My House.
Sep 23, 08- (by JunkysWife)
- 5 responses
- Family and Friends, Sober Salon
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I’m working, writing restaurant reviews, and watching Tyra. The Kardashian Sisters are on today. I’ve never seen their television show before, as I don’t have cable…but I’ve heard of them, mostly of Kim Kardashian because she has a sex tape. I can have whatever I want on television, since he’s not here.
My dogs are outside, barking. I let them in and out as I please. I can go get in bed or not. I can wear clothes or not. I can talk on my phone or not.
I asked him to leave on Sunday night to give me a bit of a break. I don’t know where this came from in me. I’d thought I wasn’t ready for him to go, and now I can’t imagine how he can come back.
I love him. I miss him. I want peace, and I can’t have it with him here. There’s dark clouds that follow him everywhere he goes. He spews dark clouds.
Tonight, I’m going to a meeting. I think before I go, I might experiment with my eye makeup based on the Kardashian sisters’ tips. I don’t know why these small things seem so liberating. I could certainly experiment with my eye makeup with him here, but I just never would.
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I totally get why you wouldn’t do it with him there, but are willing and wanting to experiment with your make-up while he’s gone. It makes perfect sense. This is a big step for you. I want to say congratulations, but I don’t want you to feel like I will judge you negatively if you take him back. I won’t.
I’m glad you’ve found some freedom–even if it is only temporary. You know what they say, “One day at a Time!” Perhaps, right now, you should enjoy one MINUTE at a time. Don’t worry about if you will take him back or not, what will happen if you do, etc…
Enjoy your liberation. You deserve it!
Sorry, that anonymous comment above is mine! Next time, I’ll remember to sign-in!
I agree with LaRee–take it one minute at a time, and try not to think about coming to a major decision. If you stay in the moment, clarity will come to you. Oh, and I have to admit: “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” is one of my guilty pleasures.
JW, you wrote…… I love him. I miss him. I want peace, and I can’t have it with him here. There’s dark clouds that follow him everywhere he goes. He spews dark clouds.
Wow, Girl! Your words have found a home in my heart. I swear to God, I was putting on my mascara this morning and thought to myself - “why don’t I add a little eye shadow?” How freeing this thought became it was doing something for me - and the eyeshadow looks great.
Thanks again0
Jinx
JW, this is a big decision. I think sometimes it’s hard to realize how liberating it is to be away from the chaos of addiction/alcoholism. I would always feel better when I was away from my alcoholic during her active years. And I would dread coming home. I’m glad that you are finding some peace. It took a lot of courage to do what you did.