About a month ago, I wrote a post here about my trials and tribulations with dating again. Well, the saga, which I thought was over, continues. And I need some help on this one!

In a nutshell: cool dude asks me out via online dating service. Met for coffee and a walk. Dude revealed that he had “quit drinking” years ago, but he doesn’t really work an AA program, although he attends meetings “with friends” sometimes. I’m a bit concerned. I did it that way for awhile, too. I was still an asshole–maybe more so without alcohol! Made more plans for the following weekend. Dude canceled plans on the day of follow-up date. Dude doesn’t return phone call next day. Dude sends cryptic e-mail saying only, “I’ve moved on, so I must say goodbye.” Never hear from dude again. Me: hurt, angry, very confused. I move on quickly.

Two days ago: phone message from dude. Huh?? Wants to speak to me and see me again. Huh?? I don’t return call. Confused, again! Dude phones later. Dude states, “I just returned from treatment at…(insert well-respected, Minnesota institution here). Huh?? Listened as dude explained he went there a few days after seeing me to deal with some “intimacy issues.” “Did you also deal with alcohol issues,” I asked?  He says yes. Says he has a sponsor and is going to meetings. Explains that he basically got scared and ran away from me. I say I was hurt and angry with the way he summarily and succinctly dumped me. He apologizes. Wants to see me again. I express hesitancy, as he is now new in recovery, and his communication track record with me sucks. I will need time to trust again. He says he understands. He feels the dating while new in recovery is is a non-issue. I give him the “let’s take it one day at a time” spiel. We exchange e-mail addresses.

Later: He sends me this e-mail. This is the part I want you to pay particular attention to!

I enjoyed talking with you and I feel better after apologizing.
My abrupt manner of leaving leaves a bit to be desired.
I would like to see you again.

My instant reaction: “…I FEEL BETTER AFTER APOLOGIZING”???? HEfeels better?? Red flag! Red flag! Isn’t the point of an apology consideration of the other person’s feelings? Shouldn’t that be his concern? Am I being too nit-picky?
I understand what he meant, but to me, it smacks of the egotism of early or NON-recovery. Is this someone who gives a shit about me at all? Or am I just intriguing and convenient because I am sober? He seems pretty enamored with HIS journey right now. Wants to “discuss” it and share it, blah, blah, blah… I get it. I was the same in early recovery. We’re all pretty amazed, proud, and delighted with ourselves early on.
I’m past that. I realize I am neither unique nor special, and life is a lot more fulfilling when I focus on others. I fear he is still all about him. Do I want a relationship with that? No. I want a relationship that is NOT focused on my dysfunction nor his dysfunction. I want a relationship focused on life, on people, on mutual attraction and caring, and on fun!! I’m pretty much over “discussions” about recovery. I want to move on!
Am I reading too much into this? Am I being too picky? Am I being an idiot? My gut is churning…What should I do? HELP!!!