Well, it has been a long time since I entered a blog. This month has been a little busy, with some unexpected happenings. But I guess that is life!

Amends story ……………

So, I missed my friend’s burial, arrived at the meal after the funeral to have his father tell me repeatedly how important Junior and my friendship had been to him. To say that I felt like the biggest jerk in the world would have been an understatement.

Going to see Junior in the cemetery for amends was one of the first things to pop on my eighth step list a few years back when I came into the program. Mind you, I lived in New York for another year after his funeral, but because of the nature of my life at that time, driving a few miles out of my way to see my friend’s final resting place was just too difficult.

So, this in August, with two years of sobriety, the time to visit New York and the financial means finally came together.

When I arrived in the town where I went to school and where Junior is buried, I realized that I had only a slightly vague recollection of where the correct cemetery was supposed to be located. The people who knew Junior had long since graduated, so I knew I would have to just trust my vague recollection.

As I drove up the lonely country road that I thought his cemetery might be located on, I started to realize there was a good chance I wasn’t going to find him. But, small towns being what they are, I actually did find the cemetery ( I think it was that part of the town). I was more then a little dismayed to realize how large it was though. I had just assumed it would be so tiny that Junior’s gravestone would be simple to find once I actually found the cemetery.

So I parked my car and I started to run. Actually, I pulled up my pant legs, took off my sandals and started running up and down the rows of tombstones, figuring this would be the most efficient way to find my friend. As each minute passed, I grew more scared and impatient that maybe he wasn’t even there, so I just started talking to him. I was muttering the following phrase as I ran through that cemetery alone; “JUNIOR! I need to find you, come on, please help me, I really need to see you my friend”.

Well, for some reason, I decided to completely change the path I was on and veered towards the opposite direction that I had been heading in. Two seconds after I changed my path, I looked up and saw Junior’s face. His smiling face was engraved onto to his tombstone. When I moved closer to his final resting place, the day he died was the first thing I noticed. He died July 5, 2004. My sobriety date is July 5, 2006.

So, some might say that would be just a strange coincidence. I would say that as well, except; in the few weeks after I quit the booze, when I was too sick to keep most food down, could hardly sleep, and was hallucinating; I couldn’t shake the feeling that Junior was there. (Well Junior and my grandfather who passed away many years ago with fourteen years of sobriety through A.A.).

Junior always said I drank too much. I always rolled my eyes and ignored him.

I felt pretty blessed to be able to place flowers at my friend’s final resting place. We used to drink coffee together, which I happened to have a cup of, so I poured it on the ground in front of his tombstone. The guilt I have felt over Junior lifted as well. I have missed my friend terribly, but I was pretty sure that he is in a place where he can be happy and free of his health problems.

I am not sure what else to write, but I think finding Junior was a beautiful example of God doing for me what I can not do for myself. And the matching dates tell me that Junior was probably an angel for me at a time when I was barely hanging on.