, a binge.

For addicted people, you know, a slip is generally going to be a binge.  People who like to drink to get high don’t stop at one.  Not my people, anyway.

So there’s a slip and over-indulgence, and some people will let a lot of things slide when that happens, in the process of getting back the equilibrium.  You can’t poison yourself and not feel lousy in the morning.  You forget to water the plant.  Maybe even curse the plant.

Now I, personally, have a caffeine addiction.  It’s not out of control, and I drink decaf all day long.  But if I don’t have 2-3 cups of half-caff in the morning, I can’t shake off sleep.

To a Jew, sleep is the enemy.  It’s a sign of non-productivity.  We’re here only a few short days, in the grand scheme of things.  You don’t want to miss them.

So either I get up first, or FD gets up first, and the first one up makes the coffee.  If it’s me, this is also the time to feed the fish, make lunches for us, too.  I have a college student around for awhile.  Students need food.

A good friend wrote me the other day to tell me how much she enjoyed having her 14 year old around, and how much she missed her other kids.  She really missed the ones who didn’t live in the city.  I had just posted on enmeshment, something we joke about.  It’s hard to love a kid and not want to take away his autonomy.  He might want to leave you if he has autonomy, make that irrational decision to move out on his own.

Yes, that’s a joke.

There’s an association, you know, between addictions and enmeshment.  Many alcoholics live in the same building, same home, as their parents.  Indeed, they don’t leave home.  Not ever.

Why should they?  Home is the place for beers.

I’ve said before that the definition of a heroin addict is a person who uses then comes home to sleep (meaning home to Mom).  She never lets him sleep out in the park in the rain.

But she should.

So moms who are raising kids have a responsibility to push independence.  Addiction and dependence are not casually related.  It’s all one and the same and the thread weaves through every action, every relationship.

It would be so nice if we could simply not water our plants, if they would grow without our help, without our attention.

But I have to tell you.  There’s no greater feeling than seeing them happy, admiring those green leaves.  And you see, you can enmesh your plants, with no dire consequences.

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