Another day done
Sep 30, 08- (by Diary of a Quitter)
- 3 responses
- Mind, Body, Spirit, Sober Salon
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That’s about the best thing I can say regarding today - it’s basically over. I wish I had something more inspiring or uplifting to write about, but that’s all I’ve got right now. I muddled through it, and I didn’t use.
That’s something.
A year ago I could not have weathered this level of physical and mental discomfort with the calm and grace that I’ve mangaged in these past few weeks.
Meditation has been a great tool for me throughout my recovery process, and especially lately as I grapple with the physical discomfort of withdrawing from my meds. Meditation helps me put my pain in perspective, so I’m neither overly focused on it nor am I denying it and trying to force myself to do more than I can.
Anxieties and fears have been bubbling up recently too. I’m afraid that once I’m off the Suboxone completely, my fibromyalgia pain will be much worse than it is now. I have more pain now than I did at the higher dose, so it seems to be a well-founded fear. But freaking out about it doesn’t do anything except waste energy. Meditation has been helpful here too as a tool for calming myself, and for exploring ways that I will be able to cope, mentally and emotionally, with the almost-certain return of a greater level of chronic pain.
It’s a funny idea, making space for pain in my life. It’s definietly something new for me, as I’ve tried my hardest to never make space for pain. I’ve always run from it, or medicated it away, or denied it’s existence. Now I have to accept that pain is part of my condition, and will be part of my life for some time to come, at least.
That makes me sad to think about. Already I have experienced a feeling of gratitude for my addiction, because it brought me to this process of recovery. I wonder if I will ever experience a feeling of gratitude for my pain - which in many ways triggered my addiction. Not yet. Today the best I can do is cultivate some compassion for my pain, view it with some tenderness instead of the anger that I usually feel about it.
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[...] can read more about that at The Second Road… May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be well. May I be peaceful and at ease. [...]
You have proven yourself to be a strong lady and I have confidence in you. You’ll get through this.
It is hard to accept pain, but much easier than fighting it, regardless of the source. You are doing a brave, but very pragmatic thing. Congratulations.